Dating thread 184! Where we don't take any nonsense !

[bangheadhere40]

The Rules: 1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin. 3. Do not invest emotionally too soon. 4. It's all BS until it actually happens. 5. Trust your gut instinct. 6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault. 7. Know your worth. 8. If it's not fun, stop. 9. Loo update is mandatory. 10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy. Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps click here ** Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

I have another dilemma. no wonder I've been single so long

I'm on Fab looking for a fwb. At the moment I have 4 men that are interested. I've met 3 of them for a social drink. But our diaries haven't aligned yet to take it any further.

So what do I do? Try them all out and see which one I like the best? Or just choose one and see how it goes?

I haven't got the time for multiple fwb. And I'd prefer to just have one.

I'm also on POF and getting zero interest on there. And it's making me feel a bit that so many men on Fab want me for sex but zero on POF are interested in dating me.

@echoelephant I think you should give them all a whirl and see which one suits best. It's not just about chemistry and sex, but availability, compatibility on the friend side too, and expectations on both sides need to align.

Don't count anything out just yet.

@crazycatlady20 you can look like you are on pof if you have the app even if you don’t open it

I’m wondering about fab, I like mr scenery and I’m not looking for serious but there’s slow and theres slow, I do want to have sex in the foreseeable future!! So question for fab users is vanilla an option? I don’t mind a bit of kink but it can be hard work and I could use just straightforward right now!!

@Stuckinarut79 Vanilla is definitely an option on Fab.
That's all I'm looking for on there. And it says this in my profile. Doesn't seem to have put anyone off so far!
If I find the right Fwb then I'm happy to explore some kink. But I don't state that up front.

UncorrectedDoormat that's what I thought. But just wasn't sure. I can almost hear my friends tutting at me if I ask for their opinion

Had a date with MrRugby yesterday - he was not as attractive as his photos but not awful looking, and we had a few drinks and a snog ... but... I think I was not really 'there' and just faking it. I don't think he is for me, but even if he were have just been blindsided... Ex came round to 'borrow' some tools, just before I left to meet Rugby, we chatted for half an hour about nothing much then on his way out threw a parting shot over his shoulder that he was seeing a solicitor about divorce. Just like that as he was walking down the path. It is 2 years today since we split up, he must have had it on his calendar FFS. And to know he is plotting it, with his sister and his live in GF and won't discuss it with me makes me very, very scared. I know he will try to take money off me. I have not slept since 4am, am so stressed at work and actually feel like I am having a panic attack. I don't have time to even phone a solicitor, let alone go through all this. I feel absolutely ill, and suddenly dating seems the least of my worries. I did arrange another date with MrRugby but I don't think I am in the right headspace to go through with it. I feel dreadful. Any advice?

@UtterSocks. You need to find time to phone a good solicitor. Make time to find a shit hot one, that’s the only advice I would give. He’s no longer your friend, and will no longer be thinking of you. You need to be prepared

@UtterSocks have you been to meditation? To discuss the money etc. It is useful however my ex said at the end lets just sort it ourselves and I trusted him but he decided then he wanted a lot more money and things off me. I know how you feel with the not sleeping and panic attacks I’m petrified I’ll be left with nothing.

Oh uttersocks that must have been horrible. I echo mylife, force yourself to start finding a specialist divorce solicitor as one priority. The other should be to gather your emotional team around you - any family, friends etc who will actively support you through this. If at all possible, try not to battle alone. And in your shoes I think I would just tell Mr Rugby that you have no headspace for dating, but that's just me as I really like to focus.

@UncorrectedDoormat
I'm having a wobble like yours as well.
Me and new chap are basically BF/GF but neither of us has said those words.
Me because I planned to be single with an FWB forever and him because he knows how scared I am and also he also said he didnt want a GF when we met on Fab. He says we dont need to label anything or put it in a box.

I was quite happy as I was and bam he walks into my life and turns it upside down.
I'm too scared to think of a relationship because I suffered in my marriage for 19 years and my ex is still causing problems for me.

It's hard when you have to consider everything and think about everything.

@UtterSocks
I used wikivorce for my divorce, all done by phone and email.
Mine was straight forward as only assets were pensions but they also deal with homes and savings.

As @Jane1978xx says, never trust anything he says. They pretend to be amicable and then screw you over.

Never underestimate the need to get a really good solicitor to fight your corner.

What assets have you got?

@Stuckinarut79
Fab is definitely for vanilla, I'm on there and have no kinks.

Although I thought I was vanilla I've since found out that some things I like are not actually vanilla...

Maybe we should have all have a discussion on what constitutes kinks and what doesnt

Just make it clear on your profile what your likes are and dont be afraid to state your dos and don'ts when you get chatting to someone.
Its very refreshing to chat openly about likes and dislikes.

And fab is indeed exactly how I’d thought it’d be! I did have a huge list of things I wanted to get done this afternoon!

@sortingitout I'd love to have a list of kinks. I've always said I'm vanilla but now not so sure.

@SortingItOut - so strange how a word can be unsettling. BF/GF doesn't change what we're doing. I think it carries connotations and therefore baggage, for me at least. I am most definitely not ready for commitment or demands at the moment. And that's how I view "being a BF/GF".

My ex Went to 3 free sessions at different solicitors until he picked the one who was willing to help him get the most money out of me.

Totally agree with that uncorrected. The term GF, partner or (shiver of horror) wife carries connotations of responsibility and commitment which are pretty serious and long-term in my book.

Should have said 'equally serious', even I know that a wife is supposed to be long-term!

My worry about GF/BF is that I will need to trust the other person and I dont know that I have it in me.

I dont believe I'll ever trust anyone again after what my ex husband did and I would hate to be 'that type' of GF who cant trust her BF so while it's a casual thing trust doesnt have to come into it.

@crazycatlady20
What got me thinking was Menora posted about a night of dirty sex and then a day later mentioned her iron hinted towards anal and that she wouldnt admit she liked that until she knew him better.
In my eyes dirty sex includes anal....
I thought everyone was having anal but apparently not.

Also I thought I wasnt into BDSM, in my mind that equals pain/bandage etc but someone I met on Fab was in to forced orgasms which was really great fun.

I need a link to a good site so I know what kinks and BDSM actually involve.

So sorry to hear that @shitwithsugaron. I would take his lead yes and treat him as you would a friend.

@shitwithsugaron. Just say you are there for him if he wants to talk or if he needs help with anything practical, whatever he needs