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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I being taken for a fool!

458 replies

keeptakingthepills · 20/02/2020 19:15

Agh am irritated and having to hold it in. But am also hormonal so probably irrational.
So two things this week have f**cked me off with my DP.
So DP lives with me and my kids. My home I pay the bills and mortgage, internet, tv etc. I also pay the food bills. He throws in some cash now and again for food. His kids (2DC) stay every other weekend and one night a week. I feed them and cook and tidy for them. So far happy to do so.
But he’s been short of money lately and I’m the higher earner so I said don’t worry I’ll pay the food shopping. Then he tells me he accidentally gave his ex extra money this month as maintenance and then told her don’t worry you keep it. Telling me she needs it as doesn’t earn much and struggles to make ends meet. I’m thinking..great! So I’m basically subbing your ex and paying for your kids to be fed etc while they’re with me. He keeps telling me to stop turning the thermostat down as the house is cold but jeez I’m watching the bills go thru the roof!
Second thing that annoyed me is I worked all day. Then picked his kids up from his ex on my way home and walked in. He’s having a beer. I start getting his kids dinner. He’s doing nothing. I then ask if someone could pass me some plates so I can dish up. Instead he puts them on the table. No big deal so I say sorry can you pass them to me instead so I can dish up. He makes this massive arm flourish action passing me the plates. I say sorry is this a problem for you? He says you said set the table like I was being demanding! In my head I’m thinking you I’m getting your children dinner (mine are at their dads) and you are doing nothing and I just ask for plates and you act like I’m some diva. So I said sorry if it’s too much trouble to which he mutters away under his breath something about me being tired etc.
I’m
Just venting but honestly this last couple of weeks I’m thinking actually what do you bloody bring to the relationship? Obvs you’re only getting my side. I realise I’m being a bit over the top.

OP posts:
swimmingclubs · 21/02/2020 19:57

This guy is unbelievable, and worrying with the way he won't even respect that you have broken up with him. Get rid.

datasgingercatspot · 21/02/2020 19:58

He will go nowhere, you'll be alone and he'll shame you, neg you and talk you round. He's been doing it for 3 years. He knows what he is doing.

justshutthedoor · 21/02/2020 19:59

No way would I be putting up with this. He wouldn't have got over the threshold in the first place

neverdoingthatagain100 · 21/02/2020 20:00

I hope that you are ok tonight.
I'm sending you a big hug.
This is so shitty to deal with. You are dealing with this in your own way and I respect your decision. You are taking the high road and will come out on top.
Take whatever time it takes to get rid of him. Well done for posting on here for support, it's unbelievable how shattered and downtrodden you can get when you are working hard with a family. (And dealing with a manchild on top)
At least you have plenty of encouragement to deal with the situation!!
Enjoy your wine tonight, here's to the evening when you have reclaimed your house!!!🥂

Gruffalo45 · 21/02/2020 20:01

Hope it all works out for you. Imagine how much calmer and relaxed you're going to feel on Monday when this is all done.

frisko · 21/02/2020 20:09

good luck on getting rid of him honey and plz dont let him make u change ur mind xxxx

JustForTheTasteOfIt · 21/02/2020 20:19

Don't leave the house OP!!! That's madness! It's YOUR house. Yours, not his. He's had his chance to contribute to the household and be kind to you and your children. He has failed. So it's time for him to go

TooOldForThis67 · 21/02/2020 20:25

I don't think he'll do anything bad, after all, his kids are there but even if he does, call the Police on him.
I bet the first thing he'll say when you return in the morning is 'Have you calmed down yet?'
Please stay strong OP and well done for getting this far. Flowers

Pinkybutterfly · 21/02/2020 20:29

He is a fucker

JustForTheTasteOfIt · 21/02/2020 20:31

I don't think he'll do anything 'bad' either I do agree with that. But OP leaving for the evening is setting the precedent that she isn't going to follow through and that his attitude is still allowing him to get his way. It's indicative to him that it's as much his house as hers which is what gives me the rage!

Whynosnowyet · 21/02/2020 20:31

You have given him the upper hand by staying out. He now assumed YOU have gone to cool off and all will be well tomorrow. Your gumption will have eased and you will struggle to tell him to get the fuck out of your house ..

OhCaptain · 21/02/2020 20:40

I don’t think he’ll do anything except realise that the OP won’t stick to her guns Sad

MsDogLady · 21/02/2020 20:51

He is still in charge.

cstaff · 21/02/2020 20:58

He probably won't do anything but only because he presumes that you will let him stay and why would he wreck his own home.

BumbleBeee69 · 21/02/2020 20:59

OP.. hit 101 if he refuses to go 🌺

DancingWithWillard · 21/02/2020 21:02

Well done for speaking up OP, now stick to your guns and get that arsehole out of your house!

BumbleBeee69 · 21/02/2020 21:05

he'll be back pedalling like a leaf hurtling toward a waterfall ...

Kidsrule43 · 21/02/2020 21:10

Hope you're ok?

BumbleBeee69 · 21/02/2020 21:15

another Thread has just updated with a woman whose husband of 22 years told her to go out whilst he packed his things... to move out... she has come home to an empty house OP... he has taken everything.... OP do not leave this man who has nothing in your home free to tale everything... posters are correct he will empty you of property 🌺

strawberry2017 · 21/02/2020 21:49

Make sure you stay strong and if you need to you pack his stuff for him and arrange for the locks to be changed. The fact that he's acting like this is a joke shows how little respect he has for you.
Good luck op

Isthisit22 · 21/02/2020 22:35

OP how can you leave him in your house? He could do anything.
Stop being so 'nice'. Drives me crazy how women are conditioned to be so ridiculously nice and accommodating in the face of appalling behaviour.
Go home and kick him out now he can pay for a hotel for a night.really not your problem. He should have been nicer to his free meal ticket.

notthisshitagain · 21/02/2020 22:41

If there was really nowhere else for his kids to go, I'd let them stay and tell him to fuck off and collect them and his stuff tomorrow.

No way would he be staying in my house another night, while I stayed out of the way. No way. You have been taken for a fool and you still are.

SexIsAProtectedCharacteristic · 21/02/2020 22:43

Hope you're ok op.

I think it was an error leaving him in the house and you go. It might be your house, but you're not acting like it.

Back home at the crack of dawn OP with your friend for backup and your cocklodger and his kids need to go, he can take the kids to McDonald's for breakfast and wait till their mum is home.

Meanwhile you pack his stuff.

SalmonOfKnowledge · 21/02/2020 22:45

Oh I'd HATE this arrangement OP
He gets a lot out of it, and you get very little, so he occasionally gives your DC a lift somewhere, hmmm, it's not worth allowing a cocklodger to get his feet further under the table just because he occasionally gives your DC lifts.

mumsie2019 · 21/02/2020 23:21

When do you go on holiday? Get him out before you go and be back to a fresh start after you and your family returns.
Let's see if he stays with you then,
I would call it a dysfunctional arrangement your happiness and bank account you need to care about!
Don't be scared to be alone
There's is plenty more fish in the sea..

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