Possibly the OW

[soapandglory9x]

Met on OLD and have been dating/together for nearly 11 months. I’m 29 and he’s 37.

Spend every other weekend together and he sometimes pops over during the week after work if not to tired or finished late. We live around 100 miles from each other. No kids on either side. I love him and think (?) he feels the same, has told me he does anyway, however I can’t shake this feeling that he may be married or have a partner and kids. Some points:;

⁃ He has no social media, only WhatsApp. I’ve tried searching his full name/nickname on Facebook/instagram to no avail.

• He doesn’t have any kids at 37 (I know not unheard of but he was previously in a relationship for 9 years so seems strange to me?).

• Although he has a good job and earns a decent salary he’s never lived by himself. Currently lives with a friend to save money but I’ve never been aloud in to visit because his friends girlfriend is one of these paranoid/jealous types apparently. I have picked him up from outside the property though when his car was in the garage.

• He comes over every other weekend like clockwork but if I ask to change weekends (because I might of been invited out by friends etc) then he saids he can’t swap them but doesn’t give a reason why. I think this reason worries me the most. He’s not spontaneous at all with plans like most single people are (if that makes sense?).

• He hardly messages during the evening anymore but did in the beginning. He might message me around 5:00pm when leaving work and then I won’t hear anything until the morning when he’s back in. I have brought this issue up before but he’s just used the excuse that he was at a friends house, spending time with family, playing football or fell asleep. Also never calls me but does send voice notes over WhatsApp when he’s home.

After 11 months I’ve still not been inside his home, he always comes here. I’ve met a couple of his friends on nights out but not met his family yet. He’s also sent me pictures/videos of his nieces/nephews with his sister/mum in the background, I did ask who they thought he was sending them to and he said he told them it was to me. Apparently he’s told them all about me. His WhatsApp picture is even of him and his niece. I have also asked him about his feeling towards kids to see if he’d ever want any in the future but he’s never really given a specific answer.

He’s very caring and thoughtful. Always makes me laugh and smile. He also takes me away to lovely places, hotels and for meals out. When he comes down on the weekends he stays from Friday until Sunday afternoon. He’s the perfect man in every sense. I know it might all be innocent but I just can’t shake this feeling. Am I right to be worried?

To be honest even if you’re not the other woman he’s keeping you at arms length and making you paranoid and suspicious. That should be enough for you to end things IMO. He’s made it pretty obvious It’s not going to go anywhere different as you haven’t met his family in almost a year and they are people he spends a lot of time with. If he was distant with his family that might be a different thing.
So, you either accept being the twice a month girlfriend (most likely the other woman) or end it.

Have you seen his driving license or a bank card? Do you know his name is definitely his name?

We live around 100 miles from each other.

Not necessarily a question for the OP but is it normal to have such a wide geographical radius for OLD?

Tbh that would be another red flag for me, I'd be suspicious along with the other info you've give soapandglory9x that he deliberately chose to date you hoping that because you're too far away it lessens the chance of you just dropping by unannounced or bumping into him in the street/restaurant whilst he's out with another woman.

He's wasting your precious time you could be looking for/spending with someone else who wants you to properly be part of his life.

I'm sorry, you deserve so much more than what he's offering

Even if it is innocent what do you want from the relationship? It's not moving forward and do you want an eow bf forever or want more? It doesn't sound like it would progress to more even if your suspicions are unfounded.

How do you know the internal shots of the flat are of the place he is actually living ? I could go to my mates house, take pictures and claim they were taken at my house if you’d never been inside
Exactly.

Going back to his friends GF being jealous...try reversing that and see how it sounds.

OP, if your BF was jealous of a man your friend was in a relationship with, what would you think?

Coz I'd be thinking my BF fancies her... I'd challenge him on it and ask wht he thinks it's any of his business who my friend is going out with.

How old are you? Where is this relationship heading?..and do you actually want it to head anywhere?

OP, you said something about his not registering to vote, or not being on the electoral roll. I personally find that a bit odd. I suspect his friend is covering for him and the reason you've not been in the flat is because it's the friend's flat and he uses that for pick up/drop off. Otherwise he'd invite you in wouldn't he? People do cover for others, certainly when my ex-h was cheating, a couple I thought were good friends and who I loved and trusted were covering entirely for him despite knowing I was at home with a baby. Cunts.

Also, are you sure his surname is not a false one? Can you check that out? Have you googled his full name? I'd also check LinkedIn but definitely set up a fake account to do that...again, ex-h's OW's friend dropped them right in it by looking at my LinkedIn page...that opened a massive can of worms and led me straight to OW. You can find out a lot on those pages.

I'd also second doing a stake out. Trust your instincts, always go with your gut!

Sounds very fishy to me!

What's his job? Is it one he could pass off his weekends spent at yours as work related?

I would not be at all happy being in a relationship where after the first 6 months I hadn't met his family (excepting possibly children from a previous relationship), his friends and made part of his life properly. I'd certainly not tolerate no communication of an evening.

Really you should have sorted this months ago.

Can you start the conversation by saying if he’s serious about you then you want to meet his family or see where he lives? Both very reasonable requests. Saves you out right accusing him of having a secret life if you don’t manage to find any evidence to quiz him on.

Have you been on holiday? I knew someone who managed to blag a week away from his wife and he put total sunblock on every day to make sure he didn't go home with a tan after a 'weeks fishing in April in Ireland '

Sounds very dodgy unfortunately. I think the thing you can aak him about,without ruining things if all else true, is why you've not met his family. They're obviously close and if you're close too then surely you'd meet them? If this is the only thing, it's enough!

Next time you drive over say your bursting for the toilet. He can’t really say no to that

Is he still living with ex. This happens a lot and the non changing weekends would suggest that's his weekend to have the kids.

Have you tried to search his mobile number on fb, if they have added it, it will pull up a profile x

What did he say about kids? Did confidently say he hasn't any?

Are they really pics of his nieces and nephews?

Have tried all the search engines with his WhatsApp picture but nothing has flagged up.
Also looked at some of his friends Facebooks to see if they were friends with him on there but I can't find anything. Tried LinkedIn but again nothing, he's like a ghost!

I think all I can do now is have an honest conversation with him about the issues and see what his reaction is.

OP, are you sure his surname is actually his surname?

Tried his mobile number on Facebook a couple of months ago @Jojowash but again nothing...

I really have no idea @TheFormidableMrsC to be honest. It's his surname on his WhatsApp name but that's it. I've never seen his driving license, bank card or anything as I just never thought to ask to see them. As I don't visit the property I can't even snoop at letters or anything to see what the name is on them! If it's not his surname, I don't even know how I would find out what the real one was?

Next time your with him have a look at his bank card for his name .

God.. it's definitely weird. Really does sound like he's hiding something.

Maybe he lives at home with his mum and is embarrassed.

Have you tried 'I really need the toilet' when you get to his. He couldn't possibly refuse you access in to just use the loo if it's his house too!! Even if he rented a room, you wouldn't be banned going into house. If he refuses then your opportunity to confront him on the matter and tell him it's completely worrying and weird.

I would be very careful if you do find it's been a lie, even if it's because he lives with his mum. If he can lie for that long and straight to your face you'll never trust him ever and you'll know he is capable of a lie.

Get a friend to search FB for you, he may have blocked you - so you cannot see his profile...

My ex passed our son off as his nephew to the OW.

@soapandglory9x It's odd that after nearly a year you've not seen anything with his surname on. I am very very suspicious though and trust nobody after my experiences. It's strange that there is no trace of this man on the electoral roll and absolutely nothing on SM. I know there are people that don't use it, probably many, but it's unusual for somebody to leave not a trace, anywhere at all. You could try putting him name in Google followed by LinkedIn, that will usually bring things up. I suppose that also depends on his profession I guess.

@MyLamaDontLikeYou

God yeah! Of course!! You'd never see him or anything he's tagged in

If you know this little about him after 11 months and doubt you even know his real name then you should end it no matter what he says when you question him because you will never be sure and will always doubt his honesty.

Ooh yes, that's a good idea by @MyLamaDontLikeYou. If you want to PM me, I'll do it. I love a bit of investigating

You've been very naive OP. And it's quite immature to say you love someone that you barely really know.

I bet the place is a cover and his friend's girlfriend has said she refuses to cover for him.

Trust your instinct and get rid.