OLD is becoming really vile-where are the manners???

[Nadia86]

Just a rant really.Online dating last 6 months.My two previous serious relationships were from OLD so I was positive to go on it again.
Just to clarify-I am not against it,Im not desperate,I had great RL dates.I dont hate men lol....But Im sick of lack of manners,basic etiquette,basic kindness from men I either chat to or meet.

• awful questions such us -whats your weight hun?,can you fuck like a pornstar?, I know are vegetarian - would you have my sausage??? I was even offered money for sex!

These guys dont get my time or energy and are blocked.I have a thick skin I laugh at it ,ii is what it is but Im still thinking-what the actual fuck? Some of these men have daughters! Recently though Ive been getting more and more fed up with men's behaviour ,those I went on dates with.Often late, forgetting their wallets, getting drunk. Or if the date went well I always send a message to thank them and I get no reply!I don't expect a guy to fall in love with me -most of the time I dont want a second date myself but to not even reply to thank me or anything??? One guy I spent 4 hours with- fabulous dinner,drinks,we talked all the time. I never expect anything afterwards I know how things go but again I sent a text to say thank you and heard nothing and that was 4 days ago!How rude! Im independent,have friends,I actually enjoy dating but also hate being one of millions of girls men have at their fingertips. Some dates seemed more like a job interview especially with men who are experienced with OLD. Not sure what Im asking. Should I carry on?Call men out on their shitty behaviour? Im just angry. Hate wasting my time yet Im prepared to invest it in finding the right person but Im really loosing my patience.

Sorry not 'need' I meant to write 'meet some nice guys'!

@TurkeyBasterHopeItWorks thank you 😊 you know I absolutely love Dinner Date might try that hahahahaha.
The thing with hobbies and stuff -I do these cause I enjoy them not because I am looking for a man.But If I meet one through these that would be a bonus 😜 of course. And in a way,being single allows me to have more time to do things I love doing. Still it would be nice to meet someone nice to go on dates with 😛

Haven't looked on Fab yet will get some wine first and sign up tonight 🤣😉

I dipped my toe in online dating last year. Never again. Some of the messages I got were crude, why would anyone think its acceptable to send someone they don't know graphic descriptions of what they would do to you if you met. I'm no prude but quite frankly those messages aren't my thing and in fact turn me off.

I'm now sworn off it and think I will stick to the old fashioned way of meeting someone in real life and see how things go.

What do I put in my Fab profile? I want to have some NSA fun but Im very safety conscious and I still want to be treated right.Again Im not desperate but want to give it a go. Just not sure how to word it all. How do people do it?

Good question, and on the back of it what do you say to men when you want to have a casual sexual relationship but that you aren’t going to sleep with just anyone. If you just don’t have the time or want for a traditional relationship but still want great sex and a bit of messaging in between and to be treated with respect?

@onemorerose spot on 😂😂😂😂😂

Goodness I am just starting to date and so depressed!

It doesn’t help that my Ex cheated me on OLD and still does. He’s contacted hundreds of women, met with quite a few, and duped them all. So I know how easy it is. These men like my Ex have learnt how to work OLD and it’s made them see women in a transactional kind of way. Ex would come across very well too, he will match what you want.

So! I’m on there but like others have said, I’m even more picky and my time is precious. I don’t have time to go on several dates and don’t have time to sext with strangers. Why would you do that? I want proper loving sex, not FWB. I don’t mind short term fun relationships but not just sex.

My confident and attractive single friends, who have done OLD for the last 10 years (they are older and have kids) - they all ended up being several men’s FWB and none of them ended up with a nice bloke.

Only my younger friends have met some nice guys on OLD, and they spent ages trying to find them.

Don’t know what to do? I’ve had two dates so far. They were nice guys, but both you could tell mostly wanting FWB. And that was after I’d spent a few months weeding the obvious FWB out. So depressing.

@nadia I wouldn’t actually say that you wanted no strings attached fun. Even wanting that we want a decent man don’t we? And too many people like my Ex would pounce on this and cheat and lie.

@Warmfirechocolate Im sorry.I totally understand. You are not alone!It is depressing. I know it might sound like a cliche but try and learn to be happy just how you are- with or without a guy.
I am missing being in a relationship but I dont miss how it can mess with your head when things go bad!

@Warmfirechocolate I do worry about that as Im not interested in cheaters etc.

Ok Im on it.... oh my my.... haven't seen so many dick picks since.... ever I guess lol. Getting used to it. Lots of messages but I haven't replied to any yet no one worth replying yet. It's really just to see what its like. My little experiment 🤣 this is going to be interesting. I miss sex so much but I really need to behave!

@Nadia86. On Fab I d say at least 70% are married and it’s very men heavy once I put no marrieds the numbers went right down . My advice would be to put only talk to ones with a face pic and also suggest a social meet no pressure first I found people very upfront and got some nice verifications also see if they have any that’s the good thing about that site good luck

@Justwondering3696 yeah I stated in my profile that I was interested in meeting first for a coffee and see where it takes us.And that Im only interested in single men.
Lets see....

@Justwondering3696 and thank you for the advicd :)

Could you say “looking for a casual and respectful relationship with the right man” or will they just fake that until the have sex?

I've not been outright offered cash for sex, but the trend to "barter" for sex acts repels me; if I drive to your town, will you fuck me? Do anal? Blow job? It's like a tick- list of nope! I've pretty much given up, which is a shame - I've met some nice blokes and had year+ relationships with them.

@Nadia86 I do miss sex and intimacy though!

I just feel a bit worldly wise now, too much, and seeing how so many women are just basically giving it away too freely when they really want a relationship. Don’t think it’s doing men much good either, it’s way too easy to want to feel like a big man in the OLD pond as if it’s a competitive sport.

That woman on tv... the online dating guru... she says No sex without monogamy and tells women not to have sex with their dates until they’ve promised monogamy.

I think there is something in that.

I’d also be happy to ‘just have sex’ however it’s just too seedy now to be in the pool of casual sex.

I’d rather have a man that I like and mutual respect, one of decency, and monogamy, and have a full on passionate affair which then ends, than this fitting people in at lunchtime business or never staying the night etc...

It’s just yuk.

And @Nadia86
Yes unfortunately my Ex has really revealed to me how prolific some of these cheaters are. And how he treated them. He made them all feel special and respected. He never let on that he was married with a small child. He made them feel that he was genuinely into them and that they could have a relationship.

He would say on his profile that he was not initially looking for a serious relationship but that he was open to it if the right woman came along. So lying basically. He then made women feel that they were the right woman.

I went on OLD to find him when I got suspicious and I realized how many men were just using it for free sex, I was shocked. I recognized how they operated by seeing how my then DH was using it. They all felt they were being genuine but actually total predators just clocking up the numbers. And goodness knows whether they were spreading STIs.

Sorry to be gloomy, but I’d really advocate holding off on sex because of people like my Ex. He got women hooked on him. So many! Totally wasted their time. They got a bit messed up I think, as Ex is outwardly such a gentleman, really funny, kind and loving. Great job, talented, intelligent, tall and charismatic. I can imagine it was hard for women to weed out the genuine guy who might be less outwardly attractive as a partner, and who was less charming and practised at seduction.

Sorry just thought I’d better pass on that warning. Honestly my Ex must have dated half the women on OLD in our area. And kept them on as FWB. Shocking.

Just an observation, @Nadia86 but what you're describing is the product of 10-15 years of OLD, social media and ready availability of porn.

People are disposable objects, easy come easy go, dating is a perfunctory step towards sex, there is no buildup or anticipation nowadays, no courting. All the men who've subjected you to that treatment are thinking about is 'swipe, drink down pub, sex'. Zero investment or effort. I bet they can't even string a sentence together, let alone be able to sustain a conversation for an evening. Trouble is, OLD means you're exposed to all the dross mixed in with the occasional good guy. And sadly, people have become conditioned to it - I'm amazed at how low people's bar has become, judging by the threads on here.

It's good you question it, recognise it isn't how you want or deserve to be treated, and don't put up with it.

@onemorerose I decided not to mention sex in my bio. Just that I am looking to meet single men and see where it goes.
@BinkySodPlop I know. I am not giving up yet but Im really exasperated by it all. It is all like a transaction these days not much fun at all :(
@Warmfirechocolate your ex was probably right- it is too easy for men and they get away with their lies! So sorry you had to go through all that crap.
I dated someone for 6-7 weeks in Autumn and despite not having a proof I think he was married. Just little things like only being able to see me on certain days etc. I did my online research etc but found nothing and we didn't have any mutual friends etc.All I had is what he told me. I ended it. Still feeling really uneasy about it all ....
Being cheated on in the past made me promise myself I would never cheat or go out with a cheater but how do you know for 100% they aren't lying??? Thank you for sharing your story as gloomy as it is .

@daisychain01 your observations are spot on. Funny that because of my experience with OLD my bar is constantly raising haha . With every experience I add more and more to the list of things I will not put up with maybe thats why I would get less and less dates or even matches ... I don't care though I know what I want ( or don't want )

Wish me luck. I'm going on my first Tinder date tonight having been on there for years. So far he seems lovely
It's 10 years today since my last relationship ended - and he has the same Christian name 😂😂 is it an omen ?
Last date organised was from PoF. He stood me up. No explanation, just no more contact. This was months and months ago. He recently messaged me and it was obvious he had no clue who I was or what he'd done. First he denied it was something he'd do when I pointed it out then when I was more specific he blocked me !!!! 😂😂

@GinisLife good luck!
Have fun but go with no expectations- its the best way! The guy that stood you up is an idiot. Happened to me many times.

My dogs are my date tonight! Best one ever 🤣😜

Not sure I should have caught up on the thread on valentine's day, so depressing!! My stbxh can't believe I've kicked him to the kerb after a very short marriage because I caught him on 3fun and Craigslist casual encounters, which is beyond grim. He honestly thought as a married man he was entitled to look on these websites and is genuinely shocked it's a deal breaker. Again he's handsome, employed, fit, seemingly a catch... and I met him online