I think H has or is about to put tracker on my car

[PressToChange]

I went in to Hs bedroom to put son's new Fitbit type watch on charge. Out of the cables I didn't know which but saw one had a label which said Trackisafe and a code.
I googled it. It's a mini tracking device. It needs two apps, the Trackisafe one and a V for Vodafone app.
We have Apple so I can see he has purchased both apps. I managed to get hold of his phone very briefly and he has downloaded and set up both apps. I couldn't get on there long enough to see maps.
I also found the box, opened it and the tracker isn't in the box.
I went out to the car while he was out saying I needed to get all the rubbish out if there. Lots of dc so easy to be true. I couldn't find anything.
It's half term and we are both at home.
From the date of app purchase a coupe of weeks ago, I'm guessing he either removed it before half term or will put it in after school starts again.
I cannot confront him as I don't have firm evidence. Plus I don't want him to know I can get on his phone.
Background is before Christmas in 2018 he hit me, I called police. He has a caution for assault. I now know I have been living in a controlling coercive marriage. (Not trying to down play. It's utterly shit. Just being factual to keep post as short as possible)
In Sept when I told him I was serious about divorce he cut me out of his bank account. Apparently we haven't needed a joint account I could just access his but no more.
At Christmas I told him I would endure it with him and then start divorce proceedings.
The Friday before I know he purchased the apps and most likely took delivery of the tracker I told him we have to draw this to a close. No one is happy etc. It is going to end up in divorce.
He is in COMPLETE denial.
I think he is a narcissist in the true clinical definition, I'm not just calling names.
I have a solicitor appointment booked for next week.
What do I do? What should I do? What is likely to happen to him because if I do find a tracker I won't touch it but will drive to the nearest police station. What if I never find a tracker I just strongly suspect it?
Please be kind. I know this is not right and needs to be over but because of the way he is have been doing baby steps trying to do things gently and safely rather than full on. I do not live in fear day to day but am concerned he could be volatile. He had had mental health issues too.

A presence of Amused Mastery puts you into a position of maturity while still remaining playfully approachable and forcing her to qualify to you by acknowledging your mastery of her (really all women by association). An attitude of Amused Mastery implies to a woman that by virtue of your maturity and/or authority you’ve “seen it all before”, you already know what women mean when they say or do what she is, and it’s amusing to you. You’ll play along, but only so far as to cleverly poke fun at her attempts to get you to qualify to her. It means you never take her seriously, like a bratty younger sister, but also with the presence of mind of a senior Alpha male who knows her game before she plays it

Fucking hell, there are some right sad little men out there

OP I just wanted to say you sound incredible: smart, level headed, articulate, strong - I think you’re so used to him treating you like an idiot you’ve started to underestimate yourself. Have you told anyone? Do your family or a trusted friend know?

Please don’t worry about your children hating you, yes they may have an initial kick back against you, but as they grow up and see him for what he is, they’ll understand the truth.

Take the back seat cushions out, things can be hidden underneath them. In most modern cars they are easy to remove.

I hope that Women's Aid can point you in the direction of a good solicitor- that needs to be your next step, I think.

Do you have access to any money in joint savings accounts/credit cards? How do you pay for shopping, etc?

@PressToChange I've just checked the app and yes, it gives a map of history for up to a month or so

Blimey OP, what a nightmare. You need to see a solicitor and get decent advice. Take care

My dh is a mechanic and he has been asked to look for trackers on women’s cars before.
Sometimes he’s found them, sometimes he’s not.
Ones that are hard wired in are easier to find, but the chargeable ones need regular easy quick access which obviously limit the potential places.

Good luck op. Having got out of one of these relationships years ago. I wish you all the luck in the world. Stay safe op

If he didn’t sound so dangerous I’d be tempted to get it to send him a message!

@Daftapath I have a part time job since 18 months ago so I have some money. Just not a lot so every time the children need something significant the answer is ask your father.
Even just writing this now it's only just struck me that's control. I mean I know it's financial control but all the time saying ask your father puts him in that elevated position of benevolent man, when actually he's cut me off!! How have I not seen this!!

I feel like the ground is shifting. But bizarrely today I actually feel happier than I have in a long time.

I have a really good friend who isn't local but knows it all. She is on alert but not physically close.

I spoke to a local friend and told her. She wasn't surprised and told me that when she had her divorce (years ago) her x bugged her but she couldn't prove it and it just made her sound mad so be careful how you go.

I've done a lot of internet searches and that does seem to be the way things play out. Unless it's actually proven and can't be denied, the other party appear sane as you're left alleging things that are seemingly far fetched. But you know are true.

There's another person I will tell on Monday as they're away this weekend.

@debbs77 thank you. Which app shows the history and could you please tell me how to do it, which icon to click as I might only have minutes to check. It would be helpful to know exactly where to look.

I think it isn't in the car at the moment as it's school holidays. It's next week when I need to be vigilant. I have done a pretty thorough search and I now know what I'm looking for. It a rechargeable device so somewhere that it can be put in easily.

Good point he has to charge it somewhere. You could of course find that buy a duplicate let him charge that and put his in his own car.

Now think where would he charge it. If in say the garage, then you need to sabotage it.

But no, honestly you need to get out. As for you having your passport in your safe. Umm.. just no get it out of the house ditto anything else essential to your identity.

@presstochange my partner added it to my phone today so I just took a look.

On the trackisafe app, go to the 3 dots on the top right hand side, and in the drop down says history. You can then choose the duration

Putting a partner under surveillance is probably more common than we imagine, but if it is happening there are probably lots of clues from where the person appears to have access to information that they shouldn't be aware of, and of course once you know it's happening you could use this knowledge to your own advantage.

Start keeping your keys (including spares) with you at all times and take them to your room at night. If the tracker is usually placed inside your car you will be able to stop him putting it inside or retrieving it.

Make sure that you regularly check your bags and coats etc - just because it was not there today doesn't mean it won't be there tomorrow.

Have you checked the heel of your work shoes?
Tucked into a cc flap in your purse?
Your keyring? if you've a massive bunch
I know you've a new bag and coat, but lunch bag - in the handle or lining - maybe?
He has to have put it somewhere where you don't lock the item away so he could gain access to put it and then recharge it when you're asleep etc? assuming it's not the car
Where would you put it if you were tracking him?

Take it tk an independent garage and get it checked over. Get pictures taken. Use it as evidence in your divorce.

Thank you @debbs77 that's much appreciated. I'm all fingers and thumbs when I'm doing this anyway due to feeling the pressure and that's so helpful.

@justasking111 he has the charging cable for it plugged in to a usb charging thing with other wires. That's how I noticed in the first place. I went into put dcs thing on but saw the wire. Then googled. It's in his (what used to be our) room so I suspect he'd get it and charge it in there overnight safe in the knowledge I won't be going in there. Particularly at that time. I do go in to access drawers and wardrobe every now and again but I have most of my stuff out of there.

Is it possible to set up a secret camera to watch your car?
Or go the whole nine yards and get a private detective?

My x was intuitive enough to catch me coming back from the post office. I had tried to keep everything normal. I was posting things to my parents' house a bit at a time and he just sensed something and caught me coming back from the post office. He was full of questions and i winged it but he knew I was up to something.

It might sound strange but I'm glad he attacked me the day I left. Obviously I can only say that because my injuries weren't severe, a crick in my neck, bloodshot eye, bruised knees where I hit the floor, scratches, that kind of thing. He'd still deny it to this day! But it really really gave me a ''takeaway'' screenshot to walk away with.

@Emmelina oh that's funny!! That would be great if you had a safe place to go afterwards.

My friend would do the Asda shop the only receipt he did not go through. Everything left at a friends house, pots, pans, bed linen etc. when she fled with the children she was pretty well set up.

I know a woman who stashed enough to buy an actual house! Her ex was a pillar of the community...
Good luck op.

Check the kids keys, could be tracking the 16 year old?

I bet it'll appear in your car on Monday though

My friend a relative died left her a pile of money she was in her sixties and filed for divorce. It is never too late it seems.

Yes, all keys checked. Handbag coat and anything else that I could have on me has been gone through with a fine-tooth comb and nothing. I do like @emmalina suggestion 🤣 if I could find a route!!
@UYscuti I did think about getting a dash cam fitted. One that works with motion sensor. I think it'd be good to have one anyway long term. I might checkout Halfords.

I can't think he'd want to track the children. We all have Apple but I have stopped location sharing with him. After the violence before Christmas 2018.

His car is v new and is all singing and dancing. It comes with an app so he can remote do things like lock doors. I'm sure location will be on there too.

Which just leaves me to monitor. The timing of his app purchased for the tracker to work directly correspond to me telling him firmly (AGAIN) that this must draw to a close. So I think he had a think. Ordered a tracker. It arrived in a day or two. Then apps downloaded. 4 days from start to finish from me saying it must end.

Op thsi is chilling, wishing you all the strength in the world to get away fast

Can you not hide the tracker cable? You will be able to tell he has been tracking you if he looks for the cable or asks where it is as sometimes replacement cables can be hard to get hold of. I would hide your car keys so he can never access you car again, plus it is a good idea to keep your keys so you can escape quickly.