Dating thread 184! Where we don't take any nonsense !

[bangheadhere40]

The Rules: 1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin. 3. Do not invest emotionally too soon. 4. It's all BS until it actually happens. 5. Trust your gut instinct. 6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault. 7. Know your worth. 8. If it's not fun, stop. 9. Loo update is mandatory. 10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy. Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps click here ** Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@shitwithsugaron yes it was MrT's DM - I'm just driving at the moment, if you want to PM me then feel free and I'm very sorry to hear about it

Oh that's sad shitwith. My mother was diagnosed with a terminal illness a couple of months after I met Mr BC and she died a month later. Mr BC never met her (but she saw pictures of him). He was a star, allowed me to talk through some complex emotions even though it was stirring up bad memories for him. He was an absolute rock at the funeral. PM me if I can help x

@UncorrectedDoormat I think a lot of people feel like that, plus calling someone a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner can feel like you’re tempting fate. They’re words I tend not to use in real life, boyfriend makes you feel about 12 and partner makes you feel like putting on a cardigan and an anorak.

@SortingItOut Unless you’re rolling around in mud there isn’t such a thing as dirty sex.

@shitwithsugaron Oh that’s awful, I guess just listen and maybe have a word if the being practical/organised gets a bit too extreme. People can sometimes do that to hide from whats really happening.

Can someone come and slap me please. Found Mr Caribbeans number in my phone and I was feeling lonely so I texted him to see how he is. Ended up having a lovely phone call with him. There is a lot I miss about him but a lot I don't miss. The sexual attraction is still there. At least on my side it is.

Although Mr Dimples has said he wants a second date he hasn't made an effort to arrange a day or time. Although I had to push for the time and place for the first date. Think I'm probably heading to a friend zone there as he has said he doesn't know enough about me to decide if he likes me as a friend or a potential girlfriend.

This is why I tell my friends to block /and/ delete numbers.

Although I don't know how to permanently delete/block email addresses. Although I've sent emails straight to trash on my Gmail, they still sit there for 30 days before disappearing forever. Mr G keeps emailing me every few days with sad messages about how much he misses me. I just found another one this morning. He's not changing my mind and I think he's better off getting a diary rather than trying to communicate with me. I'm not going to reply to him, he's shown too many red flags to open lines of communication but it's now getting to the stage where I'm concerned he will turn up at my house when he is back in the country for work.

I honestly don't think I will date again for quite some time because clearly my judgment isn't great.

I don't know if my judgement is great, especially not at the moment. I'm having another operation on Friday so unless any iron is close or willing to come close to me I won't be dating for the next 2 months.

@dancerinthemoonlight, it sounds to me like you are naturally thinking about your upcoming op and just wanting to maintain or develop further contact with some guys before you may have to take your foot off the dating pedal. I think it's understandable and times like this is when I miss having a partner. Hopefully you have some family and good friends to see you through your recuperation. If any of the guys you know are gooduns they will check in on you and understand your circumstances.

@onesmallstep67 I think you have completely hit the nail on the head there. I don't know if any of them will check in on me and understand. If they don't then they aren't the right man for me. If they do I will be pleasently surprised.

@Dancerinthemoonlight I can't remember the backstory with Mr Carribean. I think it's normal to feel you want to have someone to rely on and or who cares if you have an op coming up. Are there friends and family who you can rely on for support, both practically and emotionally?

Hey y’all. My @ function is not working well sorry

Dancer I hope your op goes well

Shitwith sorry to hear about his DM that’s very sad. I think offering emotional support is exactly right x

After the lunch date cancellation Mr M came over and knocked on my door on Sunday - not hungover it appears, didn’t smell of booze or look disheveled but looked v tired - and said he did not want to fuck it up and had made the decision to stay out but not drink the whole time as he really did want to meet me but staying out probably was a bad choice re the DC he was having later on. He was pretty calm, looked me straight in the eye. Anyway I said I did not want to be his mum and wasn’t trying to pull a tantrum on him to make him change who he was - it just pissed me off and it’s a boundary of mine as we had plans. Blah blah. The problem with him is that he always makes me laugh - he had brought me a block of fucking cheese. I love cheese he loves cheese, cheese is our thing. We didn’t have sex chatted for a couple of hours then he left.

He’s had his DC since then and I’ve been in contact with him, he is warm hearted and endearing and he seems to get me right bang in the feels a lot of the time.

I just don’t know if I want the whole package of a wonderful intimacy, chemistry and endearing affection with him alongside him being impulsive and slightly maddening

My afternoon coffee date cancelled on me which was disappointing (Mr Shorty who I had nothing in common with but sex!), my date last night went ahead. Nice bloke, bit forward in his talking which I’m not used to, but the date went really quickly. Both in our own cars so he jumped in mine and we had a kiss (like teenagers), got home and he messaged me for an hour. Will see him again but we both have children and stuff so it won’t be for a week I wouldn’t think. I’m so confused! I never thought I was attractive but I’ve not had any trouble attracting nice men recently, I’m just not sure I can sleep with loads even if I want to because of my upbringing!!

@Menora is this going beyond fwb territory do you think? How do you feel about what that would mean with very small children?

@menora, I think if I was in your position I would just enjoy this man and all he brings to your life at the moment. He's clearly very keen on you. I don't know you but from what you post you seem to have your head screwed on and know your boundaries. Paraphrasing something someone said in response to me the other day you have to decide what things are non negotiable with a relationship for you and then decide if you can accept the rest. Because no one is going to be perfect and why turn away from someone that's making you more happy than not. We're all taking a risk when you start seeing someone and if people from our past have made us wary it's scary to put ourselves back in a vulnerable position. Sorry I don't think you were looking for a motivational speech
@Dancerinthemoonlight, the op and your wellbeing are the most important things going forward in the short term. Men are like buses the one you want will turn up eventually.

The children are one thing - mine are nearly adults! But I am a homely child liking type rather than a travelling the world type but the concept of basically doing 18 years of my own then 18 years with someone else’s is mind boggling 😂

I do just want to enjoy what is ‘now’ but I think he wants more than FWB as he wants affection more than he wants sex. I just worry he has been missing affection for quite some time and am I just a willing warm body? It’s worse than someone using you for sex is to use you for cuddles! I half want to run away

@Notcoolmum we started seeing each other end of June/beginning of of July. Met the first week of Wimbledon after talking online for a while. Had not intention of dating him but when he kissed me it was just amazing. Broke my rule and had sex with him the first night we met. He ended things mid September as he was going to be posted in Canada for a year (he is in the army) When we were seeing each other he had his kids all the time but now doesn't seem to see them as much. He got in contact early December when he got back from Canada and then after Christmas but I was still with Mr S.

@menora I get that. Very little children would frighten me at my stage of life. Mr B has an 8 year old. I've met them and they are sweet but... all I would say to you is that you can set the pace. You don't have to go at his. Make it work for you.

What is everyone up to for half term? I’m off today but working all the other days. Taking DD to minor injuries today as her finger is still painful although I am pretty sure it’s not broken. Then going shopping and lunch with DD’s

Sorry @Dancerinthemoonlight so what happened with Mr S. Doesn't sound like there is any harm reconnecting with Mr Caribbean. No bad ending etc.

@Menora, hadn't even thought about the age of his DC. I tend to operate like Dory ( Finding Nemo) since hitting the menopause.

It’s become a firm boundary for me, that an iron shouldn’t have young children. I love children and love being a mum, but I’m done with responsibility.