Am I being taken for a fool!

[keeptakingthepills]

Agh am irritated and having to hold it in. But am also hormonal so probably irrational.
So two things this week have f**cked me off with my DP.
So DP lives with me and my kids. My home I pay the bills and mortgage, internet, tv etc. I also pay the food bills. He throws in some cash now and again for food. His kids (2DC) stay every other weekend and one night a week. I feed them and cook and tidy for them. So far happy to do so.
But he’s been short of money lately and I’m the higher earner so I said don’t worry I’ll pay the food shopping. Then he tells me he accidentally gave his ex extra money this month as maintenance and then told her don’t worry you keep it. Telling me she needs it as doesn’t earn much and struggles to make ends meet. I’m thinking..great! So I’m basically subbing your ex and paying for your kids to be fed etc while they’re with me. He keeps telling me to stop turning the thermostat down as the house is cold but jeez I’m watching the bills go thru the roof!
Second thing that annoyed me is I worked all day. Then picked his kids up from his ex on my way home and walked in. He’s having a beer. I start getting his kids dinner. He’s doing nothing. I then ask if someone could pass me some plates so I can dish up. Instead he puts them on the table. No big deal so I say sorry can you pass them to me instead so I can dish up. He makes this massive arm flourish action passing me the plates. I say sorry is this a problem for you? He says you said set the table like I was being demanding! In my head I’m thinking you I’m getting your children dinner (mine are at their dads) and you are doing nothing and I just ask for plates and you act like I’m some diva. So I said sorry if it’s too much trouble to which he mutters away under his breath something about me being tired etc.
I’m
Just venting but honestly this last couple of weeks I’m thinking actually what do you bloody bring to the relationship? Obvs you’re only getting my side. I realise I’m being a bit over the top.

Good for you Op. stick to your guns. Id change the locks tomorrow as well just for piece of mind x

What a cheeky bastard he is. Keep to your plan OP.

You need to establish boundaries that are fair and stick to them.

1. How much financially does he contribute.
2. What chores does he do.

Once the boundaries are set, there will be nothing to row over. And of course your not being unreasonable. He should contribute on both fronts.

I think it's great you have made a stand and you are 100% right BUT are you sure you can go and and trust him in the house? I'd rather give him £100 for a Travelodge and fuck him out tonight, I'd tell the teenagers they can stay until the morning but he is gone. I'd have my friend round to yours. I'm just not sure I'd trust the cocklodger alone in my house now he knows his meal ticket has expired

I wouldn't trust him either. Definitely don't go out and leave him in the house. Tell him to fuck off tonight. I'd be worried he'd change the locks while you're out or do something to get revenge before he leaves.

I don’t think I’d leave them all in my house. I’d be worried what I’d come home to.

Are you sure you can trust him and leave him there tonight. I think that would stress me out not knowing what he is up to. Maybe you should tell his mum or ex just so that people know.

Don't leave the house. He could change the locks or trash your home as PP have said.

The gall of the man! He doesn't even respect your decisions in your own house. You're being silly, are you? Not as silly as you would be to let him keep exploiting you. I'm so cross on your behalf.

I also wouldn't trust him in the house with you out. He could do all sorts of unpleasant things to your belongings, could steal things, smash things up and could even have the locks changed.

Have your friend come to you. Dont leave the house.

Invite your friend over to yours. He takes kids to a budget hotel as people have said. Come on. You can do this. It's YOUR house

Can you get a friend round for support to make sure he leaves, and doesn’t grab your valuables?

Yes, I would really be wary of leaving him in your house on his own. He could do anything - trash your stuff out of spite, leave a shit in your bed, pour milk down the back of the radiators... I know you don't want to be around him, and it's reasonable to let him stay tonight before turf him out, but it's just one night and then you can do what you like. Can you delay seeing your friends until tomorrow?

Please don’t leave your home to this asshat. The children are teens. Tell them you and their father are breaking up and say their goodbyes to them and help them gather up their belongings. Tell them they need to ring their dad if they’re asking where they’re going tonight. You’re not being cruel to these kids - your home isn’t their home. It’s just a place to crash for now to them. Sorry

I really don’t think it’s a good idea leaving him in your home alone tonight.

If you don’t have the balls to actually see your text through, what’s going to change tomorrow when he’s physically there on your sofa? Are you going to pick him up and man handle him out?

Stand your ground, bring your friend over tonight. Get your kids a taxi to their home, lock the doors.

No way I'd leave him alone in my house! Fuck I'd put it on on Facebook that I needed some friends round that night. Wouldn't pay for his fucking hotel, either, and so what if his ex is out, he bloody left his teens alone whilst he went out to work anyhow.

He's softened you up by bullying and negging to put up with his abuse and cocklodging, he's counting on your type of passiveness to continue abusing you.

How fucking dare he call you silly and overreacting. That whole hormonal and irrational language is 100% misogynist.

He's a woman-hating arsehole.

I'd get him gone tonight. Who gives a fuck where he goes? He's got friends and not having paid living expenses for 8 months he has money.

Wouldn't give a fuck about what he can afford later, that's his lookout, if he's not earning enough to live in his own flat to see his kids, then he needs to work more and be an adult.

You've been in an abusive relationshit for 3 years, you need to get out and honestly, you need to stop dating for a long time because this guy targeted you. They do this. He'll find another victim.

Well done OP.

Do not back down.

He is a Grade A user.

He'll move on to some other poor unfortunate, god love her.

You’re mad to leave him there. You really, really are.

One; because you don’t know what he’ll do in YOUR house and

Two; you might as well have said “yes I am silly” by immediately backing down!

He probably won’t trash the place because he’ll believe he can talk you round

You are still being a fool, op

If you don’t mind coming home to a trashed house and find huge bills racked up at the end of the month, whilst you were out. Leave him in your house.

Otherwise tell teens to call their mum and leave his stuff outside your door.

Have friends over and enjoy a takeaway, use money you’ve save by kicking him out.

How are you so passive about your own life?

You need to pack up all his belongings while he is out and change the locks.

Of course he’s resisting. He has no responsibilities with you cooking, cleaning, and paying all his bills.

No no no. You are leaving your house with him in it. Like fuck he'll be in the spare room when you get back silly billy. He'll be starfishing waiting to grab your tits as a sop.

Get your friend to come to yours. Let the children sleep over one more night if you want but send laughing emoji man to the fucking premier inn.