Dating thread 184! Where we don't take any nonsense !

[bangheadhere40]

The Rules: 1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin. 3. Do not invest emotionally too soon. 4. It's all BS until it actually happens. 5. Trust your gut instinct. 6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault. 7. Know your worth. 8. If it's not fun, stop. 9. Loo update is mandatory. 10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy. Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps click here ** Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Notcoolmum @bangheadhere40 Yep we had sex a couple of times, he stayed over.

I've just been ignoring it and have told myself it doesn't matter because I'm not looking for anything serious but I'm disappointed as it's just such a crap way to behave and so different to how he's been for the last few weeks. And I'm annoyed at myself for being bothered!

Yes I think I will delete his number because the urge to message him is strong today!

Yeh it's rude behaviour regardless of where you saw things going @pomegranatefizz. It's well understood that men and women have a different hormonal reaction to post sex and the majority of people seem to understand that It is basic etiquette for a man to tact a woman after sex. They certainly seem to manage to do that before sex...

Yes ! That's exactly how I feel post sex ! When theres no contact you instinctively feel like there's something wrong or maybe you've been mugged off !!
We were messaging A LOT prior to the last few days. Had a lovely few days in bed, we didn't leave the flat . Now today, no text....
Ffs......

pomegranate. Yes delete. As much for your own MH as anything else. If the comms have dropped off a lot my advice is also dont let him waltz back in and you feel grateful that at least he didnt fully ghost you. It's bad form. For me he'd have to put a lot more effort in to see you again.

So my date with Mr Baldy on Monday went well. Lots to chat about and snogs in the car, and been messaging a lot since. Date 2 Sunday, but I’m struggling with lack of confidence...I’m sure he really likes me, but I also know he really wants to sleep with me, but I’m not sure I will be a disappointment? I slept with Mr Shorty on date 3, he was my first date since marriage separation, and he felt ‘safe’, and was just what I needed at the time. The chemistry with Mr Baldy (I’m shit at names), is sky high, and I really fancy him...it seemed easier when I didn’t really fancy Mr Shorty?! Although I did develop feelings for him subsequently, and he then ended it!
I don’t know what I’m asking really,I’m just really nervous, as I know we really like each other

Why would you be a disappointment @Mylifestartstoday
From reading on here and my own experience I would suggest waiting if you think you might feel insecure afterwards. Wait until you feel more secure in your feelings for each other (whatever they might be) and that you are on the same page. You will read about the flood of hormones afterwards and how it can leave you feeling vulnerable.

@Notcoolmum. My ex husband had a long affair (that’s why we split) and I feel shit because of it, no confidence at all. I probably shouldn’t be dating, but I need to create a new life for myself

mylife I get where you're coming from regarding sleeping with someone you like.

Last year( spring time) I had an iron,Mr garden gate who I was seeing for a few weeks before he mentioned a sleep over. One part of me really wanted to,it had been 8mnths since I'd had sex,but the other part of me got myself in a right tizz as he had told me he had a couple of fwb's that he was going to say goodbye to.
As the weekend of dtd loomed,I got so worried and finished it!! I was probably worrying over nothing as I know he liked me,but as I'm pretty vanilla I just compared myself to these other women who were obviously great in the bedroom.
Silly looking back.
Please dont think you will be a disappointment and just be yourself.

I still wonder how he got away with saying he was 53 when really he was about 62? In the back of my mind I thought how dare you lie to me on pof!

The worst thing was,he had bought me a bike ( second hand but nice) so I felt awful.
Was quite funny on our bike ride though,he was about 50m behind me all the time! I kept having to go at 5miles an hour and he was really struggling poor guy!

Absolutely you need to create a new life for yourself @Mylifestartstoday but don't pressure yourself either to move faster than you want to. I enjoy sex but an sometimes surprised by how I feel afterwards. Pesky hormones.

It's so complicated @Mylifestartstoday. Try not to pressure yourself - unless that's what you think you need. I really did need to push myself out of my comfort zone or I'd just have given up/continued on fairly chaste dates.

Don't push to have sex because you think it's what someone else wants, only do it if it's what you want. I really needed to work out if I liked and wanted a sexual relationship post split. But as I previously thought I was essentially asexual, I really did have to push through my own boundaries.

Discovering at 40 that you like sex with men is somewhat astounding. I'd always thought I didn't... Or at least wasn't much bothered either way.

I agree don’t have sex until you feel more confident in yourself or with an iron. Not everyone is ready for the hormones afterwards and they can knock you for 6. Take your time! If he’s great he will be fine with that

I'm officially on the no dating bench for the next few months. Hidden my bumble profile and deleted the app. Going to delete my POF account tonight.

Mr Caribbean got annoyed because I didn't go down and see him yesterday. Claims he is a busy family man who's family is full and can't give me what I want or need but says he doesn't know what I want or need. This is the part I hated about him. Everything had to be on his terms. Expected me to say how high when he said jump. It's going to take me a while to get over him again as it stirred up all the feelings I never quite dealt with.

It going no where quickly with Mr Dimples. I suggested what we could do as a second date and asked him when he is free but he hasn't come up with a date or time. Also wants to move back to Jamaica and expects any girlfriend/partner/wife whatever stage they are at to move back with him, no ifs ands or buts.

I just need to remember my worth. That I'm worth a man making time to see me even if he does have a busy job and children (plenty of the men on this thread do it) I'm worth a man travelling to see me and not expecting me to go to him all the time. I'm worth a man treating me on a date occasionally. I'm worthy of being loved.

The right man will come along eventually and make me forget about all the crap dates and relationships I have been in. The right man won't make me second guess what he is thinking or feeling, he won't get annoyed because I already have plans. I just have to be patient and stop crying over stupid Mr Caribbean

It was actually quite easy to stop crying over Mr Caribbean. I just remembered everything I didn't like about him instead of remembering the good things. I'm still going to be lurking and offering any advice I can. 2 months of no dating unless Mr Dimples actually sets a date for our second date. Can't remember a time since June when I wasn't either talking to a potential iron or going on dates or in a relationship.

Well I’m having huge hormone rushes over the fact Mr scenery wants to kiss me!! So to distract myself because I’m going to drive myself crazy, I’m going on a date with a new iron mr poser, who I met yesterday on fab, it’s a terrible idea, but really can’t deal with the emotions and want to be with someone who doesn’t have any confidence issues!

Hi, I'm new to this but would just like other people's opinions. Me and my boyfriend have been together 6 years. We have a beautiful baby boy together who's 3 months. I understand he works and he's tired but is that an excuse to make me do everything? I have to ask him to do things for his child, ask if I can take a shower etc. I don't know if I'm over thinking things but even my labour he was there but not there. I wouldn't of noticed if he was in the room or not. I don't feel like he loves me as he calls me out as I'm on maternity pay. Saying things about me not being able to have any money due to him paying more to bills as I'm on half pay. I've been ignored for three days now, I hate that atmosphere, honestly so fed up and feeling so low. Sorry for the long post. Am I just over thinking everything? Sorry if I'm not posting in correct forum

@mylifestartstoday just do it when u feel ready.

@dancerinthemoonlight it does get u down doesnt it. I've tried to step back from them but only managing because i have an iron, if not I'd prob go back.

an old iron contracted me, we had just kind of drifted from messaging a few months ago. I kind of for the impression didn't have time to meet or want anything serious. I told him as much today after he said he wanted to 'stop by'. he said he thinks my excuses of our child free time clashing and wanting more than a stop by are funny 🤔

Mr driver has stopped texting. shame as he was local and sounded nice on our call. his texts were a bit boring and not really asking any questions tho. I know he had been busy ag work tho. would u just delete his number or maybe try again another time ?

speaking to mr travel, he seems really nice, not sure I fancy him tho and I feel bad for keeping texting. he is around 40mins awy, doesnt drive but willing to come here at the weekend and has already suggested (generally) other dates we could do in the future.

I've had a text response to mine from this morning ( which I regret sending ). A very sort of dry, blah text with no affectionate names or kisses like the texts pre sex .

I think I'm going to back off. See whether he suggests another date and go from there. Bearing in mind hes the first man I've slept with since my marriage ended this has done nothing for my confidence. Or am I expecting too much ?

@crazycatlady20 I'm having more wrist surgery tomorrow and all likelihood that I'm not going to be able to drive for about 2 months so I'm using that as an excuse for a break. Hopefully I will come back to old refreshed and renewed and not feeling like it's the same small talk that doesn't go anywhere.

@Clovertoast I genuinely don't think you have done anything wrong. He gave you the impression he was interested, but now seems to be backing off. You made your choice based on the situation. Whether you had waited longer, I don't think would have made a difference. Try and not let it dent your confidence.

@molliecx you would be better posting your own thread

It was the right decision but its hard, ignoring the urge to contact him. And reading all these reports of men dtd then disappearing/reducing contact just makes me feel even more despairing. I don't want to do old, I just don't get on with it
I know I'll likely have another encounter soon irl, but it's hard facing the loneliness in not having anything on the horizon, iyswim. But I'm learning to tolerate that feeling

It is hard @misty9 but every time we apply our standard we are one step closer to getting the relationship we deserve. And for every bad story on here we have the engagements, thread baby and positive stories too. Remember most of those who find a good relationship leave the thread so we are left with more bad than good news. But it does happen.

@clovertoast definitely wasn't you.

I'm still here! I love reading the thread and occasionally putting my 2 pence worth in. You're right in what you say @Notcoolmum there's more bad stories than good so does sway the thread sometimes. @Misty9 OLD is bloody hard work and for all the successes stories there's been a trail of what you're dealing with now - it's a numbers game but you'll find someone that's perfect for you

Talking of success stories. Where has @jesuisprest gone?!