Dating thread 184! Where we don't take any nonsense !

[bangheadhere40]

The Rules: 1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin. 3. Do not invest emotionally too soon. 4. It's all BS until it actually happens. 5. Trust your gut instinct. 6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault. 7. Know your worth. 8. If it's not fun, stop. 9. Loo update is mandatory. 10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy. Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps click here ** Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

I knew Mr C was a good egg when he said how shocked he had been during his last encounters when the women had suggested anal, choking or slapping and he was horrified and said there was no way he would do the latter two and couldn't really see the appeal of the first.

Yeah control is a tricky one. I think for me ghosting and then reappearing is an absolute no no. As is last min flakiness. In my experience it speaks to a much broader issue. Also, worth bearing in mind the more you sleep with someone inevitably the more you bond with them. Oxytocin and all that jazz. Whether you see ltr or not your body is responding. Then they ghost you. With fwb even, the prerequisite has to be an adult ability to be honest and open. Otherwise you've a recipe for problems down the line

Yeah anal isn’t for me (tried it before and no enjoyment for me) and I said that early on and it’s never been mentioned again. Open communication is defo needed whatever the relationship is defined as in my opinion.

I would never let anyone choke or slap me.

In fact if anyone even puts their hands remotely near my neck I will immediately freeze and say no. Sometimes it’s happened like even gently during sex or kissing when someone has held my neck or touched my throat and I will still do it - it’s like an involuntary reaction.

Mr M did mention anal to me in an immature way but I think he was trying to find out what my likes and dislikes were, not to over ride my boundaries as he has never mentioned it during actual sex or tried anything. He initially started out a bit clumsy and I’ve had to slow him right down... I think before me he was very much wham bam but it’s now more sensual and he even said he didn’t realise how much better sex could be than how he was used to doing it. I think when the end goal is just to have an orgasm people will go to a lot of lengths to make it more and more dirty whereas I like the entire picture of it with a slow build up. A lot of women think they like getting ‘banged’ but I don’t think they really always do (some genuinely do I know). I think there is a lot of pressure on women to do a lot of things including shaving all their pubes off and anal bleaching

Decisions that women make around what we like are not made in a vacuum. Our thoughts are contaminated by sexist societal propaganda and it can be virtually impossible to separate what we genuinely like from what we believe is expected of us to like, especially as we are trained from birth to ignore our instincts and squash down our own needs to accommodate everyone else's.

That said, if well done, almost anything with a respectful partner can be enjoyable!

I like that we can discuss a range of topics and get different viewpoints.

Personally I'm all for it as part of my sex life, I'm not doing it all the time though and only within a safe, secure relationship.

Totally agree with you peanut, for me the greatest joy of being in my 50s is that I no longer give a fuck what society or indeed other individuals expect of me. I love anal (always have actually) so I do anal as and when the moment is right for me and my partner.

Like it do it, don’t like it don’t do it. Simple 👌

I forgot to tell you all another funny sex story aside from the cold shower curtain. One time I had sex with Mr M at my house, we were going at it a bit and he was getting right to the end. My dog runs into the room and let out one v loud bark right at the critical moment - our joke is now he might start calling out my dogs name when he comes 😂

@menora maybe he was making a really high pitched noise only the dog could hear lol

@Onesmallstep67, thanks, yes that is what I'm experiencing and it's very enjoyable! Both men seem very keen, don't want to hurt either but don't feel I can tell them I'm "seeing" the other too! I might have to concentrate on one this week and see how I feel.

Haven't caught up with the thread yet. Mr Caribbean wants to see me tonight and I'm in two minds if I should see him or not. He says he just wants a chat and a laugh but I have a feeling where it will go. Part of me says go and see him because the sex is amazing, he wants to see you and it would be nice to see him again. Part of me says he hurt you the first time, what's to say that when he goes back to Canada again he won't call it off like he did last time.

So far I have told him a slight white lie about going for a drink with someone I knew I school so I have a little time to decide and can just say that it ended early or something.

It sounds like a hookup dancer, which is fine if that’s what you want

@tigerdater I did wonder if that was the case. I'm going to see if he wants to talk later on video call. Surley whatever he wanted to talk to me about he can do over the phone

I've called him on his flaky behaviour and ended it. I'm worth more.

I give up!! Just had another lovely date with mr scenery, made plans for next week, he bought dinner and we agreed I’d pay next time, he’s just dropped me home and another sodding peck on the cheek, how am I this crap at this never mind him!! Somebody tell me this is normal behaviour and that people do date and not snog!!!!

@Misty9 I’m glad to hear that update, you are definitely worth more, much more

@Stuckinarut79 can't you grab him and snog him? MrM and I's first date ended with a rather fumbled peck on the cheek. When he texted me he said I wanted to kiss you but didn't want to be too forward - date number 2 was a full on snog and 4 months down the line we still snog the pants off each other. Kissing for me is the best thing about being in a relationship and MrM agrees thankfully

@Misty9 you are worth much much more x

@stuck he is probably being super respectful, I think you are going to have to just kiss him!

@misty well done you!

I just got a phone call from Mr Dumfries...he loves rugby but has said he's prioritizing me on Saturday and will miss it 🤔 he's being super lovely, I don't feel my normal anxiety and I'm wondering what will go wrong 😂

Think I’m about to text him!! I can’t do this I so fancy him, I’ve been ogling him all evening!

@bangheadhere40 oh wow that’s serious!!

@stuck he is definitely interested, you should text this one and say you wanted to kiss him or similar.

Well at least I got the text back I wanted, he was indeed worrying about misjudging the situation! How after 4 dates and daily texts over a month, I don’t know but he did at least acknowledge it’s like being 14 again!!