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Original poster

This is a red flag isn't it? I'm fuming

323 replies

duckingredflags · 12/02/2020 07:05

I have been dating a man who lives close to me for the last couple of months, we are both early 20's. I live at home with parents and he has a flat 10 minutes up the road. He works nights and last night he mentioned he hadn't eaten before work so I offered to drop him some food off from McDonald's at around 10 o'clock as I drive and he doesn't. I turned up with the food and then on my way home I received messages saying I'd got his order wrong and detailing everything I'd got wrong, he'd asked for no ice in his drink and there was ice, I'd got the wrong sauce and his chips were cold. This got my back up as I'd driven all the way there for him and paid for it, so I snapped back that it was ungrateful to be complaining and he messaged back saying 'well, if you got the wrong food served to you in a restaurant and you were looking forward to it you wouldn't be happy would you ? I saw red at this point and responded 'well I'm not a fucking restaurant am i?' You should go yourself next time then. He responded with 'forget it'. I'm seriously considering ending things over this, I'm not being unreasonable and overreacting am I ?

OP posts:
YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 12/02/2020 10:48

Please tell me you have ditched this awful awful man. He will only get worse, I guarantee it.

maadlady · 12/02/2020 10:53

Sack the mizzo off. I would be made up with maccys anyday.

Morporkia · 12/02/2020 10:57

What an absolute asshole. Have you dumped him yet? Don’t worry about the pp sticking her heels in and insisting you are in the wrong. It’s probably his mum. 💐 🍔😝

LangClegsOpinionIsNoted · 12/02/2020 11:08

He's a twat. Don't waste time on twats.

Dump, move on.

FridgeOffal · 12/02/2020 11:12

I cannot believe some of the replies here Blush Angry

Human who likes another human goes slightly out of her way to do a kind thing for them - that's not a red flag for fucks sake, it's being a lovely thoughtful human being!

He was a complete arsehole. Even if mcdonalds had given him a completely different meal that was stone cold, his response to his girlfriend who kindly was thoughtful and caring enough to want to go get, pay for and deliver a breakfast to him because she knew he hadn't had any, should have been gratitude that she'd done a kind thing for him. Sure,by all means say "tch,McDonalds trying to freeze me even further by putting ice in my drink and cold chips lol" but still make it clear that you're not shooting the messenger - just a simple "it was very kind of you though, thanks babe xx" would do.

Bathbedandbeyond · 12/02/2020 11:13

You can do better than him OP, move on.

BiarritzCrackers · 12/02/2020 11:16

You're not ending things over a McDonald's as such, you're ending it because he's given you a glimpse of his real self

I wish I had been given this advice in my 20s - you feel ridiculous for dumping someone over issues like this, as in the re-telling it will become, "she broke up with me because I told her she'd bought me the wrong food!", but his reaction to it tells you a lot about the character of someone.

QueSera · 12/02/2020 11:19

Run away from him fast!
He has no manners, and is basically not nice. Hopefully he will realise that it is wrong to act the way he does.

BlackCatSleeping · 12/02/2020 11:23

Human who likes another human goes slightly out of her way to do a kind thing for them - that's not a red flag for fucks sake, it's being a lovely thoughtful human being!

If the OP was already in McDs and he texted and asked her to pick him something up and gave her the money for it, then that would be slightly out of her way.

She was at home. He expected her to go out, drive to McDs, pick him up some food, drive it to his place, and he didn't even give her the money for it. That is 100% CF territory. I knew a woman who treated her BF like that and I told him the same thing, she's a pisstaker.

Mittens030869 · 12/02/2020 11:27

It's the sort of behaviour I don't let my 2 DDs (10 and 7) get away with. Well done for standing up to him, a lot of women would have apologised and reheated the chips for him. And why didn't he just remove the ice and left the drink to warm up a bit?

I agree with the others, get rid.

Honeyroar · 12/02/2020 11:28

He originally sounded self centred and thoughtless- then backed it up by being rude and cheeky. I hope you’re strong enough to see that and ditch him. (have you heard from him since, by the way?)

And the lady agreeing with him sounds just as entitled and silly, but that’s her opinion and she doesn’t deserve the swearing replies.

ThisMustBeMyDream · 12/02/2020 11:35

The basic manners of some are definitely lacking on here.
How mannerly is it to be such an entitled twit that you would -
feel let down at someone making a kind gesture and then expecting me to be grateful when I wouldn't or couldn't eat it

  • when the kind person helping you has no control over the heat of the food, or whether ice cubes have been mistakenly added?

You have control over checking and asking for a replacement. No one going to McDonalds is so helpless that they can not do this.

I'm a woman who would not feel grateful to someone supposedly doing me a kind gesture, and then actually expecting me to be gratfeul and return a gesture in the future

  1. & you are taking issue with other people's 'rudeness'? You would not feel any gratitude for someone going out of their way to buy your dinner - because the chips were cold &, despite their request not to, the restaurant added ice to your drink? How is that their fault, & how does that change the kindness of their gesture?

It doesn't change the kindness of the OP, but unless she did it truly selflessly (and most people do not do random acts of kindness for no return) then it is reasonable to assume that the OP would expect he would respond with a reciprocal act in the future.

  1. OP wasn't expecting 'gratitude'. She was expecting not be be upbraided & sulked at for her kindness.

He hasn't sulked according to her narrative of the situation. He has just been assertive in stating it wasn't right. The OP said she napped at him. Sounds like he retaliated to that. Two wrongs don't make a right though.

  1. Where are you getting the impression she has expected any return favour?

The majority of people do. It isn't unreasonable to make an assumption about human nature.

It's no use changing the narrative to support your brattish expectations of servitude from other people@ThisMustBeMyDream. Other people can read.

There is no polite response I can offer to this.

As this thread has taken up enough of my time this morning I kindly ask if you wish to continue to argue your point, please PM me and I can respond without dragging the thread up active convos tomorrow.

Raindancer411 · 12/02/2020 11:45

How ungrateful!! I would be saying bye after this and find someone who appreciates your thoughtfulness more. It will only get worse... I can see him being one of these men that comes home to a cooked meal and moaning about all the things wrong with it.

smashstore · 12/02/2020 11:47

As this thread has taken up enough of my time this morning I kindly ask if you wish to continue to argue your point, please PM me and I can respond without dragging the thread up active convos tomorrow.

Wow. Do you think you are royalty or something Hmm

JacquesHammer · 12/02/2020 11:49

As this thread has taken up enough of my time this morning I kindly ask if you wish to continue to argue your point, please PM me and I can respond without dragging the thread up active convos tomorrow

Please tell me you didn’t type that in earnest. Nobody is that socially unaware Grin

Mittens030869 · 12/02/2020 11:50

I can't understand why he had expectations that the fries would be hot by the time you gave them to him. But then, for me McDonalds is a place to go to at a motorway services when I'm hungry enough not to care whether there's ice in my drink or not or whether your fries (not tasty chips) are hot enough. As for the sauce, it's the chance you take when buying it as a takeaway.

Morporkia · 12/02/2020 11:59
Hmm
FridgeOffal · 12/02/2020 12:48

She was at home. He expected her to go out, drive to McDs, pick him up some food, drive it to his place, and he didn't even give her the money for it. That is 100% CF territory. I knew a woman who treated her BF like that and I told him the same thing, she's a pisstaker.

If he expected it then I 100% agree with you. I just haven't seen evidence of that being the case? Sorry if I missed it.

I saw OP say in a later post "well he hinted at" but I don't really know if that was her understanding of it at the time or if its retrospective analysis that may or may not be true of his intentions?

I've commented in passing to eg a workmate that I'm hungry because I skipped breakfast. I 100% was not hinting but workmate offered me some of her biscuits. I might or might not accept her kind offer (and when the situation is reversed I share my food with her too) but I could just as easily see me having the same conversation with my boyfriend over text and definitely wouldn't mean I was hinting. He lives 2 hours away, if he offered to bring McDonalds to my work I'd be horrified and absolutely refuse and kick myself for accidentally coming across as hinting!! 😳

What I'm trying to say is I could see myself in the OP's fella's shoes, mentioning that I hadn't eaten in chit chat but it absolutely wouldn't be a hint. Maybe OP could clarify if he was defo hinting?

ScrommidgeClaryAndSpunt · 12/02/2020 12:58

The correct answer to this sort of ingratitude is "well, if it's not up to sir's exacting standards, then sir retains the option of shoving it up his arse and fucking off while he's doing it."

5LeafClover · 12/02/2020 13:16

Huge red flag. It says everything about where he sees your place in the relationship and that will just keep repeating itself in various ways for however long you stay with him.

You don't talk to a friend as he spoke to you. You don't talk to someone who you value as he spoke to you. You don't talk to someone as he spoke to you.

I predict he will try to ignore it, then blame you for standing up for yourself, then offer to 'talk' (about his many problems that gave him permission to do this)so you can get back in your 'useful girlfriend round the corner box'.

5LeafClover · 12/02/2020 13:18

Last one should read You don't talk to someone you respect as he spoke to you.

Grumpelstilskin · 12/02/2020 13:43

@hisMustBeMyDream Are you on glue?

WhatACrockO · 12/02/2020 14:09

i would have thrown it all the in microwave till it was almost on fire

🤣🤣🤣

BlackCatSleeping · 12/02/2020 14:47

@FridgeOffal

Fair enough. Just if you mentioned in passing to a coworker that you were feeling a bit hungry because you missed breakfast and the coworker then offered to go to the shop to buy you something. I think most people would find that a bit OTT, not say "OH, great. I'll have a ham sandwich on brown bread please and a diet coke" and not even offer them the money. To me, that just screams CF.

BlackCatSleeping · 12/02/2020 14:56

I might be misunderstanding though. My Ex was quite manipulative with his "hints", so I'm probably projecting somewhat.