Dating thread 184! Where we don't take any nonsense !

[bangheadhere40]

The Rules: 1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin. 3. Do not invest emotionally too soon. 4. It's all BS until it actually happens. 5. Trust your gut instinct. 6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault. 7. Know your worth. 8. If it's not fun, stop. 9. Loo update is mandatory. 10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy. Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps click here ** Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@clover that is it then! There's no issue then I don't think!

To me it was the panic and turning to his ex as 'she'd know what to do'. I have been in some terrifying situations with my children. But i faced then as an adult.

Asking for advice please as very new to OLD. Went on first ever date with man I'd been chatting to for about 2 weeks. I'll call him Mr Academic. I was really nervous. He was nice, pleasant conversation but did nothing for me whatsoever. Tbh he was way too learned. He seems keener on me - messaged me the next morning. What is the etiquette/best form of words to say i don't want to take this further? I don't want to be unkind but I know I'm a people-pleaser and need to be nice but clear.

@bangheadhere40 from what you have said about him he seems very gentlemanly so I doubt he would but if he did then that shows his character

Go for it!

I agree about turning to his ex, but if they get on and she has some background/ contacts of ' knocking out teeth', she may have been the best person to ask on this occasion. I wouldn't think straight if my teeth had just been knocked out.

@notcool how did last night go?

I’d still maybe call my ex if I had to a lot of my friends have little kids so couldn’t come
And my parents live away. Don’t let it be a deal breaker see how it pans out

@raspberry

"Thanks for a lovely date, I enjoyed your company but I just didn't feel a spark / dont think we are compatible / insert other reason

Lots of luck in your dating future

Raspberry "

I meant what if he's overly gentlemanly, not expecting to stay at all, and is expecting to go home and knocks me back 😁

That's the difference isn't it, that he is the one injured not a child? I've actively avoided having anyone at all with me when taking DC to A&E and for endless hospital stays as I can't be dealing with other people's idiocy/hysteria. But if it's me that's hurt I think I would reach out to a person who could and would help properly. Which may be XH or someone else who is equally adult.

@bangheadhere40 hahahahaha totally misread that!
Hah do we have to worry about these things now 😳 dating is so stressful!
Then I'd go with he's too polite to knock you back either way, he will be gentlemanly and accept your offer 😆

Ohhh unambiguous I so want you to have a happy ever after! I'm glad it was lovely though!

clover my exh is both useless and wouldn't piss on me if I were on fire, so I'd have to manage on my own. Like other single people have to do Contacts or not, I like to see self-reliance ....

banghead you are overthinking this. On such a stormy day/night it's really only polite of you to offer your spare room. As a gentleman he would appreciate that and accept your kind offer. And if he's not a 'gentleman' in that stuffy sort of way you are suggesting he will also accept your kind offer . Whichever way you look at it, him 'knocking you back' would be a bit odd I think, and highly unlikely.

unambiguous great update. To quote back at you, 'unambiguous and Mr U, sitting in a tree...'

bang I would offer the spare room, he can say oh no, I need to get back or whatever without rejecting you as you'd just be offering the spare bed! I'm hard line, if there's drinking involved he'd have to stay and not drive.

Yeah but we can't really be together. It's ridiculous. It's not just the age gap. It's loads of stuff. I don't understand why the feelings are so strong when we're so unsuited! Although maybe that's us both being ea.

🤞🏽 We can leave soon, if he isn’t sick again before 11am we should be able to go. He finally went to sleep at about 4am and woke up at his usual 6:30am, yay.

Hope everyone had a good night, lets hope storm Dennis doesn’t ruin too many plans. @bangheadhere40 Maybe suggest the spare room in case the storm makes driving too risky?

@tiger you are right, I am overthinking, and probably not being polite myself!

@SimonJT OMG you're still there... wow.

All that time I was spending shagging you were sitting in hospital 🤣

@simon I don't know if the trains are running yet, they are so far...so if he gets the train then not sure how to word it.

Done! Said it looks either way there are huge disruptions on the train line etc and it's meant to be worse tonight so he's welcome to stay in spare room.

Looking for some of your thoughtful objective advice please. I was with a guy, I will call him Mr Print, for 3 years on and off, mostly together but never lived together. He ticked loads of boxes on the kind, thoughtful, attentive and reliable list. Sex and intimacy good too.
We split up a year ago because of ongoing tensions, particularly around his attitude to my DD ( now 20) who can be emotionally needy. Background to that is her Dad, my DH passed away when she was 14, followed by both my parents within the next 3 years. She was processing a lot of emotions, exams and general teenage stuff. She is lovely but can be emotionally manipulative. My younger DD( 15) got on better with Mr Print and they had a closer connection. Overall he could be a bit full on and I think wanted the real deal with me. But I kept him somewhat at arm's length because I felt my daughters needs were more important. So I avoided conflict but as a result it killed the relationship. I was the one to end it. Tired of feeling stuck in the middle.
Mr Print and I have remained in contact on and off, even trying to be FWB for a while last summer. But limited contact and nothing physical for 6 months.
Recently he's asked me to meet him to watch the rugby a couple of times and invited me to his birthday in March. Last night he sent a message saying he'd met someone OLD but if I thought there was still a chance of us making a go of it then he wouldn't pursue anything.
I have dated during the last 12 months and have had several casual things as well as a 3 month relationship with Mr Van. I have recently resumed FWB with Mr Cocky and met Mr Photography who I have already slept with. I can recognise that I am clearly seeking attention and company from men. Some of that is to do with my self esteem. Some is the fact that my life is a bit empty. I know that some will think I need to work on myself first. Mr Print would give me lots of the things I feel I miss by being in a committed relationship. So far I have told him I do still care about him but don't want to fail again or reignite issues with my DDS. Older one due to start Drama school in September.

@unambiguousbeard Talk about rubbing salt into the wound!!!! 😂 I was meant to be child free until Sunday night so I could spend the whole time shagging!

simon you poor things, sometimes they are so slow to actually release you from hospital, especially at the weekend, it used to drive me insane. Lots of 💐 for you both.

onesmall part of me thinks ‘never go back’ but the change in your circumstances makes me wonder whether it is actually worth considering. Maybe meet for a heart to heart?

@SimonJT argh you missed the museum!

@bangheadhere40 I think you are worrying too much about his arrangements. If I was travelling to see a friend or a date and the weather was dodgy, I'd work it out myself. I'd probably book a cheap hotel or assure myself it was safe to travel. I wouldn't expect someone I didn't know very well to host me. And I'm I'd have no idea whether or not they had a spare room. I'd let him sort out his own arrangements and not worry about them.

Glad you had a nice time @unambiguousbeard maybe he's what you need for now? Do you feel better or worse?

To whoever out about regretting having slept with someone on the first date, post sex hormones are a killer for me. I think if I date again I'll take things more slowly. But don't regret what was, hopefully, an enjoyable time.

I had a lovely V evening in the end. ❤️