If I were to report my parents for historical abuse....

[oprahfan]

some of the details could be triggering re: historical child abuse

I am really struggling with what to do, if anything, about the emotional, physical and psychological abuse I endured during my childhood, adolescence and early adulthood.
I have been going through CBT and EMDR therapy for over 3 years now. It happened in England and Scotland.
The Dr who performs the therapies has warned me several times about going down the legal route, saying it would be harrowing, I would be chewed up and spat out basically.
My partner of 25 years, who has also been on the receiving end of my parents abuse has said not to take them to court.
I have seen my medical records from when I used to live at home, there are pages and pages about my mother and her manipulative behaviour, my role as a scapegoat, my father the enabler, brother golden child.
I still have flashbacks, really terrible flashbacks, I won’t give details right now.

My question is....can I make a report to the police? Can it be noted? Does it have to go to court? I still believe my mother is a danger to others, not just children. I believe she displays munchausens (not sure of spelling) is a compulsive liar, told me she was dying when I was in early pregnancy, tells anyone that will listen horrific lies about me.
I have not had contact with my parents for over 10 years, same with my brother, I blocked all communication.
I hated the horrific lies she tells other relatives about me, she has torn two sets of family apart.
I just want the truth out there. I’ve told the truth all along, yet I’m the one who has had to face the fire, stop the cycle of abuse so my children didn’t have to. The hardest work of my life. I could not have my children being unable to come to me, or hate me. To be alone. I had to be a good loving parent alongside my partner.
My children are grown now and we have a great relationship, they are doing well in their lives compared to my upbringing. I feel so cheated.
But why should my parents be allowed to get away with it?

@Nyctophyllia

My feelings are 100% mine and what I went through are also correct.
I have work to do.
I hate to think of what you’ve been through yourself, so glad you did something getting an acknowledgement of some sort. It’s not pleasant, it’s so tough, but what we’ve been through is no different and it was very very wrong.
Thank you for your thoughts. They were needed this morning. Xx

The police did not put one foot wrong throughout the entire process they were excellent
Big up Police Scotland👍
⭐🏆⭐

@PregnantCat
The very term ‘insanity’ was what my Dr came out with about the way I was treated. Confusion reigned supreme in the first 20+ years of my life.

I think that the life I have now, although far from perfect, and I am actually scared to live, is some sort of victory.
The peace I have now is unfathomable and it’s bordering on joy.

I also agree that the lid of their version of reality should and ought to be blown off.
But I am not going about this with my eyes shut. Far from it. I have no expectations whatsoever. Except more insanity pouring out the black and yellow stained lying teeth of my so called mother.

You sound like you have suffered terribly. But I think your Dr is a very wise person to tell you avoid a police complaint.

Firstly, coercive control will not apply to what happened to you. This offence was created as law in 2015. It does not apply to any behaviour before that date. So you would need the police to consider another offence to apply; and that would be difficult to do.

Secondly; never underestimate what criminal justice can be like. It is tough on people like you. It takes time. There is a lot of scrutiny. It is really, really important to know that the prosecution of people is done on behalf of the State, and the offence is against the State. You are not central to this. You can be really attacked by defence barristers to prevent conviction occurring. Your being and character will be considered and broadcast to a jury. They might be sympathetic or they might not. You could find your parents acquitted of any charge brought. This can have a strong invalidating effect on victims with psychological damage.

Never imagine this will heal you. The process can make actually make you feel worse or unravel the good progress you have made.

Crime has to be proved beyond all reasonable doubt. Think how you would feel if your case was not enough.

@LexMitior
I have never thought for one second that considering legal action will heal me.
If you read through my replies, not a single sentence refers to the fact this will make it all go away and wayhey! I’m healed!

I trust the Dr I go through therapy with, I have already gone through 2 years of intense work, and as difficult as it is, it works.

The facts include my mother is an accomplished liar.
It is noted in several reports how difficult, manipulative and threatening she has been, and that is with professional individuals.
She also had quite a few ‘friends’ who were serving police officers.
My question to you is this.
Are you if the opinion that those who suffered at the hands and god knows what of Jimmy Saville should just have kept quiet?
He got away with it.
Supposed lessons learnt. My arse.
I have the intelligence to know about the law regarding coercive control and it’s introduction.
Sometimes, enough is bloody enough.
And my being and character attacked?
I have courage, although I may feel fear.
Had it all my life. I’m not frightened any more.
Now I’m the dangerous one.

No. I think you assume that in cautioning you, I say you can’t do this.

Go in with your eyes open. I feel that sometimes the people who are most affected by the system is where there is an acquittal in cases like yours. It can be another wound to bear.

@LexMitior
If I do decide to go to Police Scotland with my complaints and evidence, I go in with no expectations whatsoever.
If the procurator fiscal decides there is a case to be heard, then so be it.

My partner has asked what punishment I would like for my parents.
It is not up to me to decide a punishment in legal cases, it would be up to the Sheriff to decide on any disposal, if any. This I know without taking any legal advice so far.
If they decide there isn’t enough evidence, so be it
I strongly believe my mother in particular is a danger not just to children, but to many vulnerable groups of people.
I know the system is stacked up against the victim, and that’s screwed up.
Not many people can handle the truth, including the judicial system.
But my god, I am determined.It is not something that is learned. I was born with it. It’s what has kept me alive until now.

OP your words about the little girl really touched me.
My very kind loving grandmother was abused by her father whilst she had a happy and fulfilled life the legacy of not having a proper childhood left it's mark on both her and my mother and thus her parenting of me and my siblings.

Your story of the little girl made me think of her, I often thought I'd love to be able to go back and whisk her away. So many lives are ruined by abuse we must talk about it's affect in society.

This may sound patronising but well done if you were my child I'd be proud of you

@Sickoffamilydrama
No, you’re not patronising in the slightest!
It’s a very sad fact of life that no one will whisk you away.
It’s strange to think of fairy tales, about wicked parents/grandmothers and the child got away to a happier life, Matilda springs to mind a bit too.
Some of these tales are hundreds of years old. Probably the norm.
We locked people away.
My mother, in a psychologists report, actually wanted it to be announced that I was mentally ill. My father also said that I “would be going to an institution”!!!!!!! So they wanted me locked away. Discarded.
Britain, and in many cases Ireland, have an absolutely appalling record on child abuse.

Not now. Wholly 100% unacceptable now.

The state, medical facilities and social services have known for 30+ years the impact child abuse has had.

Finally, it is true about the chasing after cats and feeding them bits of best ham. The little girl did do that 😏