Am I being taken for a fool!

[keeptakingthepills]

Agh am irritated and having to hold it in. But am also hormonal so probably irrational.
So two things this week have f**cked me off with my DP.
So DP lives with me and my kids. My home I pay the bills and mortgage, internet, tv etc. I also pay the food bills. He throws in some cash now and again for food. His kids (2DC) stay every other weekend and one night a week. I feed them and cook and tidy for them. So far happy to do so.
But he’s been short of money lately and I’m the higher earner so I said don’t worry I’ll pay the food shopping. Then he tells me he accidentally gave his ex extra money this month as maintenance and then told her don’t worry you keep it. Telling me she needs it as doesn’t earn much and struggles to make ends meet. I’m thinking..great! So I’m basically subbing your ex and paying for your kids to be fed etc while they’re with me. He keeps telling me to stop turning the thermostat down as the house is cold but jeez I’m watching the bills go thru the roof!
Second thing that annoyed me is I worked all day. Then picked his kids up from his ex on my way home and walked in. He’s having a beer. I start getting his kids dinner. He’s doing nothing. I then ask if someone could pass me some plates so I can dish up. Instead he puts them on the table. No big deal so I say sorry can you pass them to me instead so I can dish up. He makes this massive arm flourish action passing me the plates. I say sorry is this a problem for you? He says you said set the table like I was being demanding! In my head I’m thinking you I’m getting your children dinner (mine are at their dads) and you are doing nothing and I just ask for plates and you act like I’m some diva. So I said sorry if it’s too much trouble to which he mutters away under his breath something about me being tired etc.
I’m
Just venting but honestly this last couple of weeks I’m thinking actually what do you bloody bring to the relationship? Obvs you’re only getting my side. I realise I’m being a bit over the top.

Thank christ for that

Glad he's gone without a fight. You have actually finished the relationship as well as asking him to leave, haven't you?

And actually this may just be the making of him. He’s home from his wife’s house to his mates house to mine. He’s not had to take on the responsibility of running his own household, working and being a single parent. About time he found out.

I think you're very optimistic, he moved into yours very easily, and then became abusive. I think he will quickly find another woman he can cocklodge with, people don't change quite that easily.

Yes he will be fully cocklodging within the year. Not your problem. You will be enjoying your own house, your own money, your holidays and your family. Don't let him hoover you or love bomb you back. He won't change no matter what he says. They're only words you have seen his actions. Enjoy your weekend

Sounds like hes got it all worked out for a very nice and easy life for him.
If he wasnt there you wouldnt be worse off financially and you wouldnt be running around after him and his kids. What does he bring you that you couldnt live without.
When my useless and selfish ex left I gained a lot more than I lost. My sanity and peace for one.
Be careful you dont end up anxious and depressed in this situation it sounds like you could be heading that way. Take care lovely.

I’m pleased he’s taken so well. He sounded horrible and I thought he’d really dig his heels in.

Omg I didnt read the whole thread. Well done you. Stay strong and breathe. You have done brilliantly xxx

Well done op, you should be proud with yourself

Enjoy the peace with your dc

Hold your head up high and walk with a spring in your step as you tread the new path that is your future.

Delighted for you OP.
I think you are going to pleasantly surprised have your home back minus a lot of extra work.

He'll move on to his next mark.
He doesn't sound like someone who wants to pay his way.

Well done

Well done OP - though I wouldn’t count on it being the making of him. My cocklodger exP left my house to go and live at his friend’s house (house was empty as being refurbished) rent free for a couple of years , and is now at new girlfriends ( rent free I imagine. )
I think I may ring up the CMS though - not sure how it all works. Even if I don’t actually get any money , at the moment he’s off scot free, he just shrugs and doesn’t pay me any maintenance. At least it’ll be official. I still don’t understand how he has no pride, and doesn’t feel like he should support his DD in any way.

Fingers crossed he goes without a fuss!

Well done. I think maybe he has realised the game is up. I hope so anyway.
Enjoy your freedom.

Well done OP. It'll feel weird and you may mourn what might have been but not actually him.

I could have written this myself! I got rid of a cocklodger a year ago. Thought he'd actually grow up and sort his shit out. ... sadly not a year later he's renting a room in a friends house and goes to his mums when he has his dd. They don't change. They have a pattern.. stay with someone a few years until they get kicked out and then move on to the next one.. I seen this a while ago "leopards never change their spots... they just move to new hunting grounds" how true.
I'm still sad about it but glad I'm not being dragged down by him. You'll be grand! X

Good on you, OP. You found your anger and used it productively. I don't share your optimism that he'll take this as a life lesson and change his cocklodging ways, but it's not your problem as of now. I hope he's gone now and the locksmith has been.

He’s left and yes I’ve ended the relationship as well as asked him to move out. I think actually it had ended for me ages ago just hadn’t faced up to it.
Am now in cleaning frenzy. Changing bedsheets and giving the house a good clean and tidy. Make it feel like my own again. I do feel sad but only because I wish I’d not been such a fool and stood up for myself months ago. Thank you all. I needed the push to do it. Friends had all been saying similar but I think this last week luckily he dug his own grave and just went too far. Back to cleaning and getting my house straight!

What did he say, @keeptakingthepills? Was he surprised? Where has he gone-does he have a car?

What did the kids say? Has all their stuff gone?

Fantastic OP enjoy the deep clean and perhaps a wee cheeky later

Well done op.

Good for you! Buy yourself some champagne to celebrate having your life back!

I’m surprised he didn’t try to worm out of it, tbh!

Well done you op!

Well done! I wonder what sob story he'll come up with to whoever he's targeted to put him up?

Well done Op! You are strong and capable - onwards and upwards!

Well done!

Well done OP. What a great outcome! You’ve done so well and you have shown yourself how strong you are.

Well done it will feel great to get your house back to you and your children