Dating thread 183 - Know your worth, honour your boundaries

[saltysally]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@supercali77 I know it would just be to see how he was, he hadn't been very well. I wouldnt meet him.

give me a slap lol

I've always been known to be quite guarded and was trying there not to be and saying how I felt. I knew there was a reason for it!

Can I join you on the NoCockCocktail bench @unambiguousbeard? (now there’s a username 😂). I am enjoying reading all the loved up posts (especially happy for you @shitwithsugaron after your last one!) but I think there is something wrong with me, am unable to meet anyone I click with. Have had many, many irons to chat to and several dates and I just don’t seem capable of it. So may as well get comfy on here. Have a new friend at least in Mr Media but we are both so busy we don’t see each other much. Apart from Mr Personality have found all the other dates underwhelming (and they ranged from sex pest to bore, with just one I liked but found utterly unfanciable). Have a couple of irons now but MrTraveller lives an hour away, MrRugby is lovely but 7 years younger and the one I like, MrScience, is not much of a messenger despite saying upfront he found me attractive and so had deleted the app already. I don’t think I am destined to meet anyone so mine’s a Mohito and I’m here for the foreseeable, possibly until I die alone surrounded by cats 🙀🙀🙀

I love this thread. Love how everyone is being supportive but honest. I could really have done with this a week ago in the midst of my head fuck over Mr Van retreating ( due to grief ) but as yet to return ( looking increasingly unlikely ).
I don't personally enjoy celibacy but finding the right person to meet those needs without feeling a bit rubbish afternwards is always the challenge. Because essentially I definitely want more than that.

unambiguousbeard thanks, the NoCockCocktail bench sounds great.

Although I might potentially have the opportunity for some Low drama dick, if I can be bothered. It would mean shaving my legs which haven't seen the light of day since the end of last year. So I need to be sure he's worth the effort and razor blades first.

@oneamallstep67 I has an iron that retreated due to 'grief' one when he reappeared he had a newborn baby!

@uttersocks I'm hoping not to stay on this bench indefinitely. But like you I couldn't find anyone I wanted to actually meet on the apps this time round. It was just depressing me, esp all the men of my age. I'm not sure about allowing cats on the bench though... I'm not ready to give up quite yet...

You took on the advice @shitwithsugaron
It's not easy to do when the advice is telling you the opposite of what you want to believe but you did it.

@shitwithsugaron. Supportive but if someone needs a good talking to they get it 😂

I’m not absolutely ready to give up @unambiguousbeard but I am being quite fatalistic about my chances based on current form! Not saying that applies to the rest of you though

@bangheadhere40 so Mr Straight took 2 days to contact you with a holding response. And you replied to him straight away?! How did he get his name because I don't think he's being very straight with you. And now you are back in limbo waiting to see if he gets in touch again. @supercali77 is right, it's honestly time to move on. You've had one date. Nothing outside of that is real. I'm sorry if I'm being too blunt.

Yes I so wish I'd been on this thread when I started OLD 2 years ago. Ironic really I only started posting just after I met Mr U and I've not really done any dating since! Such good relationship advice here though too. Plus we know quite a lot about each others histories. I may not post that often but I catch up daily. Always. And I trust the advice of the stern thread ladies! And gents...

Tinder isn't proving to be too bad so far, pretty much the same as other sites. I just find the endless typing so tedious ( she said whilst typing ) How quickly do most of you give out your number ? I have already been asked for it a couple of times.

I know @unambiguousbeard if I took the advice of @saltysally and @supercali77 I'm sure I could have saved myself a lot of heartache.

Ffs. My phone has sent a message saying, "talk later?" to mr deaf who is a RL old old friend who has declared himself to me. We had an unavoidable and brief snog before Xmas but I've made it clear via text and in person that I'm not available. He lives half way across the country. He was over this way at the weekend and is still over keen. So wtf do I say now? My phone sent that not me? Sounds like bullshit but it's true. I only realised as he sent a very keen reply. I'm cringing. It's awful. Bloody matchmaking phone.

Sadly guys I don't have think @bang is really ready to hear us. My guess bang is that you still so want to believe this thing is real and going to happen and that okay. You aren't the first and won't be the last who has been pulled in by some unscrupulous twat. Maybe right now this thing is doing more for you than to you. At some point you'll be ready to let it go. Wish you well.

@Onesmallstep67 tinder is great. My app of choice. Think we're a similar age, let me know if the men of our age are ok in your 'hood cos they're bloody awful in mine

MM just accidentally called me. Haha. It was on WhatsApp too which we don't use which makes it even funnier. He's been ace over something I have on today and tomorrow. ----

Oh @unambiguousbeard that's so funny. Maybe your phone knows Best?! Or reply 'who dis?' 😂

I just bought an epilator. I'd heard they were really painful but if the hair is short it's totally fine. Legs now ready for Friday 😂😍

@unambiguousbeard, I am in a major city so no shortage of guys. I seem to be being shown guys mostly in their early to mid forties, I am 52. Not really looking for someone as young as 42. But don't want to saddle myself with all the old'uns who have clearly slept for 10 years if they think I believe that they are the age they say they are

@notcoolmum that's called life. Hindsight is a wonderful thing and it's always easier to be objective when someone else is in the situation. 🍷

I have been reading all your comments and they all make sense! I do need a stern taking to sometimes so thanks. I'm feeling a lot better now, and completely less bothered about wasting any more energy on the whole pointless debacle.

@Onesmallstep67 I am in the major city. The over 50s are all dire. I have even dated a handful. If only I were ten years younger...