Dating thread 184! Where we don't take any nonsense !

[bangheadhere40]

The Rules: 1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin. 3. Do not invest emotionally too soon. 4. It's all BS until it actually happens. 5. Trust your gut instinct. 6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault. 7. Know your worth. 8. If it's not fun, stop. 9. Loo update is mandatory. 10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy. Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps click here ** Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

I did too 😂

Dennis with no make up on I think was my favourite ever scene although I also love the McPoyles

@EchoElephant good luck! Wonder if he has lied about his height the other way and is actually about 6 foot 10!

I've still been a wimp and not brought up the train situation with Mr Dumfries, neither has he though.

I have said early drinks and I can't take much drink so will need to eat very early ( knowing the last train). I do get a good feeling about him though, so will gauge it tomorrow, actually think I might want him to stay now, so don't want to tell him he is going home if we are getting on well.

Will see how it goes....and will mention it on the day.

He's at work so he doesn't have all his animals with him! We live too far away from each other for him to go home and feed them and then come to me. He's responded and said 'we can go out if you like' which is not doing it for me. Plus we'll have two hours and then he'll leave to go home.

I'm watching The Stranger on Netflix - one episode to go! I'll have an early night as I get up at 5 during the week.

@Menora that's so funny. Did you reply to him?
Fingers crossed he doesn't get too comfy in your pants !

EchoElephant

I said I couldn’t believe he had done it and the pose had killed me dead with laughter. I know he did it for a laugh not as a serious sexual turn on so won’t be as hard to look him in the eye!

Date with Mr Dimples is on for later. Now I'm massively overthinking what to wear. Had decided on a Jessica Dress from Bravissimo. Now I'm thinking either that or skinny jeans, top/jumper and knee high boots. Or quickly buying a different dress

Do what feels right @bangheadhere40 but there is no rush. It's quite nice to build up anticipation. I've been immersed in the female dating strategy reddit someone posted a few threads back and thinking I might change my approach on having sex early on. I do get the flood of hormones afterwards which can be hard to manage early on when there is no certainty on feelings.

My general view has been though to have sex when it feels right to me. And I want to enjoy it. And only if I'm sure I can cope with it not leading to anything.

Menora Nice to know he was thinking of you and not taking Valentines too seriously. I would think that was quite cute and slightly disturbing.

bangheadhere40 Noooo!! 6ft 8 is possibly too tall. At least I should be able to recognise him in the pub.

@notcool I have no plans to have sex with him! If we do get on I am going to say he can stay but in the spare room. Agree about the hormones, which is why I want to wait. I'm sure he would be fine with the spare room anyway.

I haven't even kissed him yet....he never tried though. He does seem dare I say 'decent' and respectful. Fingers crossed!

Ooh Echo I met a guy from Fab who was 6ft 7 - I'm 5ft 3.5 so I had to wear heels 😂😂😂

@echoelephant at my height a LOT of men are a foot taller than me. I quite like it!!

Sex does make everything so much more intense, although your body wants to do it your brain often wants to do it to prove something to yourself or the other person - like, I do like you enough or I want you to like me more, even however much we don’t think we do this as humans we do. We want approval from others and there is so much pressure even on kissing for the first time, it’s so easy to feel rejected when the other person does something to make you feel invalid. I’m not one to talk about sex too soon right now 😂 but no I don’t on the first date as a rule generally. It used to be a throwback to ‘what kind of woman I want them to think I am’ but experience has taught me I just don’t feel as comfortable as I was trying to convince myself hence why I don’t go get drunk on dates as I think it may impair my judgment

@menora good points! I don't want the intensity of sex just yet....and to be honest only really enjoy sex when there is more of an emotional connection there, or I don't enjoy it at all.

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! Hope everyone has a good one, with someone special or yourself.

I’m feeling a little down still about Miss Confusing - realised yesterday it was 8 weeks since I last saw her, which seems ages - but less than 2 weeks since we last spoke - so still feeling a bit raw. The constant adverts for today haven’t helped. Not a good time of the year to be getting over a breakup!

On the plus side, I have a second date with Miss Haircut tonight - she wants to come over to my neck of the woods, and seems to want to continue where we finished with our snog at the end of the first date. Not sure if she’s intending to come back to mine or even stay over, so I’m not making any assumptions but I have spent the last 2 days frantically tidying up just in case!

@menora I like Mr Muddle! I like his style. And you sound so on the same wavelength!

@dancerinthemoonlight I remember your pic in your last dress and you looked stunning. Where are you going?

I am ridiculously excited about mr U coming over this evening. I'm cooking and he's bringing pudding. I'm then getting some work done at his business so we will go there together tomorrow. I've no idea if it's a one off or an ending or a new way of being together. It doesn't matter though. My new thyroid dose has finally kicked in and I feel great. Suddenly started noticing all the hot men around. And I'm not feeling overwhelmed by life anymore.

Having said that I'm not going to start swiping again, @UtterSocks has reminded me about what men of my age are like...i also want to make sure I'm on the correct dose of meds as I don't want to be mid dating if I hit the wall again.

Also I agree with @menora Valentine's Day is total wank. It's just another way to feed insecurities and feel inadequate or lonely. I've never ever celebrated it. And don't intend ever celebrating it!

shitwith yes he says he understands. The going to his place thing isn't going to happen again until he can tell me most of the photos have gone. Because he lives so far away going to his would only really be a weekend thing because of work etc.

I have thrashed out the photo thing with my counsellor. And decided to ignore it for the time being. The fact that he really wants me to go to his means the ball is in his court. I'm hyper aware of being 'compartmentalised' as my last 18 month relationship ended because the guy did that ...

Oh, I don't care about Valentine's Day, and never have apart from when I was a teenager and it was a status thing with friends to get cards. Even then I just cared what the girls thought. Had a few Happy Valentine's Day messages from knobheads on Bumble and Tinder. Am on my girls night out tonight but feeling totally fed up.

Mr Science WhatsApped me something about the Cabinet reshuffle (we talk politics, we are boring) and I sent some jokey stuff back from Twitter but also he has been on Tinder day and night (work to home and back again) so am guessing he is juggling someone on there and trying to reel them in for after his holiday while throwing me the odd crumb. It rather takes away the excuse he is busy if he can log onto a dating app so often. And it hurts because he has met me FFS so he's obviously thinking he fancies me enough to give it a go but only if he can't line up something better. And I just feel not good enough. I doubt we will actually have that promised date and if we do I'll be thinking it is because Tinder Trollope didn't want him.

Usually, I really don't care, but this has got to me and I think I am basically insecure because I think I'm not good enough for him. Before my ex (who was a dick, but a very average looking one) I went out mostly with very handsome men and they were almost universally unavailable/unfaithful, so I think I'm just expecting the worst (albeit correctly). I haven't read that book but am obviously the Fallback Girl.

Curiosity got the better of me over on Bumble too and I messaged Mr Personality saying 'fancy seeing you on here, I hope all went well with your operation' and he's not replied. He has 10 hours left and I expect he won't. Wonder if he even recognised me when he swiped on me. Perhaps if you get through swipes in enough volume all blonde women look the same after a while (as they blur past at lightning fucking speed)!

Anyway, hope all of you that DO have dates tonight have fun, and especially you @unambiguousbeard

Allegedly going out with Mr Rugby on Sunday but he will probably disappear as well. I feel like I am in an episode of Black Mirror.

I am going out with a male friend on Saturday though. He's a great and long-standing friend so looking forward to it, and he does not fancy me either, I almost need not say, which actually pretty much makes it count as a date with my track record!

@BatshitCrazyWoman shame you don't live near me, you would be welcome on our girls night out. I am going to get drunk!

With my XH Valentines Day, like everything else, was a power display, in this case of ornate surprises and shedloads of unsigned cards. Cute when we were young but my DD told me the other day that when she was little she was convinced we both had tons of lovers! And I could never keep up. So tbh I’m more than happy to spend it alone with the dog. Had a card (no envelope) from mr GN who spelt my name wrong, and some sweet messages from Mr Mad.

unambiguous it’s wonderful to hear you so upbeat and full of mojo! Have fun with Mr U.

batshit I know grief is complex and very individual but you deserve to be at the centre of someone’s life. I’m kind of surprised you want to leave the next move up to him as he seems a bit stuck, if you know what I mean. Does he have a counsellor? Do the DSC? Is he trying to resolve this weird impasse with them?

@BatshitCrazyWoman what I was trying to say is it’s ok to meet up for a hour / few hours if it is just a friendly catch up but if the only reason is him wanting sex then it’s not the same

I know @TigerDater the difference in me is incredible. I've been up and down with it now for a year and it's a slow slide down when it's falling so I'm not good at recognising it for what it is. I've started diarising symptoms/mood so I can catch it. I did know this time what it was but it still takes a few weeks to get meds see gp etc. It's a bloody pain. Anyway yes, feeling great.

@uttersocks he might just be multi dating, not putting his eggs in one basket etc etc I would swipe him and see what he says. Bumble guy sounds like an excuse. His loss.

@batshitcrazywoman I would have a night out with you and @uttersocks if I wasn't seeing Mr U. But it sounds like you'll enjoy your evening home alone. I love an evening to myself.. rather too much it seems.

I think it's fine if you don't care about Valentine's Day. Good for you. But that doesn't invalidate the feelings of those of us that would like to seem some effort made for it.