OLD is becoming really vile-where are the manners???

[Nadia86]

Just a rant really.Online dating last 6 months.My two previous serious relationships were from OLD so I was positive to go on it again.
Just to clarify-I am not against it,Im not desperate,I had great RL dates.I dont hate men lol....But Im sick of lack of manners,basic etiquette,basic kindness from men I either chat to or meet.

• awful questions such us -whats your weight hun?,can you fuck like a pornstar?, I know are vegetarian - would you have my sausage??? I was even offered money for sex!

These guys dont get my time or energy and are blocked.I have a thick skin I laugh at it ,ii is what it is but Im still thinking-what the actual fuck? Some of these men have daughters! Recently though Ive been getting more and more fed up with men's behaviour ,those I went on dates with.Often late, forgetting their wallets, getting drunk. Or if the date went well I always send a message to thank them and I get no reply!I don't expect a guy to fall in love with me -most of the time I dont want a second date myself but to not even reply to thank me or anything??? One guy I spent 4 hours with- fabulous dinner,drinks,we talked all the time. I never expect anything afterwards I know how things go but again I sent a text to say thank you and heard nothing and that was 4 days ago!How rude! Im independent,have friends,I actually enjoy dating but also hate being one of millions of girls men have at their fingertips. Some dates seemed more like a job interview especially with men who are experienced with OLD. Not sure what Im asking. Should I carry on?Call men out on their shitty behaviour? Im just angry. Hate wasting my time yet Im prepared to invest it in finding the right person but Im really loosing my patience.

@yesterdaystotalsteps123 oh god another one of those....sorry :( My friend found her husband on Tinder couple of years ago - another friend saw him and alerted her. He didn't even bother changing his name etc. Grim!

I remember last years Valentines pretty well. Made a huge effort for my ex even though I hate romantic gestures especially when they are pre planned etc. We had such a lovely evening. Remember him saying that this years Valentines will be on him and he will spoil me. And here I am lol swimming through dick picks on Fab!😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

The way men act, it makes them appear to hate us. So many are pornsick and expect women to do degrading painful sex acts. Choking, anal, etc. that they see in porn.

Dating apps have been around long enough, they know exactly how to lie to get women into bed. Easy to pretend to be the perfect guy in chat.

When that Indian woman was raped and burned, one porn site had over 9 million searches for it. Sad and disturbing.

Ranty Not all of us, thank you.

In the olden days (when I were a lad and all this were fields) you tended to meet men through 'friends of friends' or from doing an activity, so you had the chance to get to know them as who they were first. And there were often people on the periphery who knew them, so they cam 'pre-vouched for' as it were. There seemed to be less of the 'I'll pretend we're in a relationship so I can get sex' because the word would go out if a man (or woman, presumably) behaved like this and they would be avoided.

Nowadays, with the quick fix for loneliness being OLD, it's easier for people to hide behind an on screen persona; to lie about who and what they are, and for sex to be a disposable commodity that's no longer seen as part of pair-bonding but as more of a hobby.

The rise of available porn has also given men ideas of what's out there (even if it is fake and transactional, it's amazing how many of them think that porn sex is real sex and that's how women want it). They ALL want to try anal, fisting, choking etc, because they've seen it in the films!

Sorry yesterday
So depressing!
Again he's handsome, employed, fit, seemingly a catch... and I met him online

Nowadays, with the quick fix for loneliness being OLD, it's easier for people to hide behind an on screen persona; to lie about who and what they are, and for sex to be a disposable commodity that's no longer seen as part of pair-bonding but as more of a hobby.
Oh no!

The rise of available porn has also given men ideas of what's out there (even if it is fake and transactional, it's amazing how many of them think that porn sex is real sex and that's how women want it). They ALL want to try anal, fisting, choking etc, because they've seen it in the films!

Kill me now!

Honestly I’m scared now. I love sex. I do not want to be without it for the rest of my life. I am not a young beauty but I think I’ve still got it... possible... hides.

I also had my share of fun, have been up for no strings attached sex but met a lot of men who I spent time with first, and even one night stands I vetted. And if I didn’t like their kiss, or their integrity, they were dumped.

But OLD now is just soooo depressing. It’s taken that passion and that value for human beings away. Any of us can just have sex, it’s easy. But it’s like eating a rubbish take away laden with salt and bad oil, we eat it but it has zero nutrition.

What do we do on wise Mumsnet?!

Head over to The Litter Tray and become vicarious Crazy Cat Ladies? 😉

Most recent worst date... had been talking to a guy for a while, he was respectful etc etc.. organised to meet him for a coffee and just before I arrived he messaged me saying ‘I hope you are looking hot’... so I arrived at cafe (I was 2 mins away), told him he’d totally blown it. Actually I did look fucking hot that day and he looked like a sad twat and looked nothing like his profile pics. His face was quite the picture.

@Buggedandconfused well done for saying that to him. What an idiot. Bet you looked hotter than the sun! His loss. Again so mich wasted time it's so disappointing!

For porn to be interesting for me I need the men to be good looking with lean muscular physiques but if porn showed men like that it wouldn't sell because most men just don't measure up and it would make them feel inferior.
Instead they show very average looking men with 'meh' bodies getting it on with women who in real life wouldn't even notice that they exist🙄

Don’t get me started about porn! Grrrrr

I do have a few Male friends who cannot seem to find a relationship either. So maybe there is hope. Unfortunately one is just a total commitment phobe. He’s been on all OLD but just doesn’t go the distance. The other is a gym trainer and I think he’s just become body obsessed - and maybe gym perfect women are not picking him for the long term. Something isn’t working very well!

the other is a gym trainer
'Gym perfect' women(who even has time for all that 🙈) can afford to be very choosy and he ain't getting chosen!

@UY yes maybe he’s just got the bar too high himself! He’s an interesting example. Nice man. Decent, kind. Very muscley! He’s always been the most fanciable man in the room. However I saw him go for way younger women for years, and now he’s older I wonder if he has just got too picky thinking OLD will give him youth, very fit and a woman to marry. He’s not looking at women his own age that is for sure!

I was in a relationship with a gym obsessed guy and dont think I could do it again. I work out myself but every time I misses a workout he would question it and call me lazy.Fuck that.

Yes @Nadia86 WAY too much hard work.

I lived with gym guy for a short time. I have to say it was very nice having him wander around the house and I was tempted...

However when he bought out his kale and protein shakes, and talked about his reps I just thought... I would be judged on every single inch of my body... not a sexy thought at all!

That's exactly how I felt!

He's not looking at women his own age
He thinks he's the alpha and is therefore entitled to his pick of the young naive easy to manipulate women
But these young women take one look at him and think 'no thanks grandad' ... that's if he's lucky most likely they don't even see him, not with all those hot young bucks to choose from😂
Fill your boots girls (I wish I had)

But these young women take one look at him and think 'no thanks grandad' ...

Actually, those young, fit women he thinks he can get aren't even usually on OLD because . . . well, they don't have to be! And yes, even my teen is the first to gasp, 'EW! Old!'

@Nadia86, @Warmfirechocolate You guys really aren't selling me the gym guy thing. I currently fancy my gym instructor, he is rather hot and single, now I'm having doubts 😬🤣

@Isitreally77 doesn't mean you cant have some fun! And who knows he might even be nice and smart too? 🤭

How do you know for 100% they aren't lying???

@Nadia86 you sound thoughtful and savvy, and not easily taken in by the 'spin' (probsbly have the same battle scars I have lol), which is a great starting point because you're better equipped to tell time wasters and slimeball to FTFO and when they get there FO some more

I don't know you can ever be 100% certain, but there are lots of small things that, when put together as a complete picture, tell you a lot about the person. For example (this list is not exhaustive!):

• allows you to set the pace as regards first meet-up, doesnt naff around with weeks and weeks of texting, emails, going AWOL etc. They're responsive to communications without being stalkerish.

• is willing to share snippets about their life, motivated to help you to get to know them, and are also interested in your world, what you're up to and what you decide to share with them.

• keen to get out their diary, to set the next meet up. Happy to let you choose the venue.

• doesn't get into sleazy sex talk or over sharing photos/their preferences/asking you intrusive questions too early. Lets the conversation flow naturally and doesn't make your relationship all about sex all the time or being too intense or demanding. Doesn't shower you with excessive amounts of attention, gifts, calls and texts 24/7 (it never lasts!)

• is happy to meet at yours or his, so there's no secrecy or worries that he is already in a relationship and has something to hide.

• if your spidey senses tingle, listen to them, they are there to protect you!

The "doesn't get into sleazy sex talk ..." one is a good indicator they want a healthy physical and emotional relationship with you and aren't fixated on re-enacting the last porno scene they saw on their mobile phone.

Whilst there are a lot of MNers who see nothing wrong in porn use, this is balanced by a lot of people who find it dehumanising and unpleasant to realise you're nothing more than a piece of meat to those sorts of men - they've lost, or never had, the ability to cultivate relationships that involve give and take - to them it's all about their needs, their wants and nothing about the person they're meant to be connecting with.

@daisychain01 thank you so much for some really good advice and kind words.
I ,personally,hate and do not approve of porn and do not want to be part of their porn fantasies.
I know its hard and I know it will take time.
I am not in a hurry and dont want kids so if it takes me 10 years to find someone then be it. Dont mind FWB yet again will not let someone treat me like a toy. Mutual respect - I want that whatever arrangement I have with the man I am seeing.

Yeah the battle scars are there...

@daisychain01 yep I will trust my own judgement. The older I get the better it is!