Dating thread 184! Where we don't take any nonsense !

[bangheadhere40]

The Rules: 1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin. 3. Do not invest emotionally too soon. 4. It's all BS until it actually happens. 5. Trust your gut instinct. 6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault. 7. Know your worth. 8. If it's not fun, stop. 9. Loo update is mandatory. 10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy. Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps click here ** Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Mr R hasn’t done anything for Valentine’s Day but I didn’t tell him I wanted it. Part of me would have like flowers delivered but then I haven’t bought him a card or gift so I can’t complain. My ex used to go overboard on Valentine’s Day and I now know he didn’t mean it so i’m better off with a man who makes me feel good the rest of the time. I saw Mr R last weekend and he was just staring at me and I don’t think it was with horror! I’ve been thinking about it and it feels like he loves me, it just felt different to how he normally looks at me, so that’s enough for the time being.

I threw a tantrum @TigerDater, to my shame. And he's taking me out for drinks later...

I just got my usual polite Good Afternoon text from Mr Dumfries, and he said in there ' Happy Valentine's Day'....which I thought was nice but by no means OTT!

@Notcoolmum that's a good result!

Think being direct is good and setting your expectations, although hard to do sometimes.

I read that if you word things that ' I feel this' etc rather than ' you have done this'....that works a lot better as they are less defensive as there is no blame, just stating how you feel, then it's upto them to fix it.

I'm glad he's taking you out Notcool. Mr BC seems a bit grumpy with me.

bang I did that but it didn't really work! A half-hearted offer to go out (for a couple of hours) 'if you want'.

Exactly banghead, and if when you say 'I feel this' they say anything along the lines of 'well you shouldn't feel that' (looking at you, XH) you know you have some work to do.

notcool go you!

To be fair this tantrum thing is new for me, and is something I first practised on my adult DC when none of them came to see me on Mother's Day two years ago. I just thought 'screw being noble and understanding, I want more!' and told them exactly how I felt and what I wanted in the following year. They thought I was cool, and they learnt I'm really, really not

I'm a bit ashamed of myself tbh. And it's all a bit soured now. I wanted him to want to do something nice for me. Not feel he had to. I'm hoping it's just mis/communication and misunderstanding and not a lack of caring. I told him how I felt and he has put in effort to make it right.

Maybe he's disappointed too batshit? Or rightly pissed off with his SD?

@bats He's probably disappointed he's not seeing you and feels it's your choice because you've turned down the takeaway. Good. Might make him sit up. Whoever said earlier they all sound a bit stuck in their grief stage is right.

I just remembered my birthday with Mr U. We have the same birthday and I'd made cake and bought a joke gift. I have low expectations but on my birthday and as we were in a relationship I did expect something. He gave me nothing at al. I didn't have a tantrum but apparently I looked at him with pure anger although I said nothing. A week or so later I got a huge bag full of really thoughtful small gifts which would have only meant something to us. So yes to expressing it if you expect something.

We are going for dinner and drinks. Meeting at an outlet mall as there are a lot of restaurants to choose from. I'm a little early so just waiting on him. Caught myself in the mirror and thought damn I look good so hopefully he thinks so.

I have another iron. I will call him Muscles. He has asked me to call him later to arrange a date

Good on you for telling him @Notcoolmum enjoy your night out.
@BatshitCrazyWoman it's a difficult one because as you freely admit he's a good one. He probably doesn't know what else to say or do after step kids screwed up your plans.
@unambiguousbeard have a lovely evening tonight 👌

Funny reading the "women don't like nice guys" comment as I see this regularly on male dominated forums 🙄 it is definitely a school of thought for many men.

I left a bunch of flowers on MissH's doorstep this afternoon, they seem to have gone down well. So still keeping fingers crossed things will be ok when I get back from my hols.

Quick update. So far so good. Tall, dimples, frekles and a lovely accent. Being a gentleman and picking up the bill aswell. Hate to say that it doesn't happen that often on dates for me.

@Notcoolmum dont let it sour your evening. I think it's a bit of a minefield sometimes particularly in the early stages knowing what is the right thing to do. At least now he knows 😉

There seems to be a theme of lots of us having a rubbishy day.

I’ve spent mine in A&E, someone decided to act like a tit on the stairs of the flat this morning, one broken arm and fairly impressive egg on his head. He’s been vomiting so we’re just waiting to see if we’re allowed home or if we have to stay 🤞🏽 we can go. We’ve been here since about 8:30.

@WooMaWang Completely agree, my ex has very gappy teeth that are a mix of milk and adult teeth, they just suit him and he has a lovely toothy smile. MrNN has traintracks, he can’t wait to get rid. How are you getting on?

@SimonJT I read that as someone random. Poor old Mini. Broken arm is no fun.

@woomawang I don't know how you can bear to think about teeth when you're upduffed. 🤢 how's it all going?

Oh no, simon do you mean your son or Mr NN? That is one rubbish Valentines day, whichever

My son, he’s been a nightmare all day, so can’t be in that much pain! Managed to pull the curtain off the runner around his bed, I think the poor nurses will be relieved when we’re gone, one said he was very high spirited, a very polite way to say naughty 😂
If I hear “can we watch happy feet yet?” one more time I may spontaneously combust.

Oh Simon poor Mini. Fingers crossed you are able to go home soon

I get it Notcool - Mr BC's offer was only made because I said I was disappointed. So I don't want to go out for two hours on one of the busiest nights of the year to some restaurant that could fit us in, no, because it's spoilt now. I've walked through the beautiful part of central London where I work this evening surrounded by couples and men with flowers and I'm now pissed off, not just disappointed. Even though when I was being harrassed by an ex, part of the harrassment was flowers delivered to my office all the time ...

I am seeing Mr BC tomorrow and meeting more of his friends on Sunday.

I'm really not sure about the grief thing. My gut feeling is he is more than ready to move forward, but for all his protestations that it's his decision, his SDD's reaction has meant he doesn't want to do anything that will upset her more. I could be wrong.

@BatshitCrazyWoman i think you have to look at actions rather than words and speak up if you are upset by anything. I know it's easy for me to say but he does seem to adore you. Tomorrow you are having a day plus meeting more of his friends. You can always tell him today you were upset and say he needs to make it up tmw.

simon I'm so sorry, being in hospital with a young child is a bloody nightmare, have you got anyone with you? Is there is a play specialist or someone who can give you a break?

batshit it sounds like family therapy might help Mr BC and his SD. Of course he doesn't want to upset her, but by putting his life on hold for her he may actually be enabling her to be stuck in her grief. Armchair psychology I know. I'm sorry you're having a tough day.

That's it @batshitcrazy and wherever you look today you can't escape it!! I think all you can do is tell him how it's made you feel and see how he responds.

The grief thing is so hard. I imagine I'd hate my dad if he moved on. Thankfully not something I've had to deal with as my mum is very much with us. But lots of adults have to deal with their parents moving on. And the shrine is unreasonable. Plus his bedroom should be how he wants it. Now after a reasonable amount of time has passed. Was her death sudden or expected?

At some point he will need to decide whether he's with you or not. And a year is a long time I think. I think you have been really understanding. You are entitled to feel special and have the relationship you want. Despite the sadness of his wife dying.

Did you see a post a month or so back from an employee slagging off her boss's new partner after his wife had died. I wanted to slap her. So inappropriate of her to comment.

To me it was a really short date but I really enjoyed myself. Both said we want to see each other again. Hopefully I do see him again

I did see that thread, Notcool and I wanted to slap her too. My counsellor said the only one who can say if it's 'too soon' or not is the widow/widower themselves. She was ill for a couple of years before she died.

My mother died and I don't think I would feel it was wrong if my father met someone else. Life is short and if you want to spend your time with someone special then you should.

I'm going to go to bed soon and try and forget all this