Dating thread 184! Where we don't take any nonsense !

[bangheadhere40]

The Rules: 1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin. 3. Do not invest emotionally too soon. 4. It's all BS until it actually happens. 5. Trust your gut instinct. 6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault. 7. Know your worth. 8. If it's not fun, stop. 9. Loo update is mandatory. 10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy. Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps click here ** Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Mr too far away and mr joiner are both idiots!

@unambiguousbeard sorry the post sex high has worn off so soon, hope your ok.

simon I’m glad you’re home and being looked after. Mr NN is a keeper I think.

I drove to London this afternoon, it was a bit dicey with the wind a couple of times but not too bad. I don’t know where you are dancemom, was the weather really that bad that he couldn’t drive?

unambiguous the post-sex crash is a beesh, I hope you’re feeling a bit better now.

Ah yeah thanks all I'm fine now. Didn't last long. I just wasn't expecting it a crash. It's so long since I had sex...I sent a very warm message to mr U and got a lukewarm response. But then our modus operandi has always been jokey and he wouldn't have known how to take it! I quickly reverted to a piss take and left it there. It's fine.

I'm really hoping it's something we can do regularly. We have such good sex together. And not just for the sex. He conceded that. And that he'd missed me. But I said several things that will have kept him at arms length which I was trying to make up for by being overly affectionate by messsge. Anyway whatever happens it's fine.

It occurred to me today that I don't actually know why I'm posting on a dating thread when I currently have no intention of dating anytime soon!

Congrats @woomawang you clearly do better in pregnancy than I did. Are you the first thread marriage/baby I wonder... hopefully noones been on here long enough to remember back to the beginning.

Hope you're having a lovely date @bandheadhere40 and the spare bedroom is not an issue!

I have had a crap evening. Fell out with DD17 over collecting her from a party which was miles away then she trapped her fingers in a door and really hurt herself

I text Mr M when I got back (As he had text me) and he rang me and gave me a whole load of pretty decent advice and helped chill me out and I’ve made up with DD and sorted her fingers out. So now he’s seen/heard me in full screeching mother stress on mode

^ and DD17 is ok she just has some bruised fingers I think!

I admit this is going to make me feel psycho but anyway

In context we are supposed to have lunch tomorrow

Mr M spoke to me last night and for some reason shared his location with me on a map. It looked like it he was at the pub near where he lives.

I woke up during the night (now) with sciatica and browsing my phone I can see he is a live (green dot) on IG and FB now. The map he had shared with me still seems to be at the pub. I sent him a message on FB like ‘hey still up my leg hurts again’ and he’s read it and not replied but he’s still online

Something feels really weird. I don’t know what or why or can’t put my finger on it. Anyway I am sure I will find out at some point or maybe not but I can’t get back to sleep.

@Menora

Are you worried he's still at the pub drinking?
A lit of pubs do lock ins and some font shut that early on a Saturday night/Sunday morning.

Maybe he didnt read the message but his app is just open so it shows as read...

He did message me back I have just replied cancelling lunch.

Yes he was out till 5am or so, says he stopped drinking about 1am but I have no way of knowing if that’s true and I said in my message I don’t think our lifestyle choices are compatible and we may well have no LTR prospects. We had already discussed this situation and why would I want to go for lunch with someone hanging out their arse who has had no sleep. How enjoyable for me!

Oh Menora I'd have done the same. How old is he? I'd find that type of drinking so unattractive. I hope your sciatica is easing.

Echo I had something similar with a FWB a few years ago - it put me off him and I didn't meet up with him again.

Some lovely updates from ×Woo and Kermit*

unambiguous

We're off out for an early breakfast in about an hour - we're going out for lunch with two couples, friends/colleagues of Mr BC. They're the same age as my elder son I feel bloody ancient now. As well as nervous. I wish I could not give a shit if people liked me or not!

I had a lovely evening/night with Mr BC. I'm thinking about where we are going and if I'm happy about it. I learned a bit more about his SDD (or is it DSD??) which makes me think I was right about him not wanting to upset her ...

@Menora
I'm pleased you've cancelled lunch on your terms.
Isn't this the same guy that turned up to other dates hanging after drinking?

If he was in the pub until 5am but stopped drinking at 1am whst exactly was he doing, just chatting to people?

Its such a shame that he's a drinker as you seemed to have an amazing lust for each other.

Hope your sciatica is better

Bat
He’s just turned 34
I am pretty sure this was one issue his wife had with him as well (although he hasn’t said it he said he had been selfish) and I already told him after the Dublin trip that it just wasn’t compatible for me to date a heavy drinker and he said it was just one blow out weekend. My dad is an alcoholic and I really worry about next day driving being dangerous and illegal also it’s just not attractive to me. I know first hand that it fucks up normal every day life in such a shit way

We have only had a few drinks on a date once and we always see each other sober usually so generally all good

But he’s the type of overly sociable guy who knows everyone in all the pubs and there is always a reason to go out. Someone’s birthday, someone’s leaving do, a football match etc etc. The place he lives seems to have a big pub culture. He plays sports on teams and they go out drinking after etc

Well I’ve made it clear now anyway

The thing I am pissed off about is that had I not woken up and he hadn’t shared his location, I wouldn’t have had a clue he was still out would I?

@SortingItOut

The first date he did yes but he’s not done it again. I was swayed by the fact he didn’t turn up hungover when he got back from his trip and he went to great lengths to reassure me. I wasn’t convinced but I am someone who takes people at their face value until I have reason not to!

@TheCatWithTheHat ah yeah, it's hard to follow something on the heels of big chemistry.

@TheCatWithTheHat did you also DTD with MissConfusing? I only ask because it often seemed like she was keeping you in tenterhooks at the time so you might have thought it was a greater chemistry. Perhaps your new situation might be what you both need right now, something fun and easy to build on.

@unambiguousbeard I really want things to work out for you and hope you don't leave yourself vulnerable in this situation. It does sound like you both have real chemistry and perhaps it's just right to live in the moment and enjoy that.

Hope you are ok @unambiguousbeard you seemed to have two extreme reactions there. My advice would be only to pick back up with Mr U if it makes you happy.

@menora did he mean to share his location with you? I like a big night out. Which means a big hangover. Which I don't like. But they are few and far between. Mr B has brought me lunch or taken me out the day after and is always understanding that I'm delicate! My ex was an alcoholic so I'm wary of daily drinking. But I don't mind the odd bender.

@thecatwiththehat I think I'd die inside a bit if I thought my lovely date I'd had slept with for the first time had already decided I wasn't the one.

@bangheadhere40 update??!!

@KermitRulesOK I remember you being quite cynical previously? Was this a real bolt from the blue? I think I'd still think waiting a year to be sure things continue as well as they have started. But I'm glad to hear you are so happy.

menora that was a good call by you, I admire your decisiveness. Unfortunately there does seem to be a major mismatch in your lifestyles though all the chemistry between you makes up for that at the moment. The problem is that this may be the real him, not just the post-marriage partying him. For me the issue would be that he has a new baby. My ex used to go out and get trashed when we had young babies, it never got better though it never got worse. He never saw a problem, but to me it was massively irresponsible and selfish.

WooMaWang - massive congrats on the pregnancy and engagement.
KermitRulesOK - congrats on 'moving in' and I for one don't think it's too soon. We all move at different speeds and as long as you are both on the same page, that's all that matters.

I don’t know why he shared his location and I’m not adverse to having big nights out now and then. But we had plans today and me personally wouldn’t go out till 5am when I had plans with someone, I wouldn’t have known he stayed out and may have turned up to the date to find him in a right state which would have ruined it anyway. He doesn’t seem to be intentionally post marriage partying, more that he possibly goes out for a couple then ends up getting carried away
He has his DC for 3 days starting tonight so regardless of me, seems irresponsible

@Menora it wasn’t fair of him to go out so late he won’t be fit for your date but apart from that this early in a relationship you can’t tell him what he can and can’t do. And I don’t think he will change either that’s the culture he is in as you as say.

@bangheadhere40. How was the date , Did he stay in the spare room.

Absolutely Jane, it’s the fact we have plans today and that he is keen for a relationship to begin. He is the one who wants that!

He phoned me 5 mins ago, he sounded rubbish but swears he isn’t hungover and stopped drinking much earlier is just tired and still wants to meet me. I just explained that I think we should leave it for today and talk again another day

How does it work with the baby @Menora? I'd be annoyed if someone's impromptu night out ruined our plans. I've always told my iron if I have a big night so we either don't see each other or they take pity on me the next day. I'm sure my hungover state is less than attractive but the last two have seemed to enjoy looking after me!

@toooldforthis67 I agree with that if it's only us involved. But with children affected I think it's fair to them we take some time. Their world will change if someone moves into their home, potentially bringing other children into the mix. And would change again if things don't work out. For that reason I'd be much more cautious than I was in my 20s. I lived with my exH from day one. Perhaps I should have been more cautious then too!! 😂🙈