How to talk to partner about money?

[Tulalula]

My partner usually patina in his weekly contribution on the same day each week. He's missed a few over the years but last year (when I was pregnant) I told him that if he was going to miss one I needed to know as I managed all the joint expenses. He's missed one again.... We're trying to buy a house and I keep saving as much as we can but I can't if I miss said money. I can't find the courage to confront him as I'm being fairly hormonal (and thus oversensitive) and his mother is around so I don't want to make a scene when she's around. Do I text him? I've already given him hints that I've checked my bank account (usually enough) but he hasn't and it's about to be a week from said missed payment.

*pays in

Just ask him if he’s forgotten. He needs to set up a direct debit so he doesn’t forget.

Of course you need to say something. It's worrying that you feel you can't.
How do you think he'll react?

I've never understood why he doesn't set a DD/SO I think it's mostly because he doesn't send any money over the first week of the month.

I'm not afraid of he'll react, but more how I'll react. After my birthday last year when I bout my own presents (he used my credit card and I paid it) I just feel very disappointed in him. I dread special occasions because I know he won't send the money over because he had to spend it somewhere else (like Valentine's, or related expenses to drive across the country to get his mum). Like I've told him.before I don't necessarily mind that he doesn't pay it, its that he doesn't tell me. It almost feels dishonest.

I think it's mostly because he doesn't send any money over the first week of the month.

Why not? He could pay you monthly if you like. He can’t just not pay if he doesn’t feel like it.

He's absolutely awful with money. I know if he doesn't send it as soon as he gets it he'll spend it, or think he has more available money than he does. Maybe I'm overreacting but it breaks my heart a little

Why are you with someone like that? He sounds like a child.

Because that's his only flaw. And I've seen his bank statements he genuinely doesnt overspends but he never has any money left over for things like clothes, special occasions, etc..

What is he overspending on?

None of this makes much sense. What is his weekly contribution?

Do you live together? Do you split everything 50/50? Why do you need to manage his finances like a child?

What does it matter if his Mother is there if you bring this up? Of course you need to be able to discuss this with him.

Sorry, misread.

Why can’t he pay his contribution if he isn’t overspending?

Yes , we live together. No we don't split everything 50/50 as he can't afford it.

He has very high commuting costs and after all of the essentials are met he has zero money left. So if say, Valentine's or my birthday or any unexpected expense happens he has no cushion left. So he takes it from his contribution.

What does his contribution include?

1/3 of our joint expenditure which includes everything. (Bills, rent, groceries, etc...)

If he's only contributing a third and he can't even pay that, you either need to work out how to lower your living costs or he needs to earn more.

I'd let him go to be honest, he sounds about 18. Having to 'manage' him must be exhausting. And he sounds like a financial drain.

What you’re saying doesn’t make sense. Either he has such high outgoings than he doesn’t have any money left, or he’s terrible with money and spends it as soon as he has it.

Is it only you saving to buy a house?

Purple I think it's mostly the outgoings as I've seen plenty of bank statements. There's maybe £100-150 missing . Last year he did use my credit card for all sorts of things, so I would think it could potentially be a mix of both.

As this precise moment I believe he has not a lot money left each week.

Yes, it's only me saving for the house as he has no money left after all bills are paid. I'm able to save between 400-700 depending on the month

Last year he did use my credit card for all sorts of things, so I would think it could potentially be a mix of both.

You gave him your credit card to use?

It's not clear whether he is awful with money or after all of the essentials are met he has zero money left.

It can't really be both.

This is financial abuse. He's not contributing because he knows he can get away with it. If there's nothing obvious he's spending his money on then my guess would be gambling. He's taking the piss. You're already subsidising him and his lifestyle. You need to get this sorted or you and your child are going to suffer financially

I don't think it's gambling (which I did think at some point) because nothing shows in his bank statements.

Yes, I gave him my credit card so he could use it for any joint expenses. That went on for 2-3 months. And had to put a stop to it, on my birthday nonetheless as he had abused my trust by then.

He pays a THIRD of expenses, uses your credit card willy nilly and YOU are buying a house for him to live in. You even pay for your own birthday presents out of your credit card. He's got it made, hasn't he?

What had he done to abuse your trust?

Use my credit card to buy things without my consent. Things that were not my responsibility whatsoever (buying a phone for his son).