Dating thread 183 - Know your worth, honour your boundaries

[saltysally]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

so all plans cancelled. no irons. no decent chats. dont know if I can even be bothered to go out in this weather to get ice cream or something to cheer me up!

I need a kick up the bum.

You could sign up for a new dating app @crazycatlady20 for a self esteem boost . The best way to get over one man is to go out and get attention from another and online dating apps are a way of doing that

@stillsexystillsingle I've just went back on them. I'm on 3 and already see the same people on each. no matches chat on tinder, all the wrong ones chat on POF lol

I haven't had a chance to catch up! I've been at a friends tonight and am actually really drunk, back now, but drunk.

@bangheadhere40
I’m drunk too
And snogging like a teen!!

So Mr U. I need to sort of write it down a bit. Maybe a lot! @marlboroughandmalbec you asked what happened. Well we had a conversation 4 months ago which escalated into one about us not having a future (true) and instead of me soothing him and telling him we’d be ok I told him we should split up there and then. And so we did. It involved some weeping and declarations of love on both sides. I backed down but he stuck to it. Lots of stuff about him having no money to take me out, having to move back to Greece as his business was failing, not being able to see me as he needed a second job. In retrospect it sounds like panic. Anyway there has been constant contact since, as I said, every week or so he messages. We’ve met up a few times. I have no interest in a relationship currently with anyone. No way I could have one with other stuff I’ve got going on currently. And I’m ok with that. So last week he asked me to do two jobs for him, asked me to meet in the pub (which I couldn’t) then messaged on Thursday to check I could do a particular hobby today with him. He could do it alone. Anyway we met and it’s like electricity, it’s ridiculous. I have no idea if he feels it but it’s like a light switch for me. My libido is on the floor but when I see him i feel horny. I just want to touch him. And also feel over emotional towards him. I can’t remember feeling this way about anyone. I’m sure I have I just can’t remember. Anyway he checked I don’t have a BF as he always does and we had a mild flirt. After I left him I messaged and suggested we have sex sometime. Which of course he’s up for. I know you’ll all tell me off but I can’t see any other way of getting over him. I don’t want a relationship with him again. He's way too unsuitable, But I do want to know he’s there and have sex with him sometimes. His life seems to be on the up and he’s feeling happier and I assume he misses me. I miss him terribly but not constantly. We have such a connection. Am I daft to think it’ll be ok to be occasional FWB when my feelings are this strong? I don’t care if he’s sleeping with anyone else, it’s irrelevant.

unambiguous you don’t need any of us to tell you this will not end well as you know it yourself, but I’ll say it anyway if it helps you! There’s a strong connection between you and I guess it needs to play itself out, however much your heart gets battered in the process. Just be careful and kind to yourself?

I’ve got Mr GN some nipple clamps and a card with a dog on for Valentine’s 😂

Another lovely video call with Mr Dimples. I could listen to him talk for hours. There is just something about his accent that I can't get enough of. We were going to meet during the day on Sunday but looks like the storm is putting pay to that as he thinks it's too dangerous for me to drive in the wind. It will probably be next weekend we meet.

As for Valentine's Day I will be spending it in front of the TV in my PJs. Then treating myself to roses next Saturday when all the supermarkets sell them off cheaper.

@Stuckinarut79 what an * he is - but as you say, better to find out now than any further down the line. I was on a date with someone recently who said they had read some research that suggested around 1/4 of males on OLD sites are married or have partners which is pretty awful really.

I never even consider the fact that I might be talking to someone who has a boyfriend/husband so I'm guess it isn't as common for women.

@crazycatlady20 sorry to hear you've had a rubbish day. Days like those are good for making you realise there's other things you can do instead of OLD though. And these things seem to work in cycles too, so next week you'll be batting them off with a stick :D

@bangheadhere40 glad to hear you had a good date yesterday! Hopefully you'll get another arranged soon!

I've just got back after my cooking course - I felt quite anxious going, as I'm not really a hugely sociable person and struggle a bit in groups especially if I don't know anyone. But I had a really good time! I learnt a few things, had a great Saturday night out and feel great for pushing my comfort zone.

It was nice also to socialise with people without any thought of it being date related, and I got talking to a group of 4 women at the end which is something I would have struggled to do previously. I'd definitely recommend it!

I really need to pay attention to the rules and not over invest. Especially since we haven't met yet. It looks like I might have plans for Valentine's Day after all. Mr Dimples suggested meeting on Friday without realising the day but wasn't bothered when I said it was Valentine's Day. Talked for nearly 3 hours tonight made up of 2 different video calls

unambiguous it really won't end well , you know that. Be careful x

My Valentines plans are the cinema and lots of sex 😂

@unambiguousbeard were you hurt in the past by him or were you always able to be strong about things. You always sound pretty strong and able to cope with a FWB situation with him and you don't seem interested in meeting anyone else. However if the situation could potentially make you feel low/insecure/depressed because you want more/feel frustrated, then avoid it.

Second date last night with my potential fwb who lives too far away. We went to the cinema near me.
He's nice and respectful. We had a brief kiss when he walked me back to my car. Then he sent me a message when he got home to say he had a lovely evening.
He's already asked if we can meet again next weekend.

But I'm just don't sure I really fancy him.

@shitwithsugaron A present doesn’t have to be romantic, but the I’m confused that a present could be romantic. As long as it’s something he likes then it’s a good gift. I got myself something from Breedwell as MrNNs gift.

@bangheadhere40 I hope you’re not hungover today.

@EchoElephant. To be a friend with benefits you’ve got to fancy them and have a strong sexual attraction. He may end up just being a friend which isn’t a bad thing xx

So my first date with Mr theatre on Tuesday is definitely happening we have a time and a place arranged and he's already talking about a second date at the theatre so we'll see if that happens too he's being very caring and solicitous so far lots of messages and taking an interest in my birthday plans and not wanting me to go out in this storm so all looking good so far

Yes it's very risky. But I don't actually want to spend much time with him really. And I don't want a relationship with him this time. We don't have a future so there's not much point. I was gutted when it ended @Eesha, it completely floored me. But I've since realised I can't have a relationship with anyone currently. And it's a relief that I don't feel obliged to spend all my child-free nights with him. I've got room for my friends and myself now.

I'll just see what happens. I'm not going to contact him or offer dates/times etc. He's already messaged me this morning about something funny. But i in do know it could go horribly wrong. And I am still in love with him. Having said that I've seen Sunshine and Notcool do the same and it worked out really well as in it moved them on. So we'll see.

yay i have an iron Mr Train, swapped numbers all very polite just now. memes. do u just send them? normally guys start it lol. most of mine are a tad rude ☺️. urgh if it scares him off it scares him off lol.

@SimonJT your valentines night out looks great! I might go alone...

I don't understand what a romantic present is either. Surely it's just something thoughtful? I've never really done Valentine's Day. I don't see the point in it.

I met Mr Photography for the first time yesterday afternoon and he was lovely. Quite quirky and definitely sees the world through slightly different glasses. I was on a time constraint but dropped him back to the vicinity of his house and we had a quick snog in the car. He's just asked me to go back today so I am heading off shortly because I have a jam packed day ( but really want to see him). Which leads to dilemmas 2 and 3. I am out this afternoon at my play rehearsals and earlier I agreed to see Mr Smiley this evening ( for the first time ) so dilemma not is do I go ahead and see him ? Because mum guilt is dilemma no 3. I will barely see my DDs today. So wondering if I should try to rearrange this evening for one of the evenings in the week? I know if they had plans they wouldn't worry about leaving me. They are 20 and 15. The 15 yr old would be on her own this evening as the older one has work. And I am only planning on being out a couple of hours tops, local to where we live.

@onesmallstep67 could u ask your 15yo what their plans are? will they just be sitting in their room anyway?

@unambiguousbeard I think it sounds like you could make time for somone if you wanted but that you couldn't continue with this man because there was no future yet still want to slot him in because you miss him. And unlike others, you haven't jumped right back into dating others because no one compares to him. My thoughts are you probably shouldn't go back in this case because nothing will ever change and you genuinely could meet someone else.

Morning all
Checking in from mr boats bed
We got a bit too drunk last night & he couldn’t ‘perform’ which was just mortifying and hideous- especially as it was the first time and I have body issues too..
Have put that to rights this morning & been made a lovely breakfast..
I’m hoping this one lasts.

@onesmall I would go, you never know Mr Smiley could be lovely, kids will be fine.

@unambiguous I hope you are ok, sounds very difficult, especially when you can't switch your feeling off.

@cat glad you have been a bit more forward, and yes tell her you fancy her. I think I have too much time on my hands and may enrol on a course, although I am no good in groups either and prefer 1 to 1!

I'm enjoying reading about everyone's irons, it just shows you how quickly things can change OLD and you really never do know.

I've noticed Mr Dumfries hasn't been on pof since he met me...I don't want to put all my eggs in one basket so soon though, so I presume it's ok for me to have a browse? I don't want to multi date though and like him but we have only met once, and I know fine well how things can go wrong from past experience.