Dating thread 183 - Know your worth, honour your boundaries

[saltysally]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Jane1978xx @leavebeforethelightscomeon
I was also hacked on POF, the first time I managed to log in and reset my password but 12 hours later it happened again and they change the email associated with my account so I couldn't login, reset or anything!
I eventually managed to contact POF via email and after about 24 hours they deleted my account completely for me .

@dancemom I can't find any email address to contact them on 😫 this is really stressing me out

@leavebeforethelightscomeon I'll check my emails, hold on ....

@LeaveBeforeTheLightsComeOn

[email protected]

Good luck!

bangheadhere40 thank you. I've tried speed dating. It was so stressful! And no one chose me
But I think I was the oldest one there.

Undecidedsofa I agree about it being a numbers game. I just feel like I've been single forever. Last year I only met one person I wanted to meet again. And that was Mr FO which ended badly.

Maybe I'm just too fussy. But I don't want to settle

@dancemom thankyou! I've sent an email- I'm really hoping they sort this. I've got a lot of anxiety around this kind of thing thanks to ex hacking things or setting things up in my name fraudulently.

@echo nothing wrong with fussy, I'm extremely fussy! Better being on your own than with someone you aren't into.

@LeaveBeforeTheLightsComeOn I was majorly stressed too, didn't want links to sex sites being associated to my name 🙈
Hopefully you hear back tomorrow

@EchoElephant
I get how utterly disheartening it is.
I’m sure you’re not too picky though, you’re upholding your standards and values and keeping those boundaries strong..

@dancemom what did POF say? Did they just delete the account immediately?

@leavebeforethelightscomeon

The first time they sent an auto response type thing telling me how to reset my password but I just bombarded them with emails until I got a proper reply and they deleted it straight away

@dancemom it's times like this I wish I was on twitter- messaging them publicly on there might do the trick 😫

@LeaveBeforeTheLightsComeOn

Try setting up a new account with your email address, if it lets you then it's likely POF have already deleted your account due to being hacked and sending out spam

@dancemom thankyou. I might give that a go tomorrow depending on their response.

Sorry @ant330

What would I have wanted from Mr S other than he'd made up his mind and didn't want to talk about it anymore? A sense that I did mean something and he was genuinely sorry to have hurt me. That he didn't expect to end things after getting back with me. And a reason for him now not wanting to be with me. So he didn't see us working long term because of x or he wasn't in the right place because y.

If you can do that then I'd say you can answer questions she has but you can't be the person she relies on for support for this. You care about her but it wouldn't help either of you. And suggest a period of low or no contact.

I've been single 8 years @echoelephant

@EchoElephant
Sorry about your date not working out and all the people locked out of POF
I’m in a right grump tonight I’m not sure why exactly

@EchoElephant i have been single for 2 years now. I probably am a bit picky in who I date too which has meant only 8 dates in 16 months! My male friend also said that men can pick up vibes that I won't be so easy to bed so move on... sigh...

I don't think you should undersell yourself or second guess yourself. You are looking for someone special who will add value to your life. Take time out if you need a break but take heart from the positive stories here.

@EchoElephant sorry to hear your date cancelled - did they suggest a new date? If not, then they weren't worth your time!

OLD can be really hard work and demoralising at times. It's a pure numbers game, and just down to luck. Being fussy is a good thing, and just means when you do meet the right person it will feel so much better knowing you've waited for it.

I've just signed up to speed dating for next weekend, and looking forward to my cooking class this Saturday! I'm doing it just to get out the house and do something for me - not with any expectation of meeting anyone, but you never know!

Hi all.
Can I please ask a question?
Been chatting to a guy since beginning of December. Really nice all normal chat. Finally agreed to meet and we've been on three dates and had a nice kiss goodnight.
Chatting last night and we were talking about plans for our 4th date and eventually sexting happened.

It all seemed fine at the time but I've woken up and feel a bit like a fool, like I've done something I shouldn't have. Im really embarrassed. Yet reading through the messages I started the flirty talk and he repeatedly asked if I was ok.
Is this usual? Is it personal preference?
Does it mean he's only after one thing?
No pics involved btw just words

clovertoast it sounds fine to me, try not to overthink it. The fact he kept checking in that you were ok suggests he’s respectful and not just after one thing. Did you finalise your arrangements for the 4th date?

clovertoast we've all done it so dont worry too much and try not to overthink things.

If you dont like just dont do it again!!!

Hope your 4th date goes well

Thanks for everyone's kind words yesterday.
I've got a busy weekend planned with friends. And I'm trying not to let my lack of messages or matches bother me.

If the right person is out there, then hopefully we'll find each other eventually

I’ve been chatting with someone on WhatsApp, but I think he’s too hot for me (as in looks). Is he just after sex? He’s flirty, goes bit further than flirty but I don’t respond, then back to flirty. I’m too naive, can’t see why he would be interested in me