Dating thread 183 - Know your worth, honour your boundaries

[saltysally]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

You have a lot on your plate unambiguous, so if knowing that he is there helps you cope and keep going then it must be the right thing for now. Keep posting.

Thanks @TigerDater my plate is on the verge of overflowing. My health, ailing parents mental health, trying to get DC diagnosed, imminent house move. And divorce! I have no mental/emotional space for anything more currently. And not really any room for anyone to help either. Luckily I've recognised that. Isn't life as a single parent like that though? Don't you just continue balancing shit. I guess other people might have supportive families, kids without issues and no health problems themselves.

Although thinking about it when I was freshly separated 3 years ago and newly dating I didn't have any of those issues. Explains why I had time and energy to enjoy dating!

I have been chatting to this guy (shall call him Mr Ski), we chatted a few weeks ago but he was on holiday skiing so I didn’t bother him, he messaged me yesterday to say he’s back but off abroad next week again, would I like to meet up for coffee and cake when he returns. Anyway he seems nice but he’s obviously middle-upper class business man with lots of money, owns property abroad etc...,

So if you were working class (poor as fuck) like me, would you date someone who was obviously very successful and well off?
I’m worried that he will think I’m rough when he meets me 😂, I live in a council house and am a carer to my dd, I do work but not in a highly skilled job. I’m thinking I might have to brush him off and go for someone a bit less posh 🤔

I’ve just been dumped. Have been seeing him for 5 weeks and initially he was overkeen but he doesn’t see a long term future. We are extremely different in a lot of ways, but I did enjoy my time with him. He was the first person since my separation and he made me feel wanted and valued (my husband had an affair). I feel like shit, I’m 51, and feel no one will want me

So sorry Mylife ,take care of yourself, it’s normal to feel awful after something ends but you will get over it and there are plenty of nice guys out there, I’m sure you will meet that special someone.

@Lovemusic33 I would say go meet him what have you got to lose. Men who fancy you don't care about how much money you've got ! @unambiguousbeard I'm struggling with a lot of the same issues as you atm I would say if this man can add value to your life then let him in, if he detracts from what you already have then keep him out, and I'm not sure if half letting him in as you are proposing is really an option? If it's the age gap that's the issue and you're scared he'll leave you for someone younger don't forget any man of any age can leave at any time that's just the risk you have to take if you want to be with someone. I hope you find the right solution for you soon

@lovemusic yes meet him,he won't be bothered about your finances!

@mylife sorry to hear that...did you see things had changed at all or was is completely out of the blue? I had thos once about that time but was just ghosted....never to he heard from again when I thought things were going well.

Lovemusic,go and enjoy coffee and cake with what seems like a decent bloke. The class system is so blurred these days and you may find you bring something new to his life( I'm sure you said you have a vw) and you never know,you could be skiing next year!

I'm a cleaner and saved for 2yrs to go skiing a few weeks back, January prices are similar to a week in the sun. Not that I do that much either! It's the UK for the next few years.

I'm sorry to read that mylife, it's such a blow when you think all is going ok. I'm hoping he has got your confidence up in the fact there are some good guys out there who made you feel attractive. I'm sure so eone lovely is just around the corner for you.

 @Mylifestartstoday I'm 51 and I often feel similarly. It's crap.

Your right Kerkyra ,he is a older guy and I do seem to attract people like that due to my ‘slightly different’ lifestyle, I just worry as he seems to go all over the world travelling and I travel around in my VW staying on wild camp sites eating cold baked beans 🤣.

@lovemusic don't feel ashamed of who you are and what you have achieved

@Mylifestartstoday sorry to hear you've been dumped. It's never nice but you will be wanted again. Plenty of men out there...

@unambiguousbeard it sounds like you have a lot on and I'm not surprised you want to go back to Mr U and something familiar. I'd just say the things that caused you to end it will still be there so as long as you are aware of that. Sometimes it's hard doing everything by yourself and it's nice to have an escape. And also someone who gives a shit.

Haha,well,you maybe just what he needs after all that world travelling. It could be refreshing for him and a chance to kick off his polished shoes and just chill 😄 I'm a bit free spirit too,happy to sit on a hill with a tin of mackerel and eating with a stick I've found!!
The man I clean for keeps saying he will fix me up with someone in the farming world but they all go to hunt balls and point to points but I would just have no idea. It's just not me.

But if people are saying men dont worry about the woman's finances,then maybe we should just have the confidence and go for it?

I don't think men mind.

It may sound shallow but the last 2 men i lived with I've basically 'kept'...one with the gambling etc, another was just stupid with money.

I don't mind about a man's money as long as they are sensible with what they have. If I ever lived with anyone again though I would prefer an equal.......

Don't think men care though so don't worry @lovemusic.

Quick update, saw Mr Photography this morning and we DTD ! I have the morals of an alley cat. He seems genuinely very nice and it seemed right in the moment. Going to see Mr Smiley tonight though. Trying to stick to the rules and not over invest in anyone as it's all so new.

Mr Dumfries said to let him know when I'm free next weekend, I am free all weekend really. I was going to suggest doing something Saturday day and night,,but is that too much for a second date? Should I suggest afternoon or evening?

@bangheadhere40 depends what you want to do and if you want to see him overnight as well 🤷🏼‍♀️. If you are generally ok for free time I wouldn’t do too much too soon x

I don't want him to stay over just yet....it's such a long drive though.

I don't know, don't want to say I'm free all weekend, take your pick as want to be a little unavailable.

I might say how about Saturday night, or if you fancy doing something earlier first that would be nice first. Also don't want to be rude not asking him to stay, but don't want to yet.

Unless I suggest meeting in middle again so that can't happen

If you’ve got to drive home maybe a later lunch like 3 pm would be good then you can either go home after that or for a few drinks if you get on. Earlier is prob better as gives you more time if that makes sense

@bangheadhere40 I'd offer him one time slot. Or say I could be free anytime on Saturday. What did you have in mind?

@notcool good idea, thanks. It's so hard with old as it might not happen anyway.

I will say checked childcare and free all day Saturday...if that works then does he have anything in mind.

Thanks too @jane...earlier would be better, but want him to take the initiative, hopefully he will.

@Notcoolmum*@unambiguousbeard @bangheadhere40*. I had an inkling because his good morning texts had stopped, and I could see he had read a message but not replied. We were meant to be out tonight but he rang me, so at least he didn’t ghost me. He said that he liked me but we were opposites in a lot of ways (we were), and he couldn’t see where it would go. He doesn’t have children so I don’t think appreciated that I couldn’t stay over, go away etc

unambiguous sorry you have a lot on your plate. I think you just need to do things to make you happy and if that includes Mr U then let him back in.

mylife sorry your feeling crap. Chin up!

lovemusic you don’t have anything to lose by meeting him.

mylife I’m sorry this happened to you, it always hurts even if you know deep down it’s not the wrong thing, if you see what I mean. 51 is no age at all, please don’t even think of writing yourself off. I’m 57 and loving it!

lovemusic I know it’s a cliche but it really is the person inside that matters. I’m ‘posh’, good job etc and it always makes me die a little inside when I realise people might write me off as nasty or shallow or judgy just because of that. Why not give the guy a chance to show you who he really is?

@Mylifestartstoday sorry to hear your news. I'm 52 and I've found it difficult when you still have children around and can't just spontaneously take off for the day or weekend.
But there are men out there who will appreciate that you have responsibilities.

@Lovemusic33 go for it. Mr Ski is obviously interested in you. And having a different lifestyle just means you have more to talk about.

@bangheadhere40 I hope Mr Dumfries comes up with something interesting for your second date. If you don't want him to stay over then make sure you are clear what time you need to get home.

Okay sent a message saying I've checked my schedule and I can be free Saturday any time from 2pm ( lie as free all weekend). If he just says great, or doesn't make plans I'm leaving it!