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Relationships

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Original poster

How to talk to partner about money?

141 replies

Tulalula · 19/02/2020 10:14

My partner usually patina in his weekly contribution on the same day each week. He's missed a few over the years but last year (when I was pregnant) I told him that if he was going to miss one I needed to know as I managed all the joint expenses. He's missed one again.... We're trying to buy a house and I keep saving as much as we can but I can't if I miss said money. I can't find the courage to confront him as I'm being fairly hormonal (and thus oversensitive) and his mother is around so I don't want to make a scene when she's around. Do I text him? I've already given him hints that I've checked my bank account (usually enough) but he hasn't and it's about to be a week from said missed payment.

OP posts:

Original poster

Tulalula · 19/02/2020 15:34

In the grand scheme of things he doesn't owe that much. One will be paid off when we complete on the house , another one in a year's time and the third one maybe in two years? But it's only £25 so not much.

OP posts:

notthisshitagain · 19/02/2020 15:38

Really landed yourself a peach when you bagged yourself the OM, eh @niteandfog?

AngelsSins · 19/02/2020 15:54

I don’t really know what to tell you OP. I did want to warn you about being taken advantage of, but you seem happy with the situation.

So I guess I will just focus on your question about how to approach him re the money. I guess either a text, or just let it go and cover him for this month because you know he doesn’t have the money?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 19/02/2020 15:59

After commuting, maintenance and some other commitments he's left with £750- he cant survive on £750 a month spare cash?

Lobsterquadrille2 · 19/02/2020 16:16

I read it that he has £1,500 take home pay, out of which £600 is his contribution (40%), a further £675 is commuting, child support and debt related (45%) and the remainder of £225 is for incidental costs.

Original poster

Tulalula · 19/02/2020 17:08

That's correct *lobster". The road tax + insurance (for both cars), phone bills and that Xbox subscription come from those £225.

OP posts:

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 19/02/2020 17:47

Where did he live before he lived with you

katewhinesalot · 19/02/2020 18:29

I think you need a joint account if you see each other as a family unit - as long as you can trust him not to spend frivolously OR he needs to contribute a lower amount. It's not feasible as it is, and him having to tell you all the time is a bit like a SAHM having to go cap in hand to DH to ask for extra money- which isn't acceptable.

couchlover · 19/02/2020 19:25

Op you are right - if genders were reversed you would get different answers. I read it so often, its about similar disposable income, paying proportional to earning etc. Accept that only seems to apply on here when men earn more than women.

I do think you should take care to protect your assets. If you are saving to buy then YOU buy and your partner pay half of all other expenses (or less if you are happy that is fair.

Sadolmeee · 19/02/2020 22:07

With my ex he earned nearly double me, all our money went into a joint account that paid the bills that whatever was left we used between us.
It was always agreed we would do it like that, rather than percentage wise

Original poster

Tulalula · 20/02/2020 07:21

I was finally able to talk to him as he noticed something was wrong. It turns out that yes, between going for his mum and valentine's he was left with next to no money (and the little he had left he'd already forgotten). I told him I was more upset with myself for not being able to talk to him.about it and that we had to be more careful with money in general. If there's money for valentine's well, then just get me a card .

He recently had a pay increase and after buying the house he should have an extra £100 which I know is not a lot, but should help.

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 20/02/2020 08:37

He's a financial liability and you're going to end up bailing him out for your whole relationship

BumbleBeee69 · 20/02/2020 15:51

I agree Shoxfordiam

Techway · 21/02/2020 09:20

Is he poor with money or just a low earner?

It sounds like he doesn't earn much and his debts don't seem unmanageable. What is his work and is he paid weekly?

Letseatgrandma · 21/02/2020 09:27

Because that's his only flaw.

It clearly isn’t-which cries out from every post you write!

You see being incredibly naive here. Good luck with your future together-it’s going to be very disappointing and virtually all paid for you you!

Cheeseandwin5 · 21/02/2020 09:33

Why don't you get his money paid into your account and then transfer what he needs to his account?

Cheeseandwin5 · 21/02/2020 09:39

I was wondering also about a joint account, but would this make the OP open to liable to any money her partner owes?

Mary1935 · 21/02/2020 09:40

Yes great idea cheese.

Redwinestillfine · 21/02/2020 09:46

You need to do a budget detailing all bills and sit down with him to go through it. Explain that if you are living together you need to know when his share is coming in ( a regular date) to budget and ask that he sets up a standing order. Use the conversation to show him how much you put in. Take him off your credit card ( explain that it was only for emergencies and if he's not paying off what he puts on then he can't have access. If he can't afford his share the he needs to move out.

Original poster

Tulalula · 24/02/2020 10:09

Cheese that has been suggested but I find it a bit extreme.

I've told him that if there's no money, there simply isn't any money left for other things.

OP posts:

Cheeseandwin5 · 24/02/2020 14:40

I understand your apprehension, but the problem with ppl who are bad miney is sometimes they need saving from themselves. I am not saying this should be your responsibility, but if you stay with him he will take you down with him if you don't.
if there's no money, there simply isn't any money left for other things.
There are some bills that are non negotiable, rent/rates/mortgage/utility/food/child maintenance/etc.
These need to be paid, and I worry if you dont make some extreme choices it will all fall on you to pay them.

Original poster

Tulalula · 24/02/2020 15:19

Yes, exactly. He fails to see that I'll be more annoyed for a failed weekly contribution than for not getting me fancy chocolates for Valentine's. We're a team and as a former manager I know communication is key to a successful team.

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 24/02/2020 17:20

As a current manager, I'd recommend giving him the sack

RantyAnty · 24/02/2020 17:34

The commuting cost is taking a huge amount.
What type of work does he do? How far away is his job?

Original poster

Tulalula · 24/02/2020 19:07

He works in ship building. It's a 40-50min commute but it involves tolls.

Shoxfordian you just made me giggle :)

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