Dating thread 183 - Know your worth, honour your boundaries

[saltysally]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

**

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

It wouldn’t be fair to her to give her any signals that you miss her - you would need to be 100% certain you want to try again

@Freefalling123. My bf never really messages when he has his kids . He would answer a question if I needed him to but we don’t chat.

Yeah I know Menora it's why I posted here just so I could sort of say it out loud I'm off for a beer with a mate shortly who'll give me a shake if it's needed.

What’s happened unambiguous?

freefalling welcome. put your phone away. He is busy as you know. I think when you dtd doesn’t really matter it’s about expectations matching up. He has text already just give him time.

notcool my gut tells me he was scared he was going to lose me. He always said he wasn’t on the market for serious and I’m getting mixed signals. I think he genuinely has feelings for me but I don’t think he wants a committed relationship.

ant go have a beer. What were the reasons for your split? Why didn’t you think it could go the distance?

@Onesmallstep67 Types are odd when you think about it, biologically we should be attracted to someone with complimentary genes. I do have a fairly distinct physical type, white, blue eyes, wavy/curly hair, big lips, not hairy and slim build. I wonder if ‘types’ would be less common if we didn’t cover our pheromones etc.

@mrshappen It depends on what works for you, a small one would be a no go for me.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 Haha me too.

Ah posted too soon, has anyone got any valentine plans? I wouldn’t normally bother but I’ve had my arm twisted so we’re doing the below (in the link) it looks like my worst nightmare so it’s on the agreement that he comes to a rugby match.

www.nhm.ac.uk/events/valentines.html

Hope you’re okay @Ant330, be kind to yourself.

Hi all advice needed please
Mr Spain messaged me over a week ago. We chatted etc and then met last weekend for a drink. It went well and we both agreed to see each other again and had a hug and a quick peck. No snog 😉. He text after and said he enjoyed it and my company lots
I was happy with that. This week I was struck down with a cold etc and he has been consistently messaging me throughout the days asking how I'm feeling etc and that I must get well soon
I'm now better and ready for that date no 2 but there has been no mention

I think I'm going to have to be the one to bring it up? Messages have been slightly flirty and I've so wanted to come back with an even flirtier one but have resisted.

What do we think? He's a lovely grown up man, my age, good body and very caring. Wondering if he's too nice to actually say he now doesn't want to see me again!

Both watching rugby alone now!

Thanks people.

@simonJT - snap. I might see you there, but we'll never know if we did or not :)

It's exactly my kind of thing, so no arm twisting involved.

Thanks Simon 👍
Marls I'll try and write it down later (depends on numbers of beers consumed 😉) but right at this moment none of them seem as important as they did a few days ago 🙄
But I'm also sure this is just influenced by a feeling of loss and loneliness rather than me actually getting passed the issues I had, well that's what I keep telling myself anyway! But I do feel a shit load unhappier now than I did a few days ago I know that.

@SimonJT that looks amazing ! Will be a great night I’m sure

I’m taking my daughter out valentines 😍.

I don’t know if I should buy someone a card after a few months 🤔 but we won’t see each other. I might send one I know his address. Would a man like that or not ? One of the funny ones like thanks for the orgasms or I like banging you 😂😂

@daisymat. Yes just ask him I don’t like waiting for a man lol. He obviously likes you if he’s been messaging and maybe doesn’t want to bother you if you are I’ll.

@Jane that card sounds perfect and yes you should send one!

I’ve sent a slightly Ruder one 😂😂 online so it will just go to his but without my name thou. I keep laughing at the thought of it

Hellooooo
Loo update
Haven’t rtft, sorry
Lots of pubs, wine & stupid amount of snogging

I am fine will update later. Where is @saltysally though? I need to know how her date went!

Good luck @Ant330 of course you feel miserable!

I think it's romantic shitwith booze often gets people in the mood!!

Not a date update as such, but I’m on my way to my cooking course evening - all part of my recent efforts to improve myself and open myself up to meeting women naturally. Plus adding some new recipes to my repertoire

Still feeling rather raw about Miss Confusing. There’s nothing I’d like more than to know she was regretting her decision but I very much doubt she is.

I’ve also got a date arranged for Tuesday - matched recently and had a long chat on the phone earlier in the week. She’s slightly older than me which makes a change, but I really fancy her. We chat a fair bit on WhatsApp and she sent me a pic of her new hairdo earlier - Is it odd to say I fancy her before we meet? Normally I wouldn’t but then I’ve always been too nice and slow at showing what I feel.

@Freefalling123 I read somewhere once the man you should be sleeping with is the one who's sticking around even though you're not sleeping with him I thought that was quite clever advice I've not posted in a while as it's literally taken me days to get to the end of the thread! I have a new iron Mr theatre and it's looking good for an actual in person date which if it happens will be my first one since last summer. He's local and he's the one taking the lead in pushing for an in person date which is what makes me think this one will actually happen it's both of our birthdays this weekend so we have said we should do birthday drinks one day next week so it would be good to do that , I already have plans for birthday celebrations with my daughter, my mum and my friends but it would be nice to celebrate it with a man as well! Also I have had a few Hugh Grant in four weddings moments with Mr pep recently when he sees me he gets really nervous so there's clearly something he wants to say to me so that's a good sign, right? I'm still trying and failing to find the courage to just ask him out myself! We've fancied each other for about a year and a half now! Also last week we were talking relationships at lunchtime at work and I said I would like to meet someone and I was open to being set up and one of the women I work with is now on a matchmaking mission on my behalf so who knows maybe something could come of that too. So I'm feeling pretty positive this week and feeling like there are lots of possibilities for me to explore and see where they might lead

@shitwithsugaron I'd say it's ok. I was thinking whisky for mr builder till he dumped me lol.

feeling rather sorry for myself.

more abusive(nasty name) messages from ex. altho i try to brush them off they do sting a bit, Is that what people actually think of me? surely dating is allowed, I'm a mum not a nun!

not heard from fb iron who was supposed to come round at 4/5. hoping he txtd so I can tell him I'm busy. not that he'll care. dunno why but I really have a thing for him tho he Is sleeping around and not sure hes actually a nice person noe. will try and block and delete him in the morning buy have tried before.

waiting to hear from mr bridge. only started chatting last night and we mentioned cinema etc tonight. text an hour ago to say he was super busy at work but would be home soon.

if nothing comes of that I think I'll need to go buy myself icecream and eat it out the tub with a spoon.

You should be proud of yourself TheCat it's not easy to be motivated when you a struggling with a broken heart.

In time you will realise Miss Confusing did you a huge favour. You will meet someone that is as invested in you, as you are them. And things will be so much easier and fun, not angst-ridden.

I fancied my bf before we met, so yep, I'd say you can

I’ve surprised myself with how emotional I’ve felt today, I’ve actually burst into tears a few times! I’d obviously way broken the over investing rule and don’t have a thick skin, struggling with it’s not my fault bit as well, obviously it’s all him, but my heads gone to wow was I naive, a little flattery from a good looking man and I acted like a fool. What I’m really sad about is that it also feels like it’s contaminated things with mr scenery, I know that’s a sane, sensible, maybe start of something but it’s no where near the excitement and thrill of what mr hot had appear to offer, even though that wasn’t real it’s made me think about what I really really want.

@Stuckinarut79 and @crazycatlady20 hope you're both ok. @Stuckinarut79 you wouldn't be the first to have your head turned by a smooth talker but as you've said yourself you know it's not really real, isn't it great to be old enough and wise enough to know that , instead of getting hurt by these idiots like we used to in our younger days @TheCatWithTheHat of course you should tell her you think she's attractive the only way it could backfire is if you do it disrespectfully and I'm sure you won't do that!

I’ve got Mr M a card that says ‘I licked it, so it’s mine’ but no gift yet but I know he’s got me a gift and he’s taking me to a spa on Tuesday

He’s had his response to his divorce, all pretty amicable she accepted the adultery and he’s paying the costs. They had a little chat about it seems it went ok.

He’s also sent me a text saying he has some scary feelings (about me) which I responded just slow yourself down, don’t need to stress just go with the flow. Seeing him again tomorrow. I have only ever once had this feeling of not keeping our hands off each other and he was a real true love and although we didn’t work out, we are still friends and care about each other so perhaps I need to be a bit more aware. I’ve already noticed I miss him when he isn’t texting me

I hope you are ok @Stuckinarut79 xxx