Dating thread 184! Where we don't take any nonsense !

[bangheadhere40]

The Rules: 1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin. 3. Do not invest emotionally too soon. 4. It's all BS until it actually happens. 5. Trust your gut instinct. 6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault. 7. Know your worth. 8. If it's not fun, stop. 9. Loo update is mandatory. 10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy. Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps click here ** Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@ThirtyAndASmidgen fab as in fabswingers? Had you agreed this was a relationship or a hook up? If he's less keen I'd assume he's chatting to someone else. And I'd expect that after just one date.

It doesn't sound like getting attached so early on does work for you with a history of being with abusive partners. Have you done the freedom programme and/or read Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl? I think the most important thing isn't to think why they behave in a certain way. But why we allow it. That for me was the real eye opener.

I completely agree with all the love for the Mr Unavailable book - eye-opening!

I love the word incorrigible (misses point. Sorry perfect hope you’re ok)

Please nobody leave. I love these threads. The advice I have received has always been amazing (even though I have often ignored)

I have bought Big a slightly rude, very funny birthday present. Wondering how to sign off the card. love May frighten him from Is too impersonal, hows with best regards? 😂

Haha marlbs* this question always reminds me of SATC when Samantha got her gifts signed 'best'.

Aren't Valentine's cards supposed to be anonymous?

I think generally we give them in person these days tigerdater*

@clovertoast, there's lots of other things you can do sexually if full sex doesn't feel right at the time. I have yet to encounter a ( sensible) guy who has a problem with periods. Use it as an opportunity to be intimate and sharing a bed for the whole night will still be special.

Yes, but it gives marlbs the opportunity not to bother signing it off at all

We’d actually agreed we wanted to date each other, not just hook up. I’ve read that book, done the Freedom Programme and had years of therapy. I just need someone who’s consistent with me and keeps his word. I’m terrible at finding it

I don’t allow men to behave in this way - I either break things off or provoke them into doing so. Which is why I haven’t had a boyfriend for nearly 3 years.

Keeping those boundaries high sounds like a good thing @ThirtyAndASmidgen but maybe not getting too upset when things done work out so early on. Maybe build those barriers up a bit higher. I don't really have any expectations until further down the road and we have hit the exclusive stage. Meeting someone once doesn't tell you much about them, or them you.

I would be too scared of fab, people seem to find things on there though...😁

Still haven't mentioned the train situation with Mr Dumfries, I can sort it though....

Re the book, it's such an eye opener isn't it! I am completely over Mr Not Straight btw, haven't blocked him as no need as I'm not bothered but he is textbook from that book. A sob story one day, a glimmer of hope the next. Absolute textbook.

I’ve read and have lots I wanted to say! So I’ll come back but I’m on the train to see mr scenery, date number 3, still excited and nervous! Hoping there will be snogging!! I’m heading to his turf so should be a good opportunity to see him in a place he knows, not even sure where I’m meeting him just our trains are getting in at roughly the same time from opposite directions!

I'm so glad you found it useful @bangheadhere40. I need to read it again. Not so much for Mr Unavailable as my Mr B is available. But on my own unavailable characteristics.

@notcool thanks, made me think I am unavailable when I didn't think I was. I have never had parents or anyone to support me really, so it said you cling onto what you haven't had, which for me was pushing to get something that was never there, which would make me feel better!?!

I've realised and looked at why I am as I am, parents aren't bothered, no siblings, always been alone. I think this is why I have tried to get this from men. I feel much more self aware, albeit still lonely.

I've had some really bad issues in the past, but I can see why which is a revelation, and I'm trying my best to overcome it.

bangheadhere40 it took me 3 attempts to try Fab. But now I like it.
I'm very strict about what I'll tolerate - must send a face pic, must want fwb, no dick pics. I just delete and block anyone who doesn't read my profile.

But I'm too scared to read that book. As I know I've been the Fallback girl too many times!

And I am actually unavailable myself I think which I didn't ever think I was!

tiger it’s his birthday. I’m not getting him a valentines card!

I’ve allowed Mr Posh to rearrange our second date. If he loses interest, then fine (plenty more fish in the sea!) but I’m NOT going to sabotage this due to my own insecurities.

Snap @bangheadhere40 I always thought I was soooo available. And then I realised I was picking men I never had to test that with.

notcool best Is perfect

@UtterSocks Were you swiping to see whether he was telling the truth ? Did you maybe have an inkling something was off ? If he seems keen on you via actions and doesn’t appear to be juggling you, can you just ask him again what he means by being off the apps ? For some it means not being active, for others it means total deletion of app and profile.

Since dating Miss Outing I haven’t been back on our site which shows a last online time so if went on to check whether she’d been on and then she did the same we’d probably both have doubts. I daresay if you’ve seen him, he’s seen you so could he be worrying too ? Or am I just being naive ?

Doh, sorry marlbs, I must RTFT more carefully!

hairyarsed sounds like things are going well with Miss Outing?

banghead I'm sorry you feel/have always felt lonely. I really hope all the work you're putting in pays off for you. It's disgusting to think that 'men' like Mr Not Straight can sniff out these things in women and play us like that. No more.

Thanks all, I'm doing well. Actually I'm quite pleased that my instincts kicked me hard enough to pay attention to the warning signs and end it. His subsequent behaviour has merely confirmed my suspicions that he is bad news. All is good.

@UtterSocks. I’m 51 with teenage children and my one and only relationship since separation lasted a whole 5 weeks but ended because I couldn’t stay over, pop off on holiday whenever the mood took me and put my children first. He has no children. Men seem to be able to do what they want when they want. My ex can stay out all night, go away, do what he wants while I’m picking up the pieces