Dating thread 184! Where we don't take any nonsense !

[bangheadhere40]

The Rules: 1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin. 3. Do not invest emotionally too soon. 4. It's all BS until it actually happens. 5. Trust your gut instinct. 6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault. 7. Know your worth. 8. If it's not fun, stop. 9. Loo update is mandatory. 10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy. Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps click here ** Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Notcoolmum

He’s got the baby and the 4yo from 5pm tonight till Tuesday evening as it’s half term
So he had 2 lots of plans today - but someone moving away was too good to miss. Apparently only found out yesterday ‘friend’ was moving away. I did think if he was an actual friend you would have known before so he probably was intending all along to go on a big night out

Feeling a bit fed up today. After being turned down by Mr Too Far away for having my period, I've now fallen out with a friend over dating.
She thinks I should just give up the apps and enjoy my life. Her argument is that I spend too much time going on dates that don't work out. That I'll meet someone one day, I just need to be patient. I'm too fussy about who I date and I need to compromise. And I should just enjoy my life as it is.

I argued that I've been on my own for 6 years. I'm not compromising and dating someone I'm not attracted to just because they're "nice". I work on my own, some days I don't speak to another adult, so I'm unlikely to meet someone at work. Everyone I know is in a relationship. I'm the last one left on my own and it gets lonely.

Unfortunately things got a bit heated when she said "I'm sure you'll meet someone one day". And I told her she was being ridiculous and asked why my dating bothered her so much.

I'll have to apologise sometime today. But I just feel my friends don't get it at all.
I have most of half term on my own. I will get out and do things. But in the evening it's just me and that's when I get lonely.

I know people do meet in real life. But realistically, OLD is best place to find someone. Or should I just give up and see what happens?

@Menora wow. How old is the baby? I can't imagine not being with my baby. Not sure it's good for their emotional development to be in shared custody so early on.

And yeh you'd know if a good friend was moving away.

Also just listening to the news. So sad about Caroline Flack. I've watched Love Island and found it interesting as I'm in the dating game. 😢

@EchoElephant is your friend married? Honestly people that haven't dated in this modern OLD age has simply no idea and their advice is useless.

I thought it was off with FO. Have I got confused. Sometimes I think we need a roll call!!

Hi I'm notcool. I've been dating Mr B(ants) for 8 months and we are now bf/gf!! 😂😂

It is so sad about Caroline Flack I know. I do watch love island

Baby is 4mo. They broke up pretty much after the baby was born and getting divorced. Mum of baby appreciates the break I think. He doesn’t always take the baby for as long he’s been having him shorter periods building up

@EchoElephant ah got mixed up with friends only and far away!! It's still early 😂 amazed he turned you down over period. And didn't want to see you at all?!

4 months @menora? Wow I can imagine a break of a couple of hours but not any longer. I'd really worry about attachment issues for the poor baby. But also as a mum I just couldn't have been without mine for long at that age. I was breastfeeding for a Start.

Also yes, not a good idea to get trollied when you have such a tiny baby to look after by yourself.

Lots of parents work full time with four month old babies and it’s the norm in some places, it isn’t going to cause any attachment issues.

@EchoElephant, your post could have been written by me ! That is exactly how I feel when talking to some friends but especially one of my best friends. I wonder sometimes if there is a bit of jealousy ( for want of a better word ) particularly when I tell her about some of the times when I have had lots of sex with someone. I don't know that it is that. I think people who aren't in our position have forgotten or just don't realise how it feels to feel lonely. I have been contemplating picking back up a relationship with an ex and every time I mention it my friend's eyes roll back into her head. Yet I would like to think she knows me well enough that I am considering it because I have genuine feelings there. ( he and she never really got on) Don't feel you need to apologise to your friend but maybe explain how tough aspects of being single and dating are. If she's still huffy ask her what exasperates her so much and explain that what you actually need is her friendship and support not her judging you.

Echo these 'friends' annoy me so much! A friend of mine, who is in her early 50s, told me she though 'everyone' (meaning me) should spend some time as an adult being happily single. She's married. Met him when she was 16 years old I asked her when she planned to separate so she could be adult and single

The mother of baby has already gone back to work. I went back when mine were 4 months too as stat mat pay didn’t last very long. She’s not BF either

Echo - that's a tricky one as if she was a good friend, she wouldn't have made those comments and I'd react the same as you. I agree, it was always the evenings that are the worst, no adult company.
notcoolmum - I agree it is tricky with children involved. Personally, MrG and I have no plans until I sell the marital home, hopefully next yr once DS is settled at High School - he is ASD so anticipating issues. He has to come first.

Roll call - Met MrG in March, split and reunited in Sept - engaged at Xmas. So 11 mths incl the break or 5mths, lol.

@EchoElephant. Just do what’s right for you. I had a friend go on and on that old was embarrassing and she wouldn’t do it. 6 months later and she’s on pof and loving it.

I met mr g in nov. We are bf and gf but see each other a few times a week and no future plans to move in etc so casual in that sense

@EchoElephant sadly I do think OLD is the only way these days but I do think people are getting jaded with it all too. I'm sure your friend means well but perhaps doesn't like to see you feel disheartened by things. My friends who did the online dating thing at some point completely understand but my close family don't get it as they never did it themselves and met people early on.

Love that response @BatshitCrazyWoman 👏

Ah married, judgey friends. Sod them. It's nigh on impossible to meet someone in real life. And why should you wait?

@Menora I suspect the reasons you like him are also the reasons he gets drunk. He sounds impulsive and big hearted and warm. Trouble is there is a flip side to that. At least you can see why his wife kicked him out, he'd be a nightmare partner with kids. But possibly a great FWB?

@Menora

But he’s the type of overly sociable guy who knows everyone in all the pubs and there is always a reason to go out. Someone’s birthday, someone’s leaving do, a football match etc etc. The place he lives seems to have a big pub culture.

I could have written this about my exh. He would literally go to the opening of an envelope if he was asked. I think he had real
self esteem issues and took being asked out for a drink as a sign of being liked. I also think this had something to do with his affair.

It wasn't just one or two drinks, which was the thing that annoyed me the most, he just wouldn't have a 'stop' button and would be the last one standing every time.
One of his criticisms of me when we separated was that I didn't go out very much with my friends. He just didn't get that I have a small group of best friends I have had for many years who all live all over the country now so I prefer to go out less often but with people I want to be with than go out just because someone I know is. Also, I have kids and don't want to be going out all the time.

Anyway, I agree that it's early days and you can't tell him what to do but you can be disappointed about your plans being affected and therefore cancel. He either wants a relationship or he wants to live the single life but you can't do both. My ex-husband is testament to that.

Roll call-been with Mr Ad 6 months, very much a couple, live an hour apart, no plans for moving in/marriage/babies (possibly ever for the first two, definitely for the last!)

@Notcoolmum that's me all over! I do have quite intense but often short lived reaction to stuff generally. I'm fine. I was in a post sex euphoric haze, spent the day at his business which unfortunately meant we couldn't really say goodbye properly as he had clients. I then crashed quite badly and then got over it. I'm quite hormonally sensitive (that is an understatement...)
I know we'll see each other now and then and I know we love each other. But that's fine. @Eesha there's no way we could ride off into the sunset. There's way too many red flags with him which I overlook due to his background. It would be a disaster. And him ending the relationship was the right thing to do but it doesn't change how we feel about each other.

Hi all - have been trying to read back but am only in page 18 and need to jump into shower now to go to brother in law surprise birthday brunch. Dare with Mr Rugby this afternoon but DD is ill so may have to cancel. Which is fucking typical. I’ll catch up with you all later ...

*date not dare. Warned him it may be off and he was sweet about it but really want to go an worried it just looks like lame excuse

@Notcoolmum no, I've never been cynical about MrM maybe about MrT.

Roll call - been with Mr Mechanic for 4 months and we're extremely serious about each other - he's moving in with me in the next few months. You might ask what the rush is? There's no rush but as we're both on the same page - we've met each other's families and friends there seems no reason why not we're paying 2 lots of rent and bills when we could be saving for holidays/wedding.

Thanks for everyones replies.
I know my friend means well but perhaps went about it the wrong way. And things got a little heated.
She's part of a group of 5 of us that became single around the same time. I was the first. The others followed in the next couple of years.
We've all done OLD. We've had some mad evenings of alcohol fuelled swiping. But the other 4 have all met someone now. Either through OLD or RL.
It's just me on my own. So our "single ladies" evenings have stopped. And we only meet occasionally now but still keep in touch often.

I got the impression I'd been discussed by the others and they wanted to persuade me to stop looking. Not sure why. Probably because they see how up and down it can be emotionally.
But they don't see the loneliness in the evenings. And I haven't told them how bad it can be sometimes.

Menora, you both sound incompatible. A man not long out of a relationship and with 3 small children does not seem ideal and then there is the alcohol issue which you are not comfortable with. It really sounds as if both of you are at totally different stages in your life.
EchoElephant, I get where you are coming from and you sound isolated due to your work situation. Your friend probably meant well, but does not really understand how you feel and you are more than likely feeling over sensitive.
I have just spent the entire weekend alone after cancelling what would have been a second date. I understand the feelings of loneliness, although I do not suffer from it in the evenings. I go to bed early, read a book, find a box set or browse on here. Infact I enjoy my evenings and the bed to myself with my 2 cats.
My issue is lack of motivation, there are people I could visit, things I could do but I am too much of a procrastinator. The same goes for OLD, I do not have the motivation to be proactive and do any online searching. I think I look pretty good for my age but sadly only attract those I would not touch with a barge pole.

Roll call : I've been officially single for just over 2 years, seeing FWB exclusively for a year

@EchoElephant Have you tried meetups as an option? I have a few friends who have met via there. I would do it but as I have my children 100%, no time really. Your friends might have seen you feeling low and thought to say take a break rather than keep throwing yourself into it. I find I'm much better with OLD when I'm genuinely not bothered.

Hi everyone, not had a chance to catch up....

Mr Dumfries had actually booked a ticket home so wasn't expecting to stay. We had a nice night, it was sweet of him to bring me flowers.

In the end we were watching tv in my room ( my suggestion) and had a bit of kissing and cuddling, nothing more and he didn't try anything, in fact I had to kiss him. We fell asleep in my bed and it was all fine, and my choice.

Apart from when I woke up and was sleep talking and said something ridiculous like ' get rid of the other girls '. I remember him saying what, but I was half asleep and haven't mentioned it since.

All good though.