Dating thread 183 - Know your worth, honour your boundaries

[saltysally]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

I just got a message from Mr Dumfries confirming for this evening, even though we had confirmed last night and saying he is looking forward to seeing me. I am really curious to see what he is going to be like, as his messages are the politest I have ever had. Interesting! Will hopefully be able to do a loo update.

@onesmallstep - sounds like a fun afternoon!

Hi can I join you ? I’ve been reading for a while as I’ve just tentatively started looking at OLD and had no idea where to start ! I joined Match and have one guy who literally asked me out and gave me his number on the second message ! Is this normal ?? I have no idea if he’s just confident or whether I should steer clear, he’s fairly local and has given me lots of detail about himself....what do you think ?

So looking forward to loo reports from @bang and @salty. @menora all sounds very intense!
Date tomorrow morning with mr hot, I’m so looking forward to it, we’ve spoken a lot on the phone and a lot of texting, I’m doing really badly at not keeping to the rules, but I’m also so sure he’s to good to be true that I am keeping to the rules if that makes sense?! He can’t possibly be all he says he is, but the fantasy he’s projecting, oh boy!

under his approach may not be that common but it doesn’t ring any alarm bells to me. If you hit it off when messaging it would be worth a quick coffee date at least.

Although I have a ‘bf’ now who was a FWB, I wouldn’t do FWB again. It was always in actuality more complicated than FWB because it’s such an ill-defined term. I also wouldn’t multi-date. Basically I was in a massive rush and desperate for sex, so got into way too many scrapes. If/when I go back on the apps I shall be calm and measured. Lol.

Good luck to all those on hot dates over the weekend.
I’m seeing Big tomorrow. We are popping to my local which will be funny as it means he might finally meet some of the people I know. I’m not sure what’s going to happen with us. We like each other, the sex is incredible and we have a great connection but I don’t think he is emotionally available enough to be what I need! We just cannot really see each other more than once a fortnight so even though it’s supposed to be an exclusive relationship I still feel like his FWB.

Bit confused today as I have seen a friend who knows Mr Fact. I really liked Mr Fact (3 dates start of this year) but after Facebook stalking his ex there were some amber flags and then Big threw some emotion at me. The mutual friend had told me Mr Fact is lovely, fun, wonderful and that his ex is a complete nutcase. I’m slightly worried I might have given up a great guy to continue being a fallback girl 🙈 made worse by Mr Fact messaging today to see how I am!

Oh @marlborough, feel for you, tricky decision. Heart vs Head scenario...

Ah Marlbs. You and Big always back off when you get too close. I think you’ll keep to-Ing and fro-Ing indefinitely.

Mr U has asked if we can do something particular tomorrow morning and I’ve said yes. This is the fourth time he’s asked to meet for one reason or another and first time I’ve agreed. I don’t know what he wants or why. I’d say he just wants to be friends but I know he has feelings for me so no idea why he keeps getting in touch. I never initiate messages, never ask to meet. He sometimes asks me to do work things which he’s perfectly capable of doing himself. Tomorrow he could go alone. And it’s not for sex because we couldn’t have sex there. Also I’m pretty sure if either of us had met someone else we wouldn’t meet. It doesn’t really matter as I’m juggling so much currently I’d just like to know why!

Thanks @Notcoolmum that's what I'm trying to do. We had a long chat on the phone yesterday which was perfectly friendly as we calmly talked through what had happened and I explained my reasons. She does tend to have an answer for a lot of it or at least thinks we should have talked things through. But she knows that the similarities to my ex and how that makes me feel she can't do much about, clearly that's my baggage not hers.

No irons yet here. Talking to a lot of men of POF but no numbers exchanged yet. I'm just taking it slowly and having fun talking to people. A question that I keep getting asked a lot is what is my 'type'. I don't think I really have one, yes I have certain qualities I look for and I have dated white, mixed and black men but I don't think I have a certain look that I seek out.

What is everyone's opinion on having a 'type'?

@Dancerinthemoonlight my experience is you may think you have a type then you fall for someone who is definitely not that type.

unambiguous I know we do. I think I’m just frightened. Mr Big makes me feel vulnerable and I hate that! I want to be properly close to him but one or the other of us always pulls back. When we are together it’s wonderful but it’s so long in between. Are you looking forward to seeing Mr U? Any chance of getting back together? I missed the reason it ended but you seemed quite happy with your unsuitable man.

dancer I don’t think I have a type. The guys I gave fallen for have been polar opposites of each other in terms of looks and personality

The arseholes are out in force on POF tonight. Apparently I have a fat and ugly face and need to be put on a treadmill. Also been offered £150 for a night of sex. Block and move on after giving them a piece of my mind

@dancerinthemoonlight wow! I was told off for not talkin g to someone with no pic. when I explained why he said it doesnt matter I'm not interested now 😂

So I’ve arranged a coffee date for next week and he’s dropped off the messages again. It’s a bit like he wanted to firm up the date but save the chatting for when we meet ? Feels a bit weird to me, I’d kind of like to get the conversation going a bit before we meet but it’s like pulling teeth. Don’t know what to do, I’ve been out of the game so long (my last date was in 1998!) I have no idea how this all works !!

I might have just told him that he is a pathetic individual who has to make himself feel better by trying to tear someone down. That I'm far better than he is and he isn't worth my time and energy. Just wish there was a way of reporting on POF. It felt good to tell him what I think of him

dancer POF can be truly astonishing! People’s behaviour are just wrong. If you wouldn’t say it to someone in passing in a bar then don’t say in on POF. This is why I’m not going back into that hellhole ( that and I keep bumping into people that I’ve had brief chats with - one guy has started attending my exercise class FFS)

I’ve developed a type in my old age. I like a big bloke, tall,chunky, beard, northern. Preferably wearing turned up jeans and Dr Martens. And a good smell.

Ooh he sounds just my type @Upyerbum70

Dancer recent experience has shown me I seem to have a type based on personality rather than looks. My friends all took the mickey out of me after they met MissH and said "bloody hell you've got a type haven't you". Seems I may have to try to change that 🙄

I get that. My friend said to me the other day that I obviously have a type because my last few relationships have been with black/mixed race men. Even though she knows I was in an 8 year relationship with a white man and have been on countless dates with men of all colours.

has there been any loo update from @bangheadhere40?

I'm not sure what to do, had arranged to meet up with an old iron tomorrow who was really looking for a fb, which I didnt really want at the time although we did dtd as he wasnt quite honest about what he wanted and I really liked him. but now I'm not sure if I want to. he is seeing a few people I think and usually I wouldnt go there but but thought why not as a one off (tomorrow).

one or 2 on the apps have asked me if I'm free. ahhh decisions.

I always dated black guys in my teens and early 20s because of the social circle I moved in. Then I met and married my late DH and had 20 years with a lovely ( white ) guy. Mr Van was my first black guy again in 25+ years but now I remember why I was so attracted to them. I have been swiping right on lots of black guys on Tinder and have 2 first meets lined up for Saturday and Sunday.

@Dancerinthemoonlight

Yes I keep getting asked by guys
What's your type?

What answer is a red flag from a guys point of view?

I don't have a type!

@Onesmallstep67 I am more attracted to black men but it doesn't mean I'm not attracted to white men. I don't think my friend completely understands it though. I do love a black man with a Caribbean accent.