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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Currently crying in the bathroom..

145 replies

Feelingalonehelp76 · 15/02/2020 10:04

Not had a great morning. We have my husbands relation staying with us for a few days and she is really hard work especially when it comes to our 2 young kids. She ignores everything we say regarding the kids, this includes using car seats, trying to give them different things for breakfast etc.

This morning the relative asked my child what they wanted, my child replied and I said no, please give her “such and such” cause she’s will never eat that, she completely ignored me and gave my child what she asked for. I just walked away and had to get a breather.

I’ve just spoken to my husband when I got a minute to have abit of a vent and he went ballistic and has told me to go to my mums house if I don’t like it and to get out of his face and he slammed the door.

I know for a fact I’m not overreacting. His family are so rude it’s unbelievable and know nothing about boundaries. Should I just walk out with the kids and get a few hours to ourselves? I got upset while telling my husband that she doesn’t listen to anything I have to say about the kids - this has been over 5 years, and felt horrible when he shouted at me (which his relative would have heard) Sad

OP posts:
gamerchick · 15/02/2020 10:06

Should I just walk out with the kids and get a few hours to ourselves?

Or go and stay with your mother with the kids until relative has left?

gamerchick · 15/02/2020 10:07

You have a husband problem btw. The fact he doesn't have your back won't have escaped this relatives attention.

CakeandCustard28 · 15/02/2020 10:07

It’s your home too. If your unhappy I would cut the visit short, or suggest she stays in a hotel. Tough shit.

Whynosnowyet · 15/02/2020 10:09

When the relative packs I would suggest dh goes with them...

ThatsSooooGerard · 15/02/2020 10:09

Ltb!

Nixby3 · 15/02/2020 10:11

Take the kids and go to your mum's. Your husband should support you not the relative.

Original poster
Feelingalonehelp76 · 15/02/2020 10:12

There’s no space at my mums otherwise I would 100% be going there. He’s told me so many times that his family are overbearing and even told me last night that he hates this relative coming to stay so I’ve no idea why he has blown his lid. He has told me whenever they upset me to tell him, I did, and he shouted at me like he never has done before

OP posts:
AFistfulofDolores1 · 15/02/2020 10:13

Husband problem.

AFistfulofDolores1 · 15/02/2020 10:13

He is displacing: taking it out on you because it's simpler for him. It's unconscionable.

QueenofallIsee · 15/02/2020 10:14

Though that was bang out of order, based on your update I’d say he is feeling the strain himself and took it out on you. He owes you an apology. I would ask why on earth you have this over bearing rude person to stay and not to do it again

UYScuti · 15/02/2020 10:15

If they are rude I would be even more rude right back to them😡 you shouldn't have to put up with that in your own home

Sweetandawfulsour · 15/02/2020 10:15

I asked a seemingly innocent AIBU last night and the amount of LTBs was ridiculous.
Is your husband and the relative close? Is the relative the mother? Is there already friction between you and your husband?

I’d certainly ask why he feels the need to belittle you and the need to do it in ear shot of the relative and no doubt the kids.
Then ask why he’s not prepared to face a little bit of hostility from this relative in order to back up your parenting.

champagneandfromage50 · 15/02/2020 10:17

Take your DC to your mums. My OH used to lose it with me when his parents were winding both of us up. Easier for him to focus on me than deal with them

Sweetandawfulsour · 15/02/2020 10:19

As for the relative, I’d simply tell them “Mum knows best” and stop whatever it is you don’t agree with. Any pushbacks from them and politely remind them where the front door is.

Aussiebean · 15/02/2020 10:20

Hotel if you can’t go to your mums. Even if it’s just you.

He can deal with being undermined to his own children until they leave.

UYScuti · 15/02/2020 10:20

I think your husband has been triggered by this awful relative and he just can't keep a lid on his temper this sounds like a very tense situation

maddiemookins16mum · 15/02/2020 10:21

Is it his mum or grandmother?

MrsMoastyToasty · 15/02/2020 10:21

Woman up and show the relative the door.

Babdoc · 15/02/2020 10:22

I can see two problems here.
One is your “D”H. He should totally support his wife against anyone else, relatives or not. He obviously doesn’t, and you need to question whether he respects you or even likes you when he fails miserably and shouts at you.
The second is your confidence and self respect. I wonder if these have been ground down by years of living with your DH?
A normal response to that rude relative would be to calmly say “My house, my child, my rules”, and remove whatever breakfast item she had tried to give your child.
It’s hard work standing up to pushy entitled people who lack boundaries, but if you show any weakness, or fail to draw a line in the sand, they will simply keep pushing until they walk all over you, and despise you while they do it.
You have choices, OP. You can continue to submit to bullying (because that’s what this is), or you can give your DH an ultimatum - this stops or you’re leaving, and mean it, or you can see if he will attend couples counselling with you. If he is abusive, counselling is NOT an option, by the way- he will lie and manipulate the counsellor to try and get her on his side and paint you as the problem.
Start practising to say No. Start standing up for yourself over small things and build up. Start boosting your confidence, tell yourself positive things about yourself every morning and evening. Take back control of your life from these awful people. Good luck, OP.

CakeandCustard28 · 15/02/2020 10:25

If your husband won’t be honest with them, try and find the courage to say they’ve out stayed their welcome and it’s time for them to go home. He’s taking the stress out on you from the relative.

Original poster
Feelingalonehelp76 · 15/02/2020 10:26

Thanks for the replies. The relative is an aunt. I could sit all day and give you a list of what exactly she has said and done over the years. The worst probably taking my child to the doctor for a cough while I was at work and keeping it from me. She had mentioned the doctor to me in the morning and I said, what no it’s a cough? She ignored me and phoned my child’s doctor and got an appointment, surprise surprise, nothing wrong with my child. This is the type of person I’m dealing with

I have a feeling I’m not going to get an apology any time soon

OP posts:
AdaColeman · 15/02/2020 10:26

Why is the relative (MIL?) deciding what your child has for breakfast? Get out of the bathroom, and take back control in your own house.

UYScuti · 15/02/2020 10:38

You need to get that aunt under control, she sounds 'personality disordered'

Sweetandawfulsour · 15/02/2020 10:39

Does the Aunt have children of her own?

Original poster
Feelingalonehelp76 · 15/02/2020 10:41

The aunt has one grown up child that has turned out an absolute mess who is horrible to everyone.

OP posts:
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