Dating thread 183 - Know your worth, honour your boundaries

[saltysally]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

I would disagree @bangheadhere40 Because she's been with mr big for a year. They need to try to make a go if it properly or they'll never move on. They need their heads banging together... 😁 they can't keep away from each other but both too scared to commit!

@unambiguous ok I didn't realise that long.

In that case I tend to agree, and need to let it move on ir stop naturally. As you say otherwise it will just carry on and you won't know 🙂

No I didn’t realise it was a year!
I think you need to set yourself some kind of limit, if by X nothing has changed it may be time to consider moving on. You need more and that’s just the way it is

@bangheadhere40

Saw your drinking comment - also depends on whether they drink so much they vom and black out or if they just have a few too many once in a while. If they only drink beer or it’s a bottle or vodka. I’m so wary about the drinking.
I’m also wary about people bad with money - I’ve started bringing that up too 😂

Good luck meeting Mr U unambiguous

@menora same about money, an ex had a huge gambling issue so I've always been wary.

Thanks guys yep a whole year! Thing is unambiguous I am ready to commit I just need him to feel the same!

Ooh marlbs tricky one. I did this with Mr S and B. I went back running to Mr S and the connection I felt with but it wasn't the same and I was starting to see things wouldn't be what I wanted when he abruptly ended it. Again. Mr B had kept in touch and I genuinely missed him during that time. And found myself wanting to reach out to him for support. When really that should have been Mr S. Complicated. Try and listen to your gut and maybe neither of them is right for you?

@stuckinarut what a knob! Why did he just come out with it?

@unambiguousbeard love ur 'hes Scottish' drinking comment lol.

well I have no idea what I'm doing today. still haven't cancelled old iron. been chatting to a new iron mr bridge since last night, maybe cinema tonight with him. he said hed just joined the app yesterday but his account has been deleted today. is that a red flag??

also spoke to someone else who wanted all the details of my childbirth. why are men weird?

I do fancy him, we do have chemistry definitely. I'm not put off as such, just concerned sex might be different! I do like foreplay but there is something about getting a good banging I do enjoy 🤣🤣

notcool did Mr B know you dumped him for Mr S?

crazy I had a guy who wanted the details of me having my ears pierced as a child 🤮

No @Marlboroandmalbec34 he doesn't know that. Tbf i has been clear to him I didn't see him as anything serious but I could see he was feeling differently.

Do you think Big can change. Does he really want a serious committed relationship with you or was he reacting to you moving on? What's your gut say?

Can I join in? Feeling a bit bruised after my first foray into OLD.

Joined Muddy Matches after reading about it in the hairdressers last Saturday morning. Sent some winks and a couple of messages but not a thing back - until sunday night, got a message from someone I had viewed, but didn't wink at or message as he was looking for someone a bit younger! Monday morning we chatted on the phone for 2 hours- was just so easy to chat too, and more after that. Weds met for a coffee and it was the same - and amazing snogging lol.

Saw him last night, ended up in bed, he was going to stay over, then decided to leave. Feel very stupid now - had a text when he got home to say catch up today, but nothing so far, although I know he is with his kids today. Sigh.....note to self, however much the apparently mutual fancying each other is, don't jump into bed too soon.

Do you mean Scottish people drink more or less??? 😅😅

Massive generalisation but ime they can hold their booze.

@crazy that is a red flag about the app deletion. It could be he has joined found someone then quickly deleted as married, or could be ott and over invested before he has met you...both not good.

@bangheadhere40 hmm I dont think he's overinvested. 🤔

I'm Scottish, I'd say I rarely drink only if I'm out or having a wee night in (which wasnt much with ex), prob3/4 times a year at most. I only drink to get drunk, not for the taste. but in the last few months I've never drank so much, sick and everything but would happily go back to nothing for the next few months. ex has alcohol prob but doesnt drinking doesnt really bother me unless they seem dependent on it.

FUcks sake. I'll never ever get over him. It's like a light goes on in me when I see him.

@Freefalling123, sounds familiar, I think we have all been there. Depending on what you are hoping for I have learnt to try to take most experiences for what they are ( aside from anything horrid or unpleasant obviously ) it can be a steep learning curve. Still quite early in the day for him not to have been in touch so just wait and see. It may all be fine but if it isn't then use this as a benchmark for what you are happy with and each time you meet someone new you will feel more comfortable to stick with your own rules for what you do when

Are you ok unambiguous?

Thanks @onesmallstep67 - good advice. Am not going to overthink it, but will learn from it!

@Freefalling123 my advice is never to sleep with someone with expectations there is more to it. Sleep with them if you want to and it feels right. Then there is nothing to regret. He has texted. And you know he's busy today. Put your phone away and busy yourself with something else. I get flooded with sex haze hormones the day after. Tomorrow you will have a clearer head.

Oh @unambiguousbeard hope you are ok. And yes you will get over him. But maybe not if you keep going back. Time to move on?

Are you ok unambiguous? May be time to cut contact completely if it hurts you each time you see him?

Need to drop some stuff off to MissH this weekend, not looking forward to it as I'm seriously doubting my decision atm. Really miss her!

If you are wobbling ant would it not be better to postpone dropping stuff off? Get your head straight?

Probably