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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Currently crying in the bathroom..

145 replies

Feelingalonehelp76 · 15/02/2020 10:04

Not had a great morning. We have my husbands relation staying with us for a few days and she is really hard work especially when it comes to our 2 young kids. She ignores everything we say regarding the kids, this includes using car seats, trying to give them different things for breakfast etc.

This morning the relative asked my child what they wanted, my child replied and I said no, please give her “such and such” cause she’s will never eat that, she completely ignored me and gave my child what she asked for. I just walked away and had to get a breather.

I’ve just spoken to my husband when I got a minute to have abit of a vent and he went ballistic and has told me to go to my mums house if I don’t like it and to get out of his face and he slammed the door.

I know for a fact I’m not overreacting. His family are so rude it’s unbelievable and know nothing about boundaries. Should I just walk out with the kids and get a few hours to ourselves? I got upset while telling my husband that she doesn’t listen to anything I have to say about the kids - this has been over 5 years, and felt horrible when he shouted at me (which his relative would have heard) Sad

OP posts:
dontgobaconmyheart · 15/02/2020 14:12

It's your house OP. Stand up for yourself, there is no need to take it then run to your DP, he's obviously not going to kick them out is he.

Tell him you want a bloody apology, remind him that literally last night he says he hates her visiting, and if she has one more pop at you you'll tell her he said so because why should you bear the brunt. I'd also be telling him they are never staying again, and that if he ever raised his voice to me again- I would be leaving.

Teateaandmoretea · 15/02/2020 14:13

She doesn’t stay at MIL because FIL won’t allow it. Her behaviour was terrible when she used to stay at their house too

Surprise surprise 🤷🏻‍♀️

CoraPirbright · 15/02/2020 14:25

“Given that you have repeatedly told me that you hate aunt staying, that you find her domineering and that your own father refuses to have aunt stay at his house, there is one problem here and it isnt me. You asked me to tell you when she upset me - I did and you have bitten my head off which is grossly unfair. When you have cooled down, you will perhaps realise that you owe me an apology plus a promise that we will, just as your father has done, refuse to have her to stay again”

diddl · 15/02/2020 14:35

Cannot imagine why you'd want such a relative around your kids tbh.

Tell your husband that the Aunt fucks off or you do.

Although he sounds pretty awful tbh.

BarbedBloom · 15/02/2020 14:38

He is putting himself in the middle here by letting his aunt bully you. I am not someone who thinks wife or husband always comes first over family, but I would not tolerate any of mine treating my husband this way. It is also very telling that FIL said no to her staying.

I agree that you need to make it more difficult for him to upset you. I would be saying no more visits and if anyone complains, reply that you hope they enjoy hosting her. It doesn't have to be a screaming row, just every time she tries to undermine you, calmly say that it is not the way things happen in your home and do whatever you normally do.

I would be texting back saying he has put himself in this position by supporting the relative he hates coming to stay over his wife. Do not back down and do not apologise. The time has come to stand up for yourself and if he doesn't like it, tell him he knows where the door is and he can go to his mothers.

HannaYeah · 15/02/2020 14:53

I would tell him “then get out of the middle and stand by your wife as you vowed you would when you married me. By you allowing any person to come in our home and show me such disrespect you are allowing her to disrespect you, too. I am your wife. It’s your job to keep me happy. I’m not an unreasonable person and my expectations are fair. I will not have some other woman teaching my children that I’m a doormat. And it’s your job as my man to reinforce to the rest of the world that that they will treat me with the respect that your wife deserves.”

I believe every word of that above, too. She thinks he’s an idiot and she can walk all over his home and family. His Dad is a stand up guy. He shut her down and will not allow it.

eddiemairswife · 15/02/2020 15:00

Have you emerged from the bathroom yet?

BurtonHouse · 15/02/2020 15:31

Send him Corapirbright's message.
Send it to aunt too.

AcrossthePond55 · 15/02/2020 15:43

CoraPirbright's message is perfect.

saraclara · 15/02/2020 15:51

“Given that you have repeatedly told me that you hate aunt staying, that you find her domineering and that your own father refuses to have aunt stay at his house, there is one problem here and it isnt me. You asked me to tell you when she upset me - I did and you have bitten my head off which is grossly unfair. When you have cooled down, you will perhaps realise that you owe me an apology plus a promise that we will, just as your father has done, refuse to have her to stay again”

Definitely send this. There's not a thing there that he can argue with.

Drum2018 · 15/02/2020 16:01

I agree, text him @CoraPirbright message now.

ohfourfoxache · 15/02/2020 20:29

Another vote for Cora’s message

They are both vile. Actually, she’s vile and your H is spineless to boot

KundaliniRising · 16/02/2020 10:14

How have you handled this issue op?

Have you stood up for yourself yet?

Has your husband stood up for you also?

oofadoofa · 16/02/2020 17:14

Grow up man, sheesh. It’s for like a few days, can’t you just suck it up to keep the peace. Go for a walk and leave them to it, or do you need to be helicopter mum for the entirety of the stay?

And the first comment, by @gamerchick, ‘take the kids with you and stay with relatives’ is a great example of the childish, vindictive element that Mumsnst has become renowned for.

ddraigygoch · 16/02/2020 17:15

Welcome to OPs DH.

Ozziewozzie · 16/02/2020 17:29

My guess is he’s over reacted because he too is getting wound up over her visit. Because you approached him and it’s his sister, he felt pressured to deal with it. Instead of hearing you out he got defensive.

gamerchick · 16/02/2020 17:38

And the first comment, by @gamerchick,

Aw, bless you Grin

Welcome to OPs DH

Grin
EKGEMS · 16/02/2020 18:17

Oofadoofah Isn't it time for you to come off the keyboard and go have the lunch your mommy made for you, you immature asshole?!

DBML · 16/02/2020 19:35

Op,

I have a four bedroom house and only two of them have beds in. (Ours and DS’s). This is tactical.

Perhaps a month or so down the road, suggest turning your spare bedroom into a playroom/ extra living room/ laundry room...whatever takes your fancy. Then oops! There’s nowhere to stay! Sorry.

oofadoofa · 16/02/2020 19:35

@EKGEMS I’m sure that sounded funny in your mind.

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