Dating thread 184! Where we don't take any nonsense !

[bangheadhere40]

The Rules: 1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin. 3. Do not invest emotionally too soon. 4. It's all BS until it actually happens. 5. Trust your gut instinct. 6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault. 7. Know your worth. 8. If it's not fun, stop. 9. Loo update is mandatory. 10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy. Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps click here ** Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@bangheadhere40 sounds like a great date !

@KermitRulesOk does he have his own children ? My only reservation personally with moving in soon is you have only seen them in good time’s and not seen how they react in a crisis. But I guess you cross that bridge when you come to it

@Jane1978xx no kids of his own and only my 5 year old lives with me

I don’t think I’ve seen roll call before, but then I’ve got an awful memory.

Roll Call: Met MrNN in April, live fairly close to each other, survived meeting his parents and he survived meeting my surrogate family. Arsenal supporter, but no ones perfect!

@bangheadhere ah that's a lovely date. Despite your subconscious screaming out in the night...

@Eesha I go to a Meetup group every other week. It's an activity based one that I really enjoy. I tried a few others but they seemed very cliquey. And I couldn't go to them regularly enough to feel part of the group.

Also I found that I was always the oldest one there. By at least 10 years. There doesn't seem to be any Meetups for late 40s/early 50s unless it's book groups or knitting groups.

I do a couple of sports 2 or 3 times a week which are team based and we do go out socially every couple of months. But again I'm the oldest in the group.

I'm on POF and Fab but I'm not actively messaging anyone. I just wait until someone gets in touch with me and then I'll reply if I like the look of them. Unfortunately the men who message me POF seem to be the ones in their 50s who want a new wife to look after them.

I think because my social groups are all with people a fair bit younger than me, I struggle to find anything in common with men my own age. I need to have a proper chat with my friends to find out what their concerns are.

@EchoElephant thats great you are going though. I'm in London so there is a huge choice, are you London too? There are lots on this thread who are a similar age group to you and many have had successes with younger men too. It's not easy, I despair at times too.

@Eesha No, not in London. East Anglia. Not a lot of choice round here.

I get interest from younger men but it seems to disappear when they realise I still have a teenager at home.

I'm general happy with my life and my approach to dating. It just seems my friends have concerns. I could understand if they were concerned about me being lonely. But I don't get why they want me to stop dating. I'm not sleeping with a different man every night. I can't even remember the last time I had sex. Probably at least 2 months ago!

@Eesha With Miss Confusing we got 99% of the way there, and did everything but penetration. But I knew even after a few days of chatting online that there was something different about her, and felt great chemistry with her all the way through. Plus her confusingness only stared to happen after a few dates, so it wasn't like that at the start.

Saying that, I am still trying to work out though how much of what I still feel for her is due to how she messed me around towards the end.

@Notcoolmum I don't think I've ever started seeing someone thinking they are "the one", but I've not done anything to lead Miss Haircut on. She's the one who's been leading the pace, and said something on Friday night to suggest she's not looking for anything too serious. She's just out of a long relationship, and has other changes going on in her life too so I get the impression something fun and quite casual is what she's after at the moment. And who knows what might happen - I do fancy her and enjoy spending time with her, but trying to take it one date at a time rather than letting my emotions rush ahead of myself like they did with Miss Confusing.

@EchoElephant that does sound really harsh of your friends, maybe dial back talking about dating if they can’t be supportive, it’s always horrid when you feel they’ve been talking about you.

@Menora good on you for cancelling lunch, he’s entitled to do as he wants but he should be showing you his best self at the moment not thinking it’s ok to turn up tired and maybe hung over especially as you presumably you won’t be seeing him for a few days while he has the kids.

@bangheadhere40 sounds like a good date, hope you’ve had an equally nice time with him today.

Mr scenery has just cancelled on me, fairly certain it’s genuine, a small voice in my head saying something else but I’m ok with taking what he says at face value but remembering and watch for anything else. Really disappointed though as I was looking forward to seeing him, and I’d made up by mind I was pouncing or asking him if we heading to the friend zone if he didn’t!

Roll Call: currently single, went on a date with Mr Dimples on Friday and we have both said we would like another date. No idea if that will happen or not.
Other iron was Mr Muscles but that seems to have fizzled out before meeting.

Hi all

I've been lurking and reading your posts for the last few weeks and have been inspired by you all, you all seem very brave putting yourself out there.

I was wondering if I could get some advice from you clever people.

My husband walked out on me about 4 months ago, we'd been having problems for about 9 months (including him refusing to sleep with me). I'm still upset about it, more for my DC (7&3), than about our relationship I think (together 18 years).

Now I know I'm not ready for a relationship, but I would like some chat, flirting and sex. Am I being completely crazy for thinking of signing up to OLD? Is this far too soon? Am I setting myself up for a fall?

Thanks everyone 

@Whatdoidowithmylifenow that’s a similar timing to me signing up to old after my husband walked. The timing is totally personal on what you are ready for x

@Whatdoidowithmylifenow go for it! You deserve male attention as much as anyone else and you don't have to sleep with them unless you choose to, just enjoy the attention and being taken out on dates until you feel ready for something more. @EchoElephant no way should you stop old you're right it is your best chance of meeting someone and why wouldn't you want to meet someone? If irl friends can't be supportive maybe just don't discuss the details with them and talk to us on the dating thread about it all instead . @Onesmallstep67 I know exactly what you mean I feel like my world has shrunk as a single mum too somewhat I have my daughter, my family, my friends and my work colleagues but I spend most of my evenings and a lot of weekends alone and the only people I ever get to go on holiday with are my daughter and my parents. But the answer again I think is not to stop dating. I would love to meet someone who wanted to spend time together at weekends and go on holidays together. I don't think more

Friends or joining meet up groups is what I really want or would replace what i really want which is a partner

I'm off out to meet a friend for her birthday drinks, and dressing up for this instead of a date is miles better! Still very happy on the cockless bench.

@shitwithsugaron you are right to do that you definitely need time just for yourself too I'm not too bothered about being just me and my daughter on weekday evenings as I have my own routine and I prefer to go to bed early and get up early but it would be nice to meet someone who wanted to spend time with me during weekends and holidays. I have a new iron and oooh I like this one! I'll call him Mr pool table. I think he might have knocked Mr theatre out of the park! But I'll still go on our first date on Thursday as we've not met in person yet. So next week I potentially have two first online dates Mr theatre on Thursday and Mr pool table on Saturday

@whatdoido....I don't think there's any set rules, if you feel upto dating and would like to meet new people then go for it. You normally find relationships are over long before they finish anyway so mentally you've checked out before anyway. Just have a read and don't expect much 'normal' behaviour from some men....it's a minefield.

@jane how are you and mr G doing? All good I hope.

@shit agree about not putting all time into an iron. That's why for me long distance is better in a way as I can't put all time into one!

@sexy sounds good, like buses aren't they!

@echo don't listen to your friends, if you want to date, you date! Nothing wrong with wanting to meet someone in whatever capacity you would like.

Checking on after the lunch meeting friends and colleagues of Mr BC which went well.

Roll call : met Mr BC in March last year so we've been together 11 months
He's a widower, which is not without it's issues for me. But am still happily on the loved up bench - he's just phoned to say thank you for a fantastic weekend and that he misses me 😍

@bangheadhere40 yeah good thanks. We sort of intentionally don’t see too much of each other so it stays fun. It’s not serious but we get on and everything is good 😁. Thank you for asking

So all seems ok with Mr Posh but he’s had a really busy weekend (as have I) and I’m overthinking things. My love life has been such a disaster for so long that I have no idea how to actually progress a relationship. I really want to sleep with him but I’m terrified of getting hurt.

@ThirtyAndASmidgeon I read what I thought was some great dating advice recently that I'm going to try to put into practice :- when you want something to happen that's the right time to ask for it, when you feel comfortable saying something that's the right time to say it and always remember, there are no rules

I’m managing that to a certain extent, and I’m also having therapy, but I have to be realistic about the fact that my abandonment issues do drive people away. I think Mr Posh is a good’un so I’m trying not to overthink things.