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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I’m devastated

176 replies

BueenQee · 16/02/2020 21:27

DP and I have split. We have a 10 month old son and I admit, things haven’t been good since DS was born. Although he is ok at parenting, he doesn’t pull his weight around the house, never cooks or does laundry, he’ll occasionally do the dishes, hoover or take the bins out but that’s as much input he puts in cleaning wise. Before DS, I didn’t mind doing the cooking and cleaning as I had the time to do it then. I also didn’t mind as much when I was on maternity leave as I was at home all day. But since going back to work we have been fighting constantly because of his lack of input. I feel a lot of resentment towards him because I feel like I’m doing everything and most nights it’s 9/10pm before I get to sit down, while he’s sitting watching tv or has left DS in his high chair while he plays his xbox and I do admit that I’ve got quite shouty at times as I feel like I’m talking to a brick wall when I ask him to do stuff.

He said today he loves me but part of loving me means he needs to let me go as the last few months have been filled with issues and he doesn’t see it getting any better. He said he thinks me being in a relationship isn’t good for my mental health as I get annoyed at him too easy and it’s never ending.

He’s went to his mums. I’m devastated.

OP posts:
notmyhusbandsproperty · 26/02/2020 21:50

Good luck tomorrow! I'm sure you will smash it! Xx

cstaff · 26/02/2020 21:56

Good luck tomorrow OP.

It really sounds like you can read him like a book and he is not liking it too much. It is possible that his own mum is seeing him for what he is. Useless without you there to hold his little handy...

Pumpkinpie1 · 26/02/2020 23:00

Good luck with the interview
I think it might be an idea to start looking at alternative nursery provision that includes holidays. Judging by his aversion to caring for his son it’s hard to envisage him stepping up to the plate and using his annual leave alongside yours to cover any gaps.

YorkshirePud1 · 26/02/2020 23:00

You should absolutely change the name of this thread from "I'm devastated" to something like "Good riddance man-baby!" Or something much catchier Wink Seriously though, well done for not falling for his mind games and manipulation - I've just read your full thread and he sounds like a complete arse. Also good luck for your interview tomorrow.

sunshineANDsweetpeas · 27/02/2020 07:43

Good luck OP Thanks

billy1966 · 27/02/2020 07:59

The very best of luck OP👍

blah1blah2blah3blah4 · 27/02/2020 08:02

Good luck with the interview today OP!

UpfieldHatesWomen · 27/02/2020 08:15

Good luck, OP, do it for yourself.

conduitoffortune · 27/02/2020 08:16

What it boils down to is that he's pissed off that he has been 'made' to look after his own DC a couple of nights a week because it's a bit of a chore for him, and involves more effort on his own than it did when you were together as you're not around to pick up the slack. Fancy having to drive to drop and pick your actual DC up from places, I wonder what that must be like 🙄

I just wanted to say that you have been amazingly strong. I wish I had acted like you when my useless XH left, taking his x-box with him, instead of waiting for him to come back! I bet he expected you to beg him to come back and offer to do all and sundry for him to secure his return and now he's gutted.

DarkPassenger · 27/02/2020 08:22

You are an inspiration OP. Good luck with the interview Flowers

Butterymuffin · 27/02/2020 10:34

Good luck OP, you're doing great Flowers

Mummacake · 27/02/2020 11:39

I hope your interview goes really well today. Sounds like man-child is unhappy that you are coping very well & I bet his mum is non too pleased that there's no sign of you taking him back either. Let him rant all he wants, your head is high - it's onwards and upwards for you. You & your child are so much better off without the pressure of an idiot slobbing about in your home. As pp mentioned look into robust childcare and make sure he pays half.

FizzyGreenWater · 27/02/2020 12:24

Oh ho ho ho he really doesn't like you not lettign him jerk your chain, does he?

Tbh that absolutely dreadful comment in your OP did it for me. 'Part of loving you means letting you go'... violins play, camera pans to jutting-chin shot of heroic man who just wants to love and be loved without all the boring having to pull your weight and do boring stuff like parenting and cleaning of course

what an absolute navel-gazing manipulative BELLEND.

You're doing great. It's no coincidence at all that you split the night you did that application. He likes pulling you down into the same mire as him so that he can feel better about himself. Now that your patience with this manchild is up, expect more tantrums as you continue to do better and succeed.

His only hold over you is your DS, so you're right to keep it brief and impersonal and just let him make all the twatty comments he likes. None of it has anything to do with you, it's all about him and how he's not coping and lashing out. Just be firm where things affect DS. The bottom line should be: if he can't hack parenting, it'll be off to court where you'll be requesting quite minimal access so that his tantrums and ti-for-tat can't affect your child. Whine all you like, all I'm concerned about is that you either parent, or fuck off.

LikeGlitterandGold · 27/02/2020 13:55

@FizzyGreenWater * *

Spot on! (As usual)

Original poster
BueenQee · 27/02/2020 13:57

Thank you to everyone for wishing me luck today. Interview is done and I think I did ok 😁 I can enjoy my (stress free) weekend now!!

OP posts:
datasgingercatspot · 27/02/2020 14:36

YAY! Hope he doesn't give you grief.

MaxNormal · 27/02/2020 15:12

Glad your interview went well, bet you're glad that's over!
You sound really together, and he sounds like an absolute dobber.

LynnSchmob · 27/02/2020 15:19

Well done. Onwards and upwards.

Daisy12Maisie · 27/02/2020 22:12

Dont let him have ds at yours. Just arrange for him to pick him up. I think the texts you sent were good. I think he wants you to beg for him to come back and promise never to nag him again, which is a free pass for him to do what he wants and you to do all the work and walk on egg shells so you dont upset him. He should apologise for being lazy. Not you. Asking someone to do what is reasonable isnt nagging!

sunshineANDsweetpeas · 28/02/2020 07:56

Well done on the interview, when will you find out?

Original poster
BueenQee · 28/02/2020 08:38

Not sure, I think I was the last of the interviews so should find out by the middle of next week I think. Will keep you all updated!

OP posts:
fibeee · 03/03/2020 21:50

Been thinking about you OP. Hope you are doing ok Flowers

DarkPassenger · 04/03/2020 09:18

Hope you hear good news about the job soon OP Flowers

hellsbellsmelons · 04/03/2020 12:15

Wow OP.
You've been amazing. Well done!
I hope you get some feedback on the job interview very soon.
Fingers crossed for you.

justilou1 · 07/03/2020 20:01

I read this last week, but my week kind of exploded. I meant to wish you the very best of luck with the job situation. I really hope you get this. It sounds like you have your life well-prioritised, and are far too smart to fall for any manipulative BS ex is likely to pull. I’m so proud of you!