If your oh of two years tells you he is very selfish..

[supersonicspender]

And is not sure about having children in the future, wwyd?
I would like a child or two. I am in late twenties. He is mid thirties. Otherwise the relationship is perfect .

I think he is being sensible telling you now rather than further down the line.

Id believe him and move on.

What if you loved him ?

I think it needs further discussion and maybe a deadline for you to decide whether to stay with him or go if he still doesn't want children.

Then have to decide whether you love him enough to potentially go without children. He’s being honest: he isn’t sure. He might change his mind, he might not. But you have to assume that he might not.

Sadly, I would listen to him. Absolutely don’t have a child with him. Either stay with him and accept no DC, or split.

The first option carries the significant risk that he splits up with you in 8-10 years and it’s too late for you to start over with someone who does want DC. This happens a lot.

I'd thank him for letting me know and end the relationship, as I wouldn't want to give up having children for a selfish man.

he is giving you the choice, him or kids.

Sadly, that is probably not going to change

I'm terribly conflicted because we adore one another and are nearly living together.
I have never felt like this about a man before but he is selfish and I can accept that is the way he is. I would love kids and they were always part to f the master plan but I think I love him more.
If he changed his mind I would have to accept that he will remain selfish.selfish men dont change do they?
Could a baby change him

I'm terribly conflicted because we adore one another and are nearly living together.
I have never felt like this about a man before but he is selfish and I can accept that is the way he is. I would love kids and they were always part to f the master plan but I think I love him more.
If he changed his mind I would have to accept that he will remain selfish.selfish men dont change do they?
Could a baby change him

When someone tells you who they are, believe them.

It but enjoy that he is selfish for not wanting a baby. He is selfish full stop.
I think his main teason for not wanting a baby is his selfishness. He doesn't see himself giving up his freedom or life restyle for a baby.

No be grateful he is telling you now not age 35. Calm conversation you are wanting children but appreciate his honesty better to end now. No joint house or marriage to dissolve.

His selfishness may seem part of his personality now and adorable in a quirky way, but as he ages that selfishness will become more pronounced. Regardless of whether children feature in your future he will most likely always prioritise his needs and wants over yours. I would listen very carefully to what he is saying now as he is telling you who he really is.

It is he who is 35.

Could a baby change him

No. You will notice his selfishness far, far, far more if you have a baby together, and you will resent it. And he will just say “well I did tell you”.

Not wanting to give up freedom and lifestyle is a perfectly valid and sensible reason for not wanting DC. He is being reasonable and at least he has thought about the reality of having DC. You just want different things, sadly.

Most men know whether they want children or not in their mid thirties, he has clearly decided it’s not for him. If you want children, I’d leave him and find someone on the same page as you.

Why would you willingly give a child a selfish father?

At times he does prioritise his needs. I like a man to take control and organise things but I notice that as the relationship grows, he takes it upon himself to organise stuff like dates without discussing with me at times that work our him. He also decides when he is free to meet me because he gives silly excuses not to meet me if he just wants time alone, rather than be truthful and tell me he needs time alone.

I think kids is a deal-breaker.
I know a man who said this and strung a friend along for years, all for him to jump ship and have kids with the next woman that he got with. My friend was devastated and almost left it too late to have children. Luckily she did but she has struggled with being an older mother.
If he is adamant that he doesn't want children then I would have a long hard think about what you really want.

He’s saying “I’m too selfish for kids so if one comes along don’t expect me to be a dad to it. I’m not lifting a finger and don’t you whine about pregnancy symptoms either. I’ll rarely see the kid because I’ll be off doing single man things.”

Do you think he’ll help fund the therapy your child will need as an adult?

He is not adamant but doesn't think that's what he wants. Bottom line is he's not sure and I'm not sure whether to stay with him and not have a child or leave .I love him very much.

A baby would change him, yes! and for the worst. You'd spend all your time looking after it, whilst he goes and does his own selfish things, then eventually, even though you say you love him now, resentment will creep in and you'd be miserable. Personally I can't stand selfish people - what is it about him that you love? Don't waste any child bearing years with this man, you'll regret it sorry