Spook's wonderful new life

[anorak]

Time for a change of title, I think. You have stopped moving away from sadness and are now moving towards happiness and a new life, spook!

More ups than downs now . What's the latest?

Not very. An hour or more away I reckon. If you travelled to Cambridge from your neck of the woods using M25 you would pass within 2 mins of me though. Why? Are you coming by? That would be lovely

Hi Christie, thanks, I will.

yes, sorry about hijacking spook - just thought I might stand a chance of not being stalked by DD1 if I chatted here.

Beetroot, do tell me more! You have my email don't you?

Thanks Sobernow. Do you really think he's given it a second thought what its taking me to fill these skips.He did reach out when I started to cry but I wouldn't have his pitying hug. Rowetta rules

sobernow - I might just do that!

If she's here spending hours trawling mn she can't be out somewhere scaring me to death!

Have a lovely evening with your friend, spook! I loved her final word to him btw. No doubt about her loyalites.

or loyalties even

Hi girls. You will not believe what the twat has done now. I'm going to Ibiza on Friday and some friends are coming to house/dog sit. I asked him nicely if I could have his house keys for them which I gave him ages ago as a goodwill gesture to try and make him feel like he was still part of our lives. He has fucking well refused!!! Says "get some cut.It's my house too" How can he still have the abilirt to amaze me with his complete and utter twatishness? What the hell does he want keys to this house for anyway????????? Ggggggrrrrr.
(and I have just had my hair all chopped off and look like a peroxide blonde lesbian)
(not that there is anything wrong with peroxide blonde lesbians I hasten to add.Just not the look I was aiming for)

What does he want keys to the house for....? Good question, spook. He might not be just being twattish - might be planning a little house clearance of his own...???

Or am I over-cynical?

Change the locks.

I don't think so JanH. He has had every oppurtunity to take even his own possesions and won't do it. I think as Becca said to me it's a control thing. He's just left me a message about how it's his house too and he will not be left without keys to it again.If I can guarantee he'll get them back then ofcourse I can have them.Well fuck him. I'll just get some more cut. I'm not gracing him with guarantees to anything.
I honestly don't want to have to go to the expense of changing the locks again anorak. Money is very very very tight

I would definitely change the locks. It is no longer his primary residence so he has no right to come back whenever he feels like it. You are therefore perfectly entitled to change the locks for your own security. After all, you can't know who he might gives his keys to, can you??

Also, your friends who are coming to house-sit need to know that the house is secure. How would they feel if they came back one day to discover that someone had been in the house?

You're right. It is a control thing, so take the control away from him and exercise some yourself.

Ask him for some keys to his flat. He acquired it while married to you, so it's your flat too.

you're right anorak. Grrrrrrrrrrrr for you Spook. I'd definitely change the locks though.

I agree with everyone else, change the locks if at all possible, for your house sitting friends if nothing else.

i was about to say what anora just said - ask for keys to his flat
if he refuses, change the locks

I know what you are all saying is right but I just can't face more nastiness and another battle. Believe me he will go MENTAL if he realises I've changed the locks. For some reason he still bangs on that I ended the marraige when I changed the locks in the first place. I gave him the new key so he couldn't use this as an excuse for not coming home anymore. Why is it so important in his head that he still has keys for this house. Someone psychoanalyse that for me coz I'm buggared if I know. It is just so so symbolic to him.
Do you understand how I just don't have the fight in me anymore?? Whats the point. I'm selling I'm going. Soon enough he will have lost all control over me and his children.Does it really matter??
I think I will just ignore the issue and get keys cut for my friends and the estate agent. he's not even here next week. He's in fucking Japan with his girlfriends shit pap group.

Japan is the only place that a shit group can survive!

Spook, you are right about the key being symbolic. It's him having his cake and eating it. It means he can still lead his double life, even if it is only in his head. He likes to have his family in the wings so he can play happy families once every couple of weeks whilst living his bachelor lifestyle. Changing the locks would officially shut the door on the 'happy families' scenario, leaving him with the reality of what he has done. I'm sure he's still got his head in the sand about it all, there could be no other explanation for him acting like this.

So what would be the worse if he got angry? He's not likely to be able to do anything about it is he? You should definitely get the locks changed - any grief you receive from him is just because of that 'door' being closed in his face and him not being able to sope with the reality. Please change the locks spook!

But Ripley.Then he'll hate me so much that he'll NEVER come back.