Dating thread 183 - Know your worth, honour your boundaries

[saltysally]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

I wonder if love starts out like limerance but when it's healthy and reciprocal the obsessive and unhealthy side doesn't take hold. 🤷🏻‍♀️

@bangheadhere @supercali77 I know wht u mean. to make it clear ur looking for a relationship but obv just taking it as it does at the beginning. I felt at first that I caby write fun at first or it would be misconstrued. I think I have something like 'looking for dates and hopefully more' . and then tick the looking for relationship box lol

I was with Mr G for half the time I've been separated from my ex. I only just realised that today.

God I feel like such a bitch for dumping him.

My parents claimed they fell in love at first sight, it was definitely lust/limerance. They married six weeks later and luckily found, on actually getting to know each other properly, that love was indeed there. 57 years of devotion followed. I think it does happen but it’s a process - not love until you know each other really well, but certainly the strong ground for love to grow.

Now I need to google limerance!

I told mr hot he had a window, in my head I had two weeks or so, bit longer if we actually spoke! He only went and phoned, date set for a coffee Saturday morning! I’m still clinging to rules 3 and 4 but I’m really excited! I know he’s hot and that’s actually almost a negative, I’m excited because of his messages and our chat, I’m intrigued by him and there’s a spark, who knows how it’ll go in person!

Now I need to put him so out of my mind so I can have a good evening with mr scenery, I feel really guilty, and will need to sort it out quickly! But I’ve had no conversations about expectations, it’s too early for that and I wouldn’t have an issue if either were doing the same, but someone may need to slap me soon, just not quite yet ok!

I have friends who did similar @tigerdater but they are both sensible enough to realise there was an amount of luck, and also hard work, that has kept them together after a whirlwind start.

I also think it's different to rush into something in your early twenties without the baggage of failed relationships/marriages and children.

You're absolutely right notcoolmum, especially about the 'once bitten, twice shy' angle of being older and more experienced with more responsibility. I can't imagine now getting carried away by using the L word with someone I barely know.

does anyone else find it really hard talking to more than one iron. I always feel really guilty.

I'm talking to 2 that I've spoken to on and off, both say they want to see me again. just feel a bit naughty.

oh and finally someone chatted on tinder. yay! lovely convo then he felt he had to tell me he was really horny tonight 🙄

@crazy that's bad, bin him off. I presume my friday date is off, would have been nice if he had said....it is so rude. I'm ready to give up with the flakiness, what is the point. I'm thinking of doing what @cat said and joining some groups...but that's hard with kids. I'm losing patience with putting time into it and getting nothing back 😅

You can't overinvest too soon, it's a numbers game. Play the game. Talk to more than one at once for sure.

No I've never felt guilty about talking to more than one person. Why would I feel guilty about chatting to a few people I've never met? When it got complicated for me was when dates came together at similar times and whether I should be being physical with more than one person. When I was multi dating one person lived a few hours away and hadn't made any overtones about exclusivity or coming off the apps so I knew I wasn't doing anything wrong, or that he wouldn't also be doing.

I have randomly found a nice new iron! Lives 2 hours away but chat is flowing......again, he may vanish but seems nice. 2 irons now Mr Dumfries and Mr Sheffield. I'm never going to meet anyone near me, just need to find an iron that doesn't mind distance.

@crazycatlady20 I think just see them as potential friends in the beginning and you can chat or see as many or as little as you like . Until you have both decided to be exclusive or sleep together I don't think it matters the only thing for me is gets a bit confusing as to what I have said to who lol but it's ok

@justwondering3696 @notcoolmum I've met both dtd with one and almost with the other have been chatting on and off to both for a while.

one is crap and texting so guess he eont really last.

I'm.not so fussed about the ones I've just started chatting to but once I meet them and think I'll meet again I feel bad about the others.

Is it worth continuing with either of them @crazycatlady if you aren't feeling the urge to be exclusive after having slept with one. What is it you are looking for? I have dated more than one whilst having sex but it didn't really fit comfortably for me. When I'm in the place of wanting to sleep with someone I personally prefer things to be exclusive.

Evening all! Checking into new thread (it moves so fast I think I only manage to post once or twice on each new thread!).

Interesting about when you can feel love. I totally agree with those of you who think love grows when you know someone and we often mistake early lust/limerance for love. Yet I am literally biting my tongue every time I see Mr C to stop myself shouting I FUCKING LOVE YOU SO MUCH in his face 😂 I am absolutely not going to tell him. I've decided I won't tell him first and if he hasn't told me within 6 months of seeing each other (it's been 2 months so far) then I'll consider asking him how he feels and take it from there - I'm not afraid to bin off somebody who doesn't feel as intensely as I do.

Having said that, I can already FEEL that he does feel very strongly for me. So the words don't matter so much.

@notcoolmum I'm the same if I sleep with someone. we were exclusive but it was more FB/FWB and fizzled out.

long term I want an exclusive relationship but I'm wondering if I should just have some fun for a bit. been single 1 year after a 12yr LTR. I tend to get too attached tho so I'm not sure it's a good idea.

I have a date this Friday, not with the original one who flaked but with Mr Dumfries, he asked which makes me feel better! He was the one that something in the pic put me off but I'm overlooking it as seems nice, and is keen!

Aw Ant sorry about you and Miss H. Hope you’re ok. I do remember when you had issues before you said she was handling it similar to your ex.

nomore 3 dates is a stranger. I’m glad you’re having a nice time but try not to over invest.

No such thing as love at first sight. Lust definitely but love comes when you know someone

crazy I bloody hate this messages. Block quickly before he sends you a naked chest shot with his tongue sticking out!

cmalarky hope the date is going well

MarlboroandMalbec 3 dates on their own might be. Over 70 hours of phone and video conversation in addition to those dates... Not so strange any more.

I've also taken advice from @supercalli @notcool and am not asking a man out again. The one I did has vanished! I think you have to let them show their interest, at least in the early stages.... they know what to do, and you can gauge their interest. Thank you ladies.