Some Friendly Words - Support Group

[ASmallBoxofChocolateBunnies]

Hello, I thought I'd get us started in our new place.

Kind of imagining it full of comfy chairs and sofas, with hot cups of tea an hand along with a well-stocked bar.

Welcome all xx

@Bigpooh13 you can't really have mediation on your own as it's about the two of you coming to an agreement - and he can't be doing that alone! As @thrivingnotjustsurviving says you'd get some documents before any sessions to sign to say you agree to the process etc. So sounds like he thinks you're arranging it?! Have you discussed with your solicitor? Maybe they can recommend someone. Then the mediator would get in touch with both of you with the various agreement / info forms you need for the first meeting.

@Accidentalaccountant just 🤮 isn't it? Sorry you're in the same crappy boat.

@Bigpooh13 sorry I didn't mean that to sound like I thought you should be arranging it - but he's clearly an idiot so it might be most expedient for you to sort it out! What a 👜🔥🐕💩.

@Accidentalaccountant it's just depressing how they all follow the same script isn't it. And yet I'm sure each of them think they've reinvented the meaning of love when they fuck around with someone new. Certainly the impression I'm getting at the moment

@Bigpooh13 it sounds like he has an initial appointment booked perhaps but has misunderstood it's only for himself. You should get an invitation letter after he's had his appointment. If he has one anyway.

@Feckthisshit2020 definitely the hardest day when you tell the children. I'll never forget it. But don't think too hard about what he said. He's an arse and behaving like that when the focus should have been on the children just shows what an arse he is. Be strong. Tomorrow is another day. KOKO is a great MN phrase - keep on keeping on. It's all we can do while they scoot off I to the distance

Hi all. Welcome newbies .
Still here reading and sending love.
Things are still tricky we started to try again but I cannot get past things. It is heartbreaking. I am broken all over again.
I am sending lots of strength to you all.
I stopped the hypno and it clearly helped as I spiralled out of control.
More weight has gone.

Xxx

Oh @tinydancer I'm so sorry. Hugs.
So what's happening now.

Thanks for the answers on mediation thing. Knob head . Well OW the heap , Princezz Fiona must be damaging his eyesight as he didnt wear glasses when he left . 🤪

So sorry accidentalaccountant. I'm sure there is class they take on how to change into a wankbadges in 3 easy steps.

Funny !!!! She will probably break them from her own awful reflection. Sorry not sorry. I used to be nice now I am just a 😓😣 bitch.
No idea back to def not being together ! because this stupid women will not back off and I went batshit crazy at him . Which to be fair he cannot control her. She is vile.
It is so sad she is that desperate for attention she craves it from somone who ia trying to save their marriage.

I had decorum before now I am an unhinged mad women. At least my mad rant was only at him and I spared my dignity to not even acknowledge her sad acts of attention seeking.

Jesus where do they breed this type of women ???

Is *

@tinydancer. Love your rage . What a pathetic creature she is. So shite for you. Your not a bitch just hurting so bad you have been betrayed.

. I avoid Shrek never want to see her again saw her enough threatening me in front of the kids when she was taking us to court for more maintenance and shite.

If I did see her I would probably bawl my eyes out in anger and left rip at her. She does need to know a few things. But i said i wouldn't say anything to her n let them fuck up their relationship on their own.

A creature she is . This is what I must console myself with.
My anger will no doubt merge into all the tears again and deep distress . I am pretty sure the rage nailed the last nail.... so to say. However her feeling so comfortable to approach him speaks volumes.

Sadly red wine and her pathetic needyness caused me to combust second time in 4 weeks. It cannot go on. I cannot live this way.

You are right to stay calm . I will never allow this creature see my anger. Nor should you. You are worth so much more !! Threatning you sad women they really are pathetic.

Do these OW never think how easily the men have left years of relationship to be with them how simple it will be for them to move on to the next trinket that takes their fancy! I can’t believe the lack of respect and dignity the OW on this thread have.
Anyway I have had the longest day and childless evening so sleep well dear warrior women x

Against all advice, I messaged the OW. It told me she didn't feel in the wrong, he'd told her we led separate lives and she saw no issue with dubious things she did to conceal their relationship (even though she was 'doing nothing wrong'). The irony! Also I felt she was cheap and chavy (and a bit thick)which made me feel better! Felt suddenly low today. Why does that happen when you least expect it? I need to write everything down as still prone to over analysise events for meaning etc. Here's to a restful night's sleep for everyone. Some serious problems and stages on here. Tomorrow try to do something for your peace of mind😚

Hi everyone. I’ve been to Tesco and managed to find some toilet rolls. Today is a good day!! Has the world gone completely mad or are we living in a parallel universe.

@Accidentalaccountant

Welcome, but as always sorry that you are joining the elite squad of suede suit wearing Warrior Women. They are cliches. This is how I choose to think of him. A bit ‘jumpers for goalposts’, ‘a game of two halves’ kind of a cliche. Boring.

@caketimeisover you are our mediation expert having survived the ordeal which I am about to start. How did you find a mediator? And, the dreaded question, how much did it cost?

@thrivingnotjustsurviving it sounds like you’ve been through the process too. Any advice will be very welcome.

@Feckthisshit2020, you’ve been so brave. Are you OK? Much love to you. xx

@Startoftheyear2020

That’s good advice to Feck. Don’t take what he says seriously because you know he’s an idiot. He does not know how to behave properly. He is a bad role model.

@Tinydancer123, welcome back and sorry that things haven’t worked out so well. If you lose any more weight you will have to rename yourself Tinierdancer. You are certainly not a bitch. You are a professional woman and mother. OW get the respect they deserve. You are not an unhinged mad woman either. It’s difficult and tempting to fight back, but more satisfying in the long run not to do so. Direct all that energy at investing in yourself. It will pay off in the long run. And get back to the hypnotherapy! Take care of yourself. Remember they are the lower elements. 🤗

@Bigpooh13, well that explains why he’s back with the ex. His eyesight’s gone. He is in the fog, confused, and not very bright. Why is he asking you what’s happening? It’s not your job to administer his life any more. You are Bigpooh, not a wife appliance, and you are Mighty.xx

@Emmerdaledramaqueen, I like the idea of, whenever they have a row which will happen often, he will say (I know this to be true), ‘look what I gave up for you’ and I won’t care. These OW are very vulnerable to being cheated on and dumped and they know that. And the men are not such a great prize either. Sleep well, you’ve earned it.

@Filly2011, hope you are ok.

Love to all. Tomorrow is another day. xx

Morning Warriors. How’s everyone doing? I hope you all slept well and have lots of ideas to stop/delay the Sunday slump. I’d be interested to hear what they are. Prevention is better than cure.

I’ve been for a run, had a healthy breakfast, put some washing on, and checked in here. I’ve got work to do this morning. Then should be going to a small birthday party this afternoon. I’ve got a busy week coming, and want to prepare properly for a change. I’m going to spend an hour doing some divorce work too. I can manage an hour at a time. Eating the elephant in small mouthfuls.

@Feckthisshit2020, please let us know how you’re doing. We are worried about you and hope that you have lots of real life support.

I read chumplady this morning for a pick me up. Just to get me going. CL and the commentators are inspiring.

Have a good day, or as good as can be expected day, stay strong and battle on.

Much love xx

@SuperbMonkey I've got knowledge from working in that industry rather than personal experience so happy to give out advice as I can

I had a shit day yesterday, but amazingly a good nights sleep so I've been for a shit run which felt great despite the shitness, have done some necessary and remedial stretches and am prepped for some fun activities today.

Getting outside in nature one way or another is absolutely essential for my self care and I highly recommend it to anyone struggling, especially now there is so much promise of spring around now.

Oh and I changed my husband's contact details to some choice swears to remind me that he's a lying arsehole now in case I think I'm contacting/being contacted by the man I married.

Morning to you all.

I too changed my hubby's contact details to RAH runaway husband . Should have been dickhead.

I'm gonna play in the garden just to get me out there in the sunshine.

@thrivingnotjustsurviving, thanks for that steer. Would you mind if I sent you a PM if I need a bit more help? A shit run is better than no run. Mine gets less shit the longer I run (endorphins kicking in presumably). I’m a convert to yoga too. It’s wonderful, whether in a group or alone. A couple of good ideas there too, especially for a sunny Sunday. Thanks.

@Bigpooh13

Morning. And another good tip. I’m going to build in some garden time later.

A couple of other ideas: confronting a fear in a small way; an amazing book; a lovely cup of tea or coffee.

Love to all. xx

@SuperbMonkey pm me anytime, but tell me on here you've done so as it doesn't show up on the app.

I used to be a proper runner and general all round fitness type including yoga, I've had some major physical issues which meant I had to stop everything and now I'm attempting to rebuild. Much like the rest of my life at this point! The concept of not looking back to what I had was a very difficult obstacle mentally but that mental shift was very good practice for the mental shift of moving on from a lying life partner as it turns out.

Mindfulness and meditation have been very important parts of working on that mental shift too, so would definitely recommend getting into that for anyone on this thread. It's incredibly hard when you're in a lot of emotional pain but it's so important for helping us process that pain. Basically you can't avoid it so meditation (and exercise/nature which help me process too) is an aid to doing it on your own terms. Journaling can really help too, especially if stuff comes up during your thinking time (I've furiously journaled during insomniac night hours too - it settles the spiralling thoughts). Short term pain but long term wellness to be gained from it all.

@Bigpooh13 yeah, I recommend something a bit more punchy that makes you laugh when you see it, I'm hoping it'll take the sting out of any necessary contact.

I have signed up for a guided ramble this afternoon while dds away, hoping it might lead to meeting new people as I am painfully aware how narrow I have allowed my circle to become. Fresh air and exercise always do me good, and kudos to you running ladies I have always been a much better walker!
Would also second mindfulness and journaling but to be honest I use mine more to get rid of negative thoughts rather than any productive writing at the moment.
@Bigpooh13 you have reminded me I really need to think about learning to use the lawnmower!

Hello wonderful Warriors, old and new. Today is lovely and sunny, which I am appreciating from indoors, as it is also very cold! I am not naturally an outdoor person, but so many of you have inspired me to seek some fresh air and exercise. That won't be today, but my conscience is clear as next weekend I will be with friends by the seaside, with lots of bracing walks planned. Go me.

I am sorry I have been very rubbish at posting and offering more than fleeting support. I come on and read and absorb as there is so much wonderful encouragement and positivity, but I don't seem to have words at the moment, and you are all so inspiring.

I do want to send out Warrior strength and hugs and love and support in the face of the ever-present wankbadger onslaught.

I am still doing and getting on (amazingly cathartic clearing today) but am emotionally and mentally very slumped and empty.

@SuperbMonkey, you should start the next thread - you have been so constant and loving and kind I think you deserve it far more than me.

Much love to you all xx

Thrivingnotsurviving.

Thank you for your help. I'm too rebuilding after my injury. Physio has said I can do a bit more but I'm currently overdoing it. Baff. Have to noone else is going to do stuff for me. I was very fit and physical so find it quite debilitating as well dealing with everything else the tosser has done to me. Hey I've found my name change for him.

I think the new page should say suberb init as she is an inspiration.

Wow, this thread moves so fast...well done to all of you warrior women for keeping on keeping on. Every day you get through is another day you have survived the pain and moved closer to your new and better life - which will be delightfully wankbadger free (or at least low contact with them for those of us having to endure co-parenting)!! ⭐️

It's been 6 months for me now and it is getting easier overall but still slumps here and there. I started my new job this week so I've not really had the time or energy to think about H much, which is good! I'm meeting new people and have new challenges ahead to focus on. I still feel strange, it's like an out of body experience...my identity is lost but I hope I start to find it again soon and maybe one day I will start to feel like me again. Thanks for asking after me @SuperbMonkey it's hard work starting a new job isn't it, I've not done any "work" yet it's just meeting people, inductions, reading etc - I am exhausted!! But I hope in a few weeks I will start feeling more at home and settled 🙂

I ran 10km with a local running group today which I'm very pleased about! I chatted with new people and had a good time. So, today is already a good day!

I now need to do jobs and prepare for the week ahead - not keen on going into the supermarket (will there be anything left after the panic buyers have been?!) but it needs to be done!

Sending love to everyone on the thread especially @ASmallBoxofChocolateBunnies - don't worry you are not responsible for this thread we are all trying to share and support each other. It's good you are taking comfort from reading it when you can - as am I. Thank you to everyone contributing as and when they can particularly @SuperbMonkey, I don't know how you manage to give so much on this thread but it is lovely that you do. Don't burn yourself out though, you need support and energy for RL too xx