Dating thread 183 - Know your worth, honour your boundaries

[saltysally]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@RedDiamond just block him, don't bother engaging.

Eek no I would go with block
Anyone who oversteps that much to make you feel uncomfortable is a huge red flag
Who on earth fills out 30 questions! I worry he is just seeing how far he can push you - please do what you feel comfortable with. There are honestly other nicer people out there!

NoMore - do be careful. I totally know how you feel but it can be very intoxicating and lead to you not seeing things clearly. By all means enjoy yourself but keep coming here for reality checks! I need them myself - honestly it’s so easy to find being wrapped in a huge enormous lovely hug is almost better than sex. It’s a mix of hormones

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking It feels absurd because you can't love someone you don't know. You do not know him and he does not know you. Hold onto that, don't get swept away, don't overlook things. Limerance at the beginning where there's lust/projection/excitement etc can overwhelm healthy caution. Particularly off the back of heartbreak (mere months ago). I'm not even going to couch it in good luck. Be cautious

@shitwithsugaron can you let me know what it is please? I am on my work pc and I don't want to google it as not sure what will come up!

I’ve just googled branch of a tree too - but can only find pictures of actual tree branches

I’m scared to google ‘branch of a tree’ - can you enlighten RedDiamond?

In the sexual term it means using a man using his penis to slap you in the face with.

I have blocked him on my phone and I sent a message via the dating site to tell him he was too full on for me and not what I wanted and that I was ending our conversations now. And then I blocked him on the dating site. Phew!

Ah. A strange thing to like in my opinion, but the issue here is some weirdo pushing you way beyond your comfort zone. He almost certainly got a kick out of your discomfort. You’ve done the right thing, wishing you better luck with the next one.

I wouldn't have messaged him at all @RedDiamond / simple block was all that was needed.

@RedDiamond what an absolute moron! I can't imagine any women will respond positively to those types of questions....

And what a nasty thing to be into anyway....what a jumped up chancer!

@kerkyra thanks. I'm in a similar position (DC with ASD). He goes to his Dad's with a bit of persuasion. They get on better now that they aren't living together.

I think it will mean that I don't combine dating and family life for quite a few years yet. But that's fine. I'm enjoying my bubble of fun, child-free time for now.

@Notcoolmum I think I am learning the hard way . If I get another one like that I will simple hang up and block.

Thank you all for the advice and the run, run, runs! I must remember not to be so polite and just block, block, block.

Hopefully I might be back in a while with news of a better match!

@CMalarkey that sounds positive. But have you actually got plans in place now?
I'd leave it with him now. Simply because you say you've always initiated the conversation. I like to know someone is interested and thinking about me.

@Ant330 sorry to hear things didn't work out with Miss H. Hope you're ok about what happened.

@bangheadhere40 it sounds like you are taking more control of the situation of Mr Straight.
Hope you find some new irons soon.
I had a message from someone 4hrs away. He said distance wasn't a problem for him

Yes hes suggested a place and offered to pick me up from a safe place. I don't want him knowing my address just yet which he understands. Is that weird?
I also told him I have a tracker on my phone incase he is a serial killer

@cmalarkey first date I’d always say meet somewhere like a cafe or a busy pub, even picking you up from a public place can be potentially unsafe. Or even if you don’t get on you are relaying on them

I'm not sure I'd be letting him pick me up after meeting only once.
And definitely wouldn't be giving him my address..

Is he going to drop you back at the safe place? Make sure someone knows where you're going.

cmalarkey good idea not letting him know where you live. I for one am very wary about getting in a man’s car until I know him well. Can’t you make your own way there and back?

I usually make my own way to places initially so I can leave if I want to!

What is everyone’s thoughts on the love at first sight thing? Is this just mutual limerence hormones and lust? I’ve never had it happen to me but I am interested as I see on MN people claiming it all the time

@menora I don't believe in it. You can feel a strong attraction and connection to someone. But how many times does that prove to be flawed? Love is knowing someone. And them knowing you. You can't know someone at first sight.

Its our second date but oh you've all worried me now.
He doesn't know my address and is picking me up in a public place nearby but yea I see your point about being stuck there.

I don't drive, so I guess I thought it would be easier.

I have another date lined up for the weekend.
With another 42 yr old
I've met him once before and I know he is only looking for fwb, probably exclusive.
Might need to shave my legs!

Ah second date you’ll be ok sorry 😐

Lust at first site not love as love is so complex

@Menora I think it's lust. Can't be love as you don't know each other.