Dating thread 183 - Know your worth, honour your boundaries

[saltysally]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

I bought a little black skirt and a leopard print top today. Maybe it’s the sun out but I am feeling sexier than I have in a long time!

Ha! Yes it was me @shitwithsugaron.
Keep me updated if you don't mind as still
Wavering! Glad it wasn't too bad x

After my little pity party yesterday, it seems I have a date tomorrow evening.
Actually a second date. I met him for a coffee last weekend but decided he lived too far away. Probably about 45mins on a good day.

But he's just asked if I'm free to meet for dinner tomorrow. He's happy to travel to me. So I thought, why not.
It would only be fwb but that suits me.

@echo - great news, happy for you! Just shows you how quickly things can change on OLD!

That’s great news @Echo!

Have you already discussed what you both want in terms of FWB? I’ve never had that with anyone, and have just assumed everyone is looking for a potential long term relationship, however from my time on here that’s clearly not the case, so I’m curious how people approach it. I think maybe that’s what I need at the moment while I sort my head out after Miss Confusing.

@Sunshineandflipflops regarding the coil, I had a horrible experience years ago, but it was the copper coil. It hurt sooooo much having it put in, and made my periods more painful. If it's the mirena though it may be different, different strokes for different folks!

I've never had FWB either, and assume everyone is looking for LTR, so also interested to hear @echo if this is actually discussed!

@bangheadhere40 I had the copper coil for about 8 years and also experienced awful
Pain having it put in but while it was in it was fine. It's that experience that is putting me off the mirena, along with potential side effects but I am a bit of a worrier!

I would prefer a FWB but I never seem to end up with one

I dont think my brain would be able to deal with FWB. I think I'd still look at it like a relationship.

what is the difference?

I have a FWB plus I think. We met online 7 months ago and got on really well but we both know that it is not going to be a LTR - see one another probably every couple of weeks, dtd and go out to dinner - even went away for a few days last week. We are exclusive but are also looking - if/when one of us meets someone else, we will stop the physical but have hopefully made a real friend for life.

@crazycatlady20 me too! I would look at it like a relationship, and if it wasn't, I would wonder what the point it. I also would develop feelings so wouldn't like it if they found someone else!

and if I didn't have feelings, I wouldn't be able to do the benefit part anyway!

A few on here seemed to have got boyfriends though from FWB so I'm sure it does work :-) good job we are all different....I just never understood what one was!

I’m not sure I could do it either - I tend to get attached pretty quickly too, and I’d worry i was wasting time when I could be looking for Miss Right. But then it would be nice to have some benefits while I’m waiting so I really don’t know!

I think fwb you Still need to have sexual attraction and like them a lot as a person you just sort of agree not to fall in love. Mr g was causal / fwb but that only lasted 2 weeks and now he’s a ‘boyfriend’ no real difference 🤷🏼‍♀️. I would not want to live with a man thou when my daughter is young she’s got to be my priority. Maybe when she’s mid teens and off out and about but we’ve been thru too much to let someone else in physically.

@Jane1978xx That's pretty much how I feel about another man moving in. It's mine and the kids safe place. Plus, I don't want anyone else's name on that mortgage once the ex's name (hopefully) comes off.

with my ex h and other bf before him they always moved in with me in a few months but never again. Maybe years down the line but kids come first now. Can still see someone a good amount of time without living with them I think

I've got quite used to my own space now and think I would feel smothered living with a man again!

@menora you are like catnip to men!! Meeting the parents after a few weeks. Are you ok with that pace?

I was fwb with mr b and then we moved to bf/gf but I'm wondering if we are better suited as fwbs.

@Notcoolmum

I never was before! I think I was all insecure and full of self doubt. When I stopped giving any craps and got more confident I do seem to have a different type of man who tries hard to ‘win’ me over like this

@Notcoolmum

Free roast dinner though... teehee
I’m going over to spend the day in bed with him so I might be hungry after 😂
Then we are going to a spa on Tuesday

@bangheadhere40
@TheCatWithTheHat
We met on Fab and our profiles on there is very similar. For me exclusive FWB is similar to a relationship - you go out, you stay in, you have sex. But without the need to see each other as often as possible. Or daily texting. Or introducing to friends and family.

I've had a fwb before and it worked well as he lived about 10mins away. Ideally for popping round in the evening.
But it was never going to be long term.

It doesn't work if one person becomes attached. But there is always the possibility of it developing into a relationship.

I'll still be swiping on Tinder in the meantime, looking for a 'proper' relationship

I saw my FWB Mr Cocky this afternoon for some much needed sex. We've been seeing each other for nearly 6 years. He has been through a very acrimonious divorce and doesn't want a full time relationship as things are still fragile between him and his DC. We message and whatsapp throughout the week and see each other when we can. But when I have been in a relationship or seeing someone the physical side of things has stopped. Although during rough patches in my last proper relationship I did see Mr Cocky. Something I am not massively proud of because by nature I like to be faithful. I think we both see it as it is, friendship with wonderful physical benefits. It hasn't stopped me seeking a LTR and properly dating other guys at any point.