Husband grieving for OW

[Filly2011]

Anyone had experience of this?
Husband had 14 month affair with woman at work. Told me about it when she finally dumped him in favour of her husband. DH says he wants to keep marriage and willing to work at it. After months of counselling he now admits he is very upset as still loves her and knows he’s lost her. I feel very cut up by this. Can’t stop thinking about it.

Years ago there was a MN poster who wrote about things a cheating man wishing to stay married could do to try make amends for an affair.

I expect said poster may have got her ideas from this well known book:

www.amazon.co.uk/Help-Your-Spouse-Heal-Affair/dp/145055332X?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

I did not bother with it myself because I knew my cheating louse of a husband doesn't believe in self-help books...

How are you doing this (rather sodden) Sunday, Filly?

BBBear the recipe was courtesy of Woitrose - lamb in red wine jus. All the vegetable prep was my own!
Craftycorvid I am ok thanks. Trying to steel myself to drive car alone to shop! Am just worried someone will nick the only space I can xonfidently park in and when I get back I won’t know what to do!

I know I’m ridiculous btw

Just do it OP. Park the car where you can, then pour yourself a large glass of wine once you've parked the car of course

Op I still get worried about parking and I've been driving for a long time now! How are you feeling this morning? That lamb sounded amazing btw!

God. You're really not ridiculous.

You sound like a lovely woman who has been let down and emotionally savaged by this awful man.

I cruise for ages looking for easy parking spaces. Been driving for thirty years

The bad thing is there is a parking space in lane behind house. Right behind house. Man next door uses it and we don’t compete with him because he’s very ill. I might ask if I can park and block him in if desperate sometimes.
It is ridiculous not to move car in case u lose only space u able to park in!

Book a driving lesson to do parking, it will give you a lot of confidence. This is something you can fix.

Remember also that the parking issue is fixable. If you sell this place and move back to your hometown, make sure you choose a place with a nice wide driveway. You can do this....

It is ridiculous not to move car in case u lose only space u able to park in!

Filly2011 If you want light relief today catch up on the three Alphabet Street parking threads - they are hilarious and will cheer you up, in particular MrsB who insists on parking her car across TWO parking spaces just so her car door is directly in front of her house front door and comes out of her house to move her car as soon as someone else moves out of 'her' space, wearing a pink dressing gown! www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3821556-alphabet-street-is-this-thread-3

Just had a word with neighbour who parks at back. He said he doesn’t care if I park there and block him in in extremis so feel a bit better.
The parking thing in this area (tightly packed terraced houses) is awful. People are beyond vile. Plus many of them have enormous cars or more than one car (one guy has 3).

Blimey Sunshinesupermum just looked at that parking thread. People are so weird! And awful.

Just one small thing. My social life is coincidentally full of people who are single for one reason or another and it just makes it seem a normal way to be . Of course I have married friends or coupled friends but it is lovely to be in a group where you don't feel a bit strange or looked at as if you are a bit odd! So this might be something which helps, if and when you get away from this new stranger.

Well if it makes you feel better the first time I drove on my own after passing my test, I drove nearly all the way to the supermarket with my handbrake on. Couldn't work out why I was going so slowly
Have some refresher lessons, they have really good techniques to help you with parking.....if you follow the 'rules' it works every time.

I would definitely book a lesson with a focus on parking. No instructor worth their salt will look down on you - you are actively taking steps to become a better driver!

You are sounding more positive than when you started this thread.

One thing I suddenly take on board is that he has been an absolute fool, as someone said he has risked his marriage for OW who’s not even prepared to stand by him. Even worse to think he’s still in love with her

Am so glad you've grasped this. He seems to be an absolute wally. She was enjoying a fun affair with a man who could provide some extra business for her company. He thought he was with the love of his life.

He then goes and announces to you that he's having an affair - of course that's the last thing she wanted and she dumps him like a hot potato. And yet he still can't see what a fool he's been - or maybe he can which is why he is moping so much.

Either way he is a Grade 1 Idiot.

There's an organisation called Affair Recovery which I mention not because I think you want to rebuild, but because there are some relevant you tube presentations where the unfaithful founder talks candidly about how the unfaithful party playing the victim blocks any sort of progress and further alienates the wronged party. I think you will recognise your OH's approach and understand your own reluctance to move on with him.

You will find it so much easier learning to park than your OH will ever find learning to be a decent human being.

He has had his arse well and truly handed to him on a plate that's why he's so pissed off, trying to make OP suffer as a way of compensating his poor wounded ego 🙄

Glad you got the parking sorted Filly that's one thing less to worry about! Well done. Onward and upward x

Now doesn’t know if he can be with me outside therapist office

That’s absolutely fine! You certainly don’t want to associate with the life and joy sucking leech do you?!
Let him wallow in his self-pitying mire, and here’s to a new life for you 🥂💐

I cruise for ages looking for easy parking spaces Same here - and in a car park I like one I can drive"through", so I drive in and drive out.

Done it! Drove to supermarket and back in rain. No one bipped me. No one nicked my space! Relieved. Thanks for the support.
It’s so sad the first person I wanted to tell Id done it was dh. It’s the habit of 40 years. He was always my closest friend. That’s why I still can’t quite believe he’s done this - and especially at his age!