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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Spook's wonderful new life

256 replies

anorak · 03/10/2004 10:20

Time for a change of title, I think. You have stopped moving away from sadness and are now moving towards happiness and a new life, spook!

More ups than downs now . What's the latest?

OP posts:
princesspeahead · 02/11/2004 10:20

have a fantastic time in ny. and wave at the marathon runners, one of them is a friend of mine who has raised £15,000 for a charity that saves the sight of people in pakistan. £15,000! amazing.

spook · 02/11/2004 10:20

Hi guys. My friend is taking me to New York for a treat. I have no money but have absolutely no doubt she will melt the plastic for both of us! Boing on Thursday back on Monday. DH is taking the boys to Rome.
Beachyhead-the house is not on the market yet because believe it or not I can't get a decorator. It's just for the hall which is huge and looking very scruffy. All I need is one coat to cheer up the hall because it's such a vast space it will make a massive first impression. But can I pin one down???Can I buggary.Have been let down by 4 now.
I will need to know precise locations of all kebab shops before the move please.

spook · 02/11/2004 10:21

Ooh PPH. I will! That is fantastic. I am in awe of anyone who can run 26 miles!

spook · 03/11/2004 10:11

Hi guys. Need an opinion on this one please. I go away in the morning and he is taking the boys and his mother (snarl) to Rome on Friday morning. Just had text from him-very friendly-asking if it's OK if he and his mum stay here tomorrow night coz it's easier to get them all to airport early Friday.
I just can't get my head round this.For starters I am really starting to hate his mother.She hasn't called me ONCE in the last 10 months to offer any support and she will have asked if they can stay herer. ITS NOT HIS FUCKING HOME ANYMORE!
But bearing in mind I am trying to be as reasonable and nice as poss at the moment I really don't want to appear too intimidating but it makes me cross. And I'm pretty sure it's just coz his fucking mother is involved. She never ever has done a thing to help me since her fucking son dumped his family,yet she seems to think it's OK to stay herre and drink my fucking wine when she's getting a freebie trip to fucking Rome. I have a real problem with this. Am I becoming as bitter and twisted as his bloody mpother???!

joanneg · 03/11/2004 10:13

I would say no because he does not live there anymore and it will confuse the boys. If it makes you feel bad then go with your instincts, it is a bad idea. x

zephyrcat · 03/11/2004 10:15

I would say you let them stay. Be as nice as possible - this gives them nothing to bitch about. But also be quite aloof. Go about doing your own thing and make yourself busy a) so they realise that you have a life beyond them and b) it will keep you out of the way so you dont have to deal with them so much. Hope you have an excellent time in NY !!! XXX

spook · 03/11/2004 10:16

Thanks joanneg1 How many times did I say fuck in that last post?

joanneg · 03/11/2004 10:20

You are entitled to say fuck a lot!! We are talking about what sounds like a witch of a mil here. I am suprised that you arent't saying fuck a lot more actually!!

Freckle · 03/11/2004 10:25

Why can't the boys go to him tonight? I would say no, tbh. I would feel very uncomfortable having him in the house, and if his mother has been as unsupportive as you say I definitely wouldn't want her there, potentially rifling through my personal belongings.

What's happening with your dog? Do you have house-sitters again? Could you not use them as an excuse?

zephyrcat · 03/11/2004 10:28

Feel like a bit of an idiot now saying be nice when you are so angry about it - but thats the game i play with dp's witch of a mother - it shows that you are better than them and above all their shit!

spook · 03/11/2004 10:29

Hi Zephyrcat. I am trying really hard to think like that and every time I have let him do this in the past is coz I like him to be in the family home and feel the atmosphere that he's missing etc. But his mother makes my piss boil as does the fact that he seems to think this is an acceptable way of behaviour when you've left your wife and kids. Still using the home you left and getting angry at the thought of having no keys. Last time he stayed here in Sept when I was in London he slept in my bed!! And I said then I didn't think it was a good idea to do this again coz its upsetting for the boys. What must they think when daddys here again????
Is there any way I can let them stay but get across nicely how I feel about the situation?????
Am ranting I know but it really doesn't take much to turn me into a quivering jelly at the momnet.

spook · 03/11/2004 10:30

Hi Freckle honey. No my mother (another snarl!!!!! ) has taken the dog so house will be empty.

zephyrcat · 03/11/2004 10:31

Freckle's idea is a good one - let the boys go and stay with him tonight - could that work?

spook · 03/11/2004 10:37

Not really. He was picking them up from school tomorrow anyway and having them tomorrow night coz I'll be long gone by then, but they have an early flight on Friday morning and his mother obviously wants to go to the airport all together and there's not enough room in his fucking penthouse. And I am desperate to see the boys tonight coz won't see them till Monday and I will miss them (pathetic I know but we are so tightly knit now)

Freckle · 03/11/2004 11:44

Could they all go and stay with his mother? Does she have room?

The danger, as I see it, in letting him stay over and experience the family atmosphere he is missing, is that he gets the best of both worlds. He gets his bit on the side and can come to the house and experience family life when it suits. I doubt very much that his staying in the house is going to make him think again about leaving.

And I agree with you that it must be very confusing for the boys. At the end of the day, if he booked early morning flights, he must have had some plan to get there in time - or do you think he assumed he could stay over when he booked?

spook · 03/11/2004 11:58

Oh Freckle. I've got myself all bloody upset again. They're on sleazyjet do there's only one flight a day. I've sent him an e-mail saying that he can stay but I find it a very difficult and unusual situation. I just can't be bothered with any more bad atmospheres. I just can't be bothered with anything really.

zephyrcat · 03/11/2004 12:08

chin up spook - i'm sure you'll handle it. Has he replied to ur email?

spook · 03/11/2004 12:10

No ZC. Just got text saying he'll call me later. My dog got run over this morning

zephyrcat · 03/11/2004 12:11

Oh no, spook honey i'm so sorry. Is it ok?

spook · 03/11/2004 12:13

Well considering he got hit full on he's surprisingly intact. He's taken all the fur off his back paw and is limping. My mum has taken him coz I'm going away and she's taking him to the vets.The car didn't even stop.

zephyrcat · 03/11/2004 12:21

some peple are just absolute bastards arent they? Glad to hear he's ok though. Last thing you need today hey??

Original poster
anorak · 03/11/2004 12:29

Oh spook, what a horrible day you're having. Sending hugs xxxx

OP posts:
Freckle · 03/11/2004 12:34

Oh Spook, I'm so sorry. I hope my comments haven't made things more difficult for you.

How awful about your dog. I hope he is OK and has simply used up one of his lives (how many lives do dogs have???).

Take care.

spook · 03/11/2004 12:38

Oh Freckle.Ofcourse your comments haven't made things worse honey!!! I'm glad you're there. Just really down in the dumps today. Jesus Spook.Am wallowing I know it. Believe it or not I just can't get excited about going away.

Freckle · 03/11/2004 12:42

Don't worry. Once you get going, footloose and fancy free with a friend flashing plastic (!), you'll have a lovely time.

Go and spoil yourself. You deserve it.