Spook's wonderful new life

[anorak]

Time for a change of title, I think. You have stopped moving away from sadness and are now moving towards happiness and a new life, spook!

More ups than downs now . What's the latest?

oh Spook, I really hope it works out they way you want it to as you sound so in love with your DH but please please be careful. I so hope I am wrong but can't help thinking that just maybe he's trying to stop you from moving on and moving to London for his own selfish reasons and not because he wants to be back with you . People do that which I'm sure you're aware of, people that sometimes don't want you (not you personally) but don't want anyone else to either. Please don't confuse it with that. Like I said though I so hope I am wrong ((hugs))

spook, I don't know what will happen to you. Take care.

All I can say is that my dh was unfaithful 17 years ago, way before marriage and children but it still hurt like crazy. In fact he was unfaithful twice, first trying to rekindle a relatioship with his ex wife and then several months later, having a few months affair with a colleague. I felt he was well and truly out of my life but I also felt so strongly thatwe were meant to be together. I have read your messages about sensing something is different. That happenend to us. My dh did wanted to come back and against the all advice of my friends and my own head, I took him back. It took a year of me being angry with him before I could trust him again - he had to prove a lot, but we got married, had two children and he has been loyal, faithful and loving throughout all the years that have followed.

I could be doing the wrong thing posting this as I don't want to give false hope, but I just wanted to say, sometimes IME miracles do happen.

I can't help agreeing with Delgirl. I hope so much that he is genuine but I'm suspicious that this might be his plan to try and keep you from moving.

Slowly and carefully, please, spook. No one wants you to be hurt again.

Spook, this scares me for you. You know him better than me and maybe you're right, and there is some change afoot. But this is the man that cheated on you twice that you know of, plus countless lies and god knows what other deceptions. If he comes home, everything may seem rosy in the garden, but if he lets you down again, would you have the strength to go through all this again, knowing how painful it has been? I'm sorry, I don't want to say horrible things to you, and feel free to tell me to p*ss off, I just don't want to see you hurt and let down again. You deserve so much better.

Spook, while I hope that this works out as you wish, like so many others, I urge you to take care and be cautious.

Spook, really hope it all works out for you. I really would not let him come straight home, though. You really need to be in a position of strength and he has to want to come back so much -it shouldn't be you asking him to come home (although I understand completely why you're doing this) he should be begging to be given another chance after all he's put you and your boys through. H and I are seeing a lot of each other but one of my stipulations was that he had to live alone for at least six months and we had to have counselling - which is going well and has been very useful. I needed that time and space to make my own decisions (is it - ie, us, what I want now? can I trust him, does he understand how selfish, unkind and cruel he was etc, etc)and also to protect myself and the girls. I can't put the girls through that awful heartbreak again. H has a lot to prove to me. Anyway, he's been on his own for nearly five months now and things are looking good. But just imagine if it all went wrong again and how hurt you and the boys would be if he came straight back and after the initial joy, relief etc your doubts and insecurities returned, he wasn't totally committed. You can never say anything is 100%, I know, but you want to be in as secure a position as possible. I know you adore him and I hope it works out so much. Sorry re long post and take care.

Hi everyone. Don't think there's much to worry about actually. He caled this morning and doesn't sound like he's any intention of coming home.He was very nice but still seems very confused and wants to talk about how we're going to deal with Christmas. So it's not like he's thinking he may be home. But at least he completely understands my need to be away from this house at Christmas and has accepted he might not see the boys for a few days. He does finally seem to be seeing things a bit more from my point of view so that can only be a good thing. He actually said "if I were you I would just go to Barbados!!" So maybe we will...!

Hiya spook - good to see ya! sounds like maybe he's coming round to things - but still as everyone else says take it step by step and dont make it easy for him.
Have just emailed you too xx

I went to San Francisco last year. Lots of luck.

Hi Beety. I am not looking backwards. Quite the opposite infact. And the fact that I will never stop hoping doesn't take any of me away from my boys and doesn't in any way hold me back from my new life. I am moving on-the me today is unrecognisable from the me 10 months ago. The fact of the matter is I don't NEED my husband but I WANT him. Life is pretty good you know. I have the most wonderful set of friends around me.I've just got back from a family holiday and on Thursday I go to New York. Christ-I know how lucky I am. But you know what. If you love someone it doesn't just disappear. All credit to me-I know I am capable of a huge amount of love. and stupid,blind and foolish though that may be, I would still rather be me than someone who doesn't love with a passion.

God-just read that back and sound like a right pompous arse. You know what I'm trying to say in such a cack-handed way don't you!

you do sound like an incredibly cool woman spook, fwiw I agree with your sentiments and think you deserve all the happiness in life, wherever that comes from.

cross posted! here is me saying you are fab and you saying no really I'm a pompos twit lol!

Aw thanks PPH! Thats very very much appreciated {{{}}}}

She is an incredibly cool woman pph, no doubt about it. I understand the point you're trying to get across, spook. Basically you are refusing to let the prospect of being disappointed put you off from being the loving person you are. Not allowing disappointment to make you bitter.

Which means you're calling the shots!

Erm ok yeah she is cool but this is the woman who keeps dragging me in to kebab shops against my will - happened again last night lol

That's a GOOD thing!

Count yourself lucky, where I live there are no kebab shops and no spooks

We do have an abunance of kebab shops up here - and only one spook bless her

I am paying for that kebab this morning though. Jesus.What a head.

Are you sure it was the kebab that gave you a headache?

Oh absolutely Anorak. No question. Can't have been the abundance of shit wine.

Have a good time in New York - is the house going on the market while you are away? When's the move scheduled for? We have kebab shops in London!!!!

ooh, when are you going to New York, spook?

Okay - Thursday, just read back.

Any special reason you are going or is it just for fun?