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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

If I were to report my parents for historical abuse....

159 replies

oprahfan · 07/02/2020 19:58

some of the details could be triggering re: historical child abuse

I am really struggling with what to do, if anything, about the emotional, physical and psychological abuse I endured during my childhood, adolescence and early adulthood.
I have been going through CBT and EMDR therapy for over 3 years now. It happened in England and Scotland.
The Dr who performs the therapies has warned me several times about going down the legal route, saying it would be harrowing, I would be chewed up and spat out basically.
My partner of 25 years, who has also been on the receiving end of my parents abuse has said not to take them to court.
I have seen my medical records from when I used to live at home, there are pages and pages about my mother and her manipulative behaviour, my role as a scapegoat, my father the enabler, brother golden child.
I still have flashbacks, really terrible flashbacks, I won’t give details right now.

My question is....can I make a report to the police? Can it be noted? Does it have to go to court? I still believe my mother is a danger to others, not just children. I believe she displays munchausens (not sure of spelling) is a compulsive liar, told me she was dying when I was in early pregnancy, tells anyone that will listen horrific lies about me.
I have not had contact with my parents for over 10 years, same with my brother, I blocked all communication.
I hated the horrific lies she tells other relatives about me, she has torn two sets of family apart.
I just want the truth out there. I’ve told the truth all along, yet I’m the one who has had to face the fire, stop the cycle of abuse so my children didn’t have to. The hardest work of my life. I could not have my children being unable to come to me, or hate me. To be alone. I had to be a good loving parent alongside my partner.
My children are grown now and we have a great relationship, they are doing well in their lives compared to my upbringing. I feel so cheated.
But why should my parents be allowed to get away with it?

OP posts:
TheBlueStocking · 08/02/2020 10:03

If you have evidence, I say go for it. But only on the proviso that you can cope if the case is dropped or not pursued.

oprahfan · 08/02/2020 10:59

To those of you who have read and to those who have replied so far, thank you so much.

There has been a massive cost to me dealing with the aftermath of child abuse.
I failed every single exam at school. Was bullied badly at school. I was only just surviving.
No qualifications.
I met my DP at 24 and went on to gain qualifications with merit and even a Diploma. I didn’t know I had intelligence.
Unlike my grown up children, I will never achieve like normal people.

I cannot deal with people shouting at me. I have worked in some highly stressful professional kitchens, as I am so passionate about good food. I’ve been told I’m very talented. I’ve had my work published in broadsheet newspapers, magazines, etc. I’ve had people queuing down the street to buy the things I produced. But it’s all for nothing. I’ve run away from being screamed at or yelled at many times. I couldn’t understand why being yelled at produced sweats, tremors, dry mouth, feeling sick, etc. I didn’t go back.
My other talent was going into failing businesses, spotting the flaws very quickly and turning things around.
You can imagine some employers and clients can be very challenging at having to change their ways.
I won’t ever work for husband and wife teams again. Small businesses. Because they don’t ever go through proper processes and can get rid of you in the click of a finger.
Since going through CBT and EMDR I now know why.
One of my children has graduated from the RAF with an incredible achievement award. It just goes to show if you bring up a child with worth, a solid foundation, they can go into the world and achieve anything. That one has got their wings and is going around the world as I write. My other child is laid back, gentle, incredibly funny and is following in my food footsteps, although I have tried to put them off it. This other one loves hanging out with friends, going to food fairs and markets, yet at 19 years old still wants cuddles even though they’re 6ft 2!!!!!!!
Most of the time, I cannot leave the house.
I wear shame, although the outfit is not and should not be mine to wear. I do not feel I should be seen or heard.
How I long to be able to live a normal life.

OP posts:
VanGoghsDog · 08/02/2020 11:02

I failed every single exam at school. Was bullied badly at school. I was only just surviving.
No qualifications.
I met my DP at 24 and went on to gain qualifications with merit and even a Diploma. I didn’t know I had intelligence.

Exactly the same. Did my professional qualifications while working and did well. Later did a law degree part time with the OU and got a first.
For someone who barely has an O level I was amazed. Always thought I was stupid.

oprahfan · 08/02/2020 11:05

@VanGoghsDog
Never ever stupid. I am so proud of you, So you should be amazed. You are amazing!

OP posts:
ittakes2 · 08/02/2020 11:13

My therapist asked me if I wanted to report a single account of abuse that happened to me as a child. It was almost 40 years ago. My first thought was what was the point. But then I came to realise that it was still on my mind and I had felt guilty for years I had not reported it (because I was a child at the time - no one had ever suggested or asked me to report it - I had assumed it was too late).
Short story was I reported it. It was painful dong the police report where they understandably wanted a lot of detail - I remember more now than I did as a child because I had to work through the experience minute by minute. I feel out with family members who the police wanted to contact as witnesses.
It was a short experience but it was an insight for me into how traumatic it must be for victims of abuse who have sadly had repeated and extensive abuse and the intensity involved in recalling everything.
In my instance it was too long ago for a prosecution due to lack of evidence. However, I can say that by reporting it, it has finally given me the closure that I needed. But ultimately, it is up to you as it did affect my life for a year before I got to that point of closure.

Fretfulparent · 08/02/2020 11:22

napac.org.uk/

I know this was posted up thread but may help with support

www.cps.gov.uk/legal-guidance/child-abuse-non-sexual-prosecution-guidance

Some information regarding prosecution.

Kittykat93 · 08/02/2020 11:26

Oh op. My heart is breaking reading your posts. It's truly incredible how you've survived and given your children a lovely upbringing after the shocking abuse you suffered.

I really hope you find peace. It is the least you deserve. Flowers

UYScuti · 08/02/2020 11:40

Yes they were abusive monsters, I don't think of them as people I think of them as creatures, they allowed thier worst animal impulses to take over, the base instincts for power and domination, the exploited and abused the weak and vulnerable just because they could.
when you grow up surrounded by predators I do think you develop an instinct to sniff them out quickly.

oprahfan · 08/02/2020 12:06

@Fretfulparent
Thank you for that link, it’s incredibly helpful.

OP posts:
RockinHippy · 08/02/2020 12:19

This is not the route to happiness & healing, this is the route to digging yourself further into the hole of anger & despair, that you need to get out of.

Cliched as it is, you need to learn forgive them, not for their sake, but for your own, that is the only way you will get over this

UYScuti · 08/02/2020 12:22

I profoundly disagree
do not forgive these monsters, perhaps try and let go of the need for revenge but they should never be forgiven

oprahfan · 08/02/2020 12:27

@RockinHippy
Bollards.

OP posts:
UYScuti · 08/02/2020 12:33

There is no 'only way' to get over these complex painful traumatic childhood histories

blackcat86 · 08/02/2020 13:23

Living with purpose is something I'm looking at now. I'm retraining in a career related to my trauma and helping others. It's also helping me bring the experience full circle to something that brings me strength rather than just an awful trauma.

oprahfan · 08/02/2020 13:25

@RockinHippy
Forgiveness is not a cliche need to ‘move on’. It is not even necessary in order to feel compassion (I have no doubts that my mother was abused also).

In fact, more often than not, the instances when forgiveness is prescribed by individuals such as yourself to the likes of severe trauma, betrayal, hurt and abuse, it is actuallt more harmful to the person needing to heal.
A cliche is NOT the only way to heal.

OP posts:
oprahfan · 08/02/2020 13:29

@blackcat86
That’s helpful thinking. I have wondered about retraining, but wonder if I can face a career related to the trauma.

OP posts:
RockinHippy · 08/02/2020 13:33

Opra, I'm speaking from personal experience & I am free of passed hurt because I learnt to forgive. Cliches are cliches for a reason. They work, but only when you are ready, which you clearly aren't.

blackcat86 · 08/02/2020 13:33

I would recommend something adjacent so for me birth trauma itself is too raw for me to be supporting others but I'm doing something supporting parents with young children (cant say exactly as its outing). Could you do something supporting children or young people in care or care leavers? Maybe working with DV victims? Something related but not directly child abuse.

oprahfan · 08/02/2020 13:40

@blackcat86
I have a real love of teenagers and children to be honest. I work with some older ones right now.
I understand the correlation of those who are in the care system and not thriving. This has to change.
Look what genuine care can do for a person, young or old.
It is important to be truly therapeutic. I have thought about fostering too when youngest flies the nest.
You have given me something to focus on. Thank you.

OP posts:
oprahfan · 08/02/2020 13:44

@iMatter
Thank you for your kind comments. No one has ever said I’ve taken their breath away before........oh my .....

OP posts:
Iambloodystarving · 08/02/2020 13:45

Give yourself a set amount of time - 20 minutes say. Agree to naw on the bone, ruminate.
When the time is up do something life affirming. Listen to some uplifting music, sing at the top of your voice, skip, dance, SOMETHING. Remind yourself that you now own yourself, you made good choices, in the face of incredible difficulty you created a positive life. You are pretty powerful when it comes down to it. And they are not welcome in your thoughts anymore. Acknowledge to yourself their damage, your achievement and let take center of your mind.
Good luck op. Also, keep in mind that 50 is a time of big reflection and big change.
By the way, an animal can bring a lot of joy in that it is an uncomplicated, adoring relationship! Worth thinking about?

oprahfan · 08/02/2020 14:09

@Iambloodystarving
Took a screenshot of what you’ve just written as that is very practical.
However, maybe not so on the animal front. I love elephants but don’t think the neighbours would be so appreciative of th running about with discarded footballs in the back garden!

OP posts:
blackcat86 · 08/02/2020 14:18

Fostering would be great. If you like working with teenagers then supported lodgings could be good to. Its similar to fostering but for 16+ teens to get them ready for independence when foster placements end. It basically helps stop what happened to you where you leave home early with no support and it affects life outcomes. Love the idea of you running around in your garden with an elephant and a football lol!!

TheHoneyBadger · 08/02/2020 14:30

I initiated a report into historical sexual abuse when i was a minor. I confess I was a bit tipsy the first time I called. So much had been in the news and I was reliving and going over it so much. The only thing that got me to call was 'what if' he carried on, what if someone else has made a report and my reporting would back up theirs. I didn't expect anything to be done about the abuse I suffered but worried that someone else could benefit from me adding to the picture.

The man who abused me was known to the police at the time and even visited my parents home and encouraged me to press charges (I was 14/15 at the time) and one of the officers who came was invested because this man had been in a 'relationship' with his daughter in the past.

It was bizarre talking about something from so long ago with the voice of a middle aged woman who is pretty capable and intelligent trying to explain the experience of a kid who was totally out of her depth.

The first person I was referred to was excellent - really understanding, gave hints that he knew of the person in question (whilst remaining professional) and made me feel believed and like I wasn't wasting their time. I explained that I didn't want to take action for me but felt obliged to report in case he was still offending or my report could help someone else's case. He was honestly grate and obviously well trained and made clear everything could be at my own pace and he would look into things and get back to me and it was all confidential etc.

Anyway a few days later random police turned up at my door at end of school time and said they wanted to talk to me - I was like whoah this is not a good time my son is due home and why have you just turned up here like this. They kind of bullied me into letting them in (as opposed to the neighbours hearing this stuff) and then tried to tell me because I'd made a report I had to go and give video evidence and do x, y and z. They seemed to know no detail and were officious and distressing and eventually I had to make them leave because I was worried about my son coming home. I was so disturbed with them that I was like just forget i called etc and they were trying to make out that couldn't be done and you couldn't just report something and then not take action or come in and have a video interview.

A couple of days later the original officer called me and I told him what had happened with the other officers and he was really apologetic and nice and it seems like it came up on the system that I needed following up and he wasn't in that day so it was randomly assigned to the pair who came to me. He came to see me briefly and unofficially told me roughly where this man was now living (a long way away) and that there were no active investigations or things that I could contribute to.

He made very clear that he believed me, and unprofessional as maybe some will think it, that this man was historically known to them. He spelled out what my options were and I made very clear that unless it was to help an existing case I couldn't see any point in putting myself through harrowing stuff only to be told it was too long ago, no evidence etc. He was understanding of that but emphasised that if i ever changed my mind I could come back to them.

Sorry long story and mostly off topic but my point is that i think the police are very hit and miss like most institutions. If it was all like him that's one thing but the colleagues who came and were rude and incensitive and treated me like a criminal were another entirely.

I think it's also clear from what i've said (if you've managed to read all that) that for me there was no point in dredging and reliving it all unless it was going to have an impact on someone else's safety or need for justice or for protecting people in the present.

Regardless of what it should be the justice system is brutal for victims of abuse and prosecution rates are tiny and conviction rates shrinkingly small. If no one else is in danger I personally think it's worth protecting yourself from that.

I don't think anyone else has mentioned it but really, terrifying as it may be, the real people needing to be confronted are your parents. Have you considered confronting them?

oprahfan · 08/02/2020 15:01

@TheHoneyBadger

Confronting my abusers?
I have tried, like a fool I tried. It was thrown back at me at full force, by both parents.

They don’t have the capacity to listen, won’t listen and will never acknowledge.
Denial is the order of the day. Or put the blame squarely on my shoulders.

I know my father is getting it in the neck ever since I became ‘unreachable’.
My father went on to attempt suicide, yet he can’t put two and two together ....I was the suicidal one when I was the focus of their bile.
Yet he defends my mother unequivocally.
I confronted my mother years ago when I found out from my medical records that she blamed me for her marriage difficulties.
(She was having several affairs)
She wouldn’t budge an inch then went on to claim that i’ve attacked her and my father !!!??!!!
She has also said I ‘deserved’ whatever happened to me because I never gave in and ‘behaved myself or complied like your brother’.
The judicial system doesn’t fill me with much hope to be honest.
Of course they are both a risk. The blows (and they were vicious) that rained down on my brother and myself could be repeated.
She still makes up catastrophic illnesses. She is also a compulsive liar to boot.
Anyone that comes into contact with her in particular needs to be kept safe.

OP posts: