Some Friendly Words - Support Group

[ASmallBoxofChocolateBunnies]

Hello, I thought I'd get us started in our new place.

Kind of imagining it full of comfy chairs and sofas, with hot cups of tea an hand along with a well-stocked bar.

Welcome all xx

@Bigpooh13 reading your previous post don’t beat yourself up telling him you miss him. At least your honest. I hope you feel a little better than earlier. Men pfft don’t know how they sleep at night knowing the hurt they have caused to their families.. Tomorrow a new day hoping it will be a bit better than today for us x

Morning everyone. Here’s to a better day today. Lots of moving forward with what we have to deal with so we can look back and say ‘I did this today, that’s good’.

@thegrassisgreenernow, your story made me 🤭. Not very calming if the house burns down! Glad you’re ok.

Xxxx

How good it is to find you all here in the morning encouraging
determined strong independent women.
Since first posting I can not tell you how all of you have helped me I am very much alone but on here I feel part of you all and that fills me with hope of making it through each day we all have our individual journeys to walk yet on here we are as one
Thank you so very much to each and every one of you for being
the special women that these disgusting lying excuses for men
do not deserve and never did.
Love to you all for a really good day !

@simply4help, you are part of the strong warrior tribe. I’m pleased that you are finding comfort from the thread. Have an excellent day.

I have put my CBT into practice and set 3 goals for the next couple of weeks. If I achieve them it will be a small step forward. Fingers crossed 🤞.

Hope everyone is having a decent day. xx

Well , today has shown me that just when I felt I could deal with his deceit, another blow. He left his phone at home and of course , I go through it, although I have already done a good look.So , come across a site dated Sept.2018 that is for people looking for casual sex. Nine days before my birthday, trip to Italy , 29th wedding anniversary. You couldn't make it up.
So any "softer " feelings I have had have now turned agains to disgust and hate again. He better watch out tonight!!
And I was just about to sign off from counselling . Fuck My Life.And fuck him.

@Stillfunny, that’s horrible. Another kick on top of what you have already found out. I can understand why you feel as you do. There’s nothing positive to say about this, is there? You sound so strong even if you don’t feel it. It’s probably best to stay away from the softer feelings for now. and sending you virtual support.

Had a meltdown rang husband begging him to come back to me. He said No he’s done with our marriage. Really don’t think I can get through this.. somebody pls help

@Debis, you can get through this. It is still very new for you, and raw. What triggered you to call him? You would have been thinking a thought, or feeling an emotion, or doing something that reminded you of him. If you can identify what feeling triggered the call you can watch out for it in future. Make a list of 3 things you can do instead next time you have that feeling. When you feel down do one of those things. Have you got people you can call or message or see in real life? That will make a difference. Can you go for a walk, to the cinema, to yoga with your daughter. I understand that these ideas seem a very poor replacement for your husband. They are reliable and he isn’t.

You are grieving and are at the denial stage. Look up the stages of grief online to see what you can expect to feel. Have you spoken to your doctor? Are you eating, sleeping? Is there a Freedom Project programme near you? Even if your marriage doesn’t fit an abuse pattern, you will learn a lot just by being with other women in difficult circumstances. Your husband did hit you so you may find the programme very helpful.

I feel your despair and fear, but remember you have to show your daughter how to deal with this situation. You are her role model.

Stay as strong as you can. Someone on Mumsnet suggested thinking of your favourite dessert whenever you think of him. Try a few online meditations to see if they help you. Don’t dwell on why he did what he did. Focus on you and the future, which will be better than you think.

I can’t remember what work you do or you might be a SAHM to a younger child (sorry it’s a long thread). Can you get any comfort from work or finding a job (I know it’s not easy)?

and hugs xx

@Debis just been re-reading the thread and on top of being an utter ass your ex beat you up. What would your advice be to a friend or you daughter of this was happening to them? Get rid. He's a shit. I only wish you'd called the police on him. How dare he touch you in anger. How dare he treat you like this. Find your rage. Fuck him. Go as no contact as you can. He doesn't get to see how you're feeling, he probably is power tripping on making you feel like crap and watching you do the pick me dance - cut him out. He's a massive horrible selfish wanker and you deserve so much better.

@Debis, what @caketimeisover said in many fewer words and with much more impact.

Was feeling overwhelmed and missing him.. I want to be angry and hate him I just can’t I miss him and would do anything at this moment to have him with me again. He was so matter of fact and cold When I rang him just said no I’m done it’s over. It’s tearing me apart I don’t know how I can carry on. I’m no good to my daughter like this I just want to curl up and give up. I can’t eat sleep and I went back to work yesterday after 2 weeks off and today just crumbled at work and had to leave. I’m a mess just can’t cope anymore. I’ve come to my mums

@Debis, how you feel is normal. It’s good that you’ve gone to your Mum’s for support. At least she’s nearby. And at least you made it into work for some time today. That’s good. We’ve all felt like you do and some of us still do. Let the sadness wave over you. It will pass. I promise! xx

I hope so.. never felt so low feels like 1 step forward then 5 back xx

OhDebis I feel so sorry to hear your distress. It is so awful when your heart is deceiving you against your own logical mind.You KNOW that he is a shit that doesn't deserve you, you KNOW he is untrustworthy but it will take some time to reconcile this reality . The man you loved and miss is not who you thought he was .
Take all the support you can get from your Mum. She is someone who truly loves you and has your best interests at heart.

@Debis you are stronger than this.
You are a role model for your daughter.
Focus on life with her.

I understand , I have and am going through the same . I will not allow him to destroy me my children need me.

This evening we crafted and read. We are going to decorate rooms at weekend.

X

@StillbreathingStillhere, thank you for joining us to pass on your experience. I hope that none of us has to go through what you went through. I’m so glad that you were cared for and are emerging like a butterfly from the other side. Some of us have a different experience. We were left without warning, treated appallingly and then discovered another woman on the scene. It’s interesting to read that the experience can be similar even after you had made the decision to end the marriage. I struggle with loneliness because together we had a very full and fulfilling life and many mutual friends. He is doing his best to destroy those friendships. I often think that he wants to destroy me too. His rewriting of our terrible marriage is horrific but justifies his affair in his mind. think @Debis might feel like this too right now.

Thank you for sharing and giving us hope.

@Tinydancer123, you and your DC remain inspirational.

Sleep well everyone. xx

@hi everyone been asleep so tired and got terrible anxiety. My daughter and to see me at my mums and I feel terrible that I am letting her see me in this state. Feel sick and want to get through this ASAP cause it’s awful. Everyone says it will take time I just can’t see my end to this at the moment and hard to see my future without him in it. I need to try and think a different way about all this but can’t think straight. Please any help appreciated at this point. I feel like I’m so far behind all you ladies and so weak and pathetic. x

Sorry you are suffering @Debis we have all felt that pain it's just some of us are literally further head of you in terms of the time since our breakups and the old cliche that time is a healer is true. You WILL get through this, it WILL get better and you WILL be ok (it's just so hard to believe it but have faith). Look after yourself - sleep, eat, just put one foot in front of the other x

I hope you don't mind me joining ladies. I'm 4 months alone after H moved out, together 30 years. No concrete evidence of an affair but all the behaviours there. I do believe if not an actual affair he was in love with a work friend.
Thought I was doing okay but seem to have hit a wall. I'm tearful all the time and just feel so lost. I'm ashamed to say DD caught me crying in the toilet last night after my guard slipped. Gives me a little comfort that others have been here and things are getting better little by little.
Trying to keep working as my diversion however it all feels too much right now. Sorry starting to ramble, due to have first counselling appointment Monday so hoping to make progress from there.

@Emmerdaledramaqueen, welcome but so sorry that you find yourself here. 4 months in is a really short time. Just coping with the behaviours can be hard. You will see from reading the thread that we all have good and bad hours, even minutes, within days. It won’t harm your DD to see you crying. She needs to know that it’s normal to feel strong emotions when this happens. You don’t have to be perfect. Counselling will help.

@Debis, how are you this morning? I hope you got a good night’s sleep.

Have a decent day, everyone. Sending love to all of us struggling with our emotions xx

@SuperbMonkey Every time I read something else you have written
I find it is so similar to my situation
The way my H has been acting appears like he wants to destroy me too
I sometimes think he will stop at nothing to do so.
Question is WHY? he was the one with the bad behaviour all through our marriage he also has turned many people against me but this does not bother me as much as at first I just hope one day they will see through him.
Yesterday was horrendous I am so very lonely the carer never turned up which threw me into an over anxious state a few tablets to help
I do feel that I'm really only getting by from day to day with nothing ahead my position can't change that much & I still wish I could be out of it all
Crying continuously more scared by my lonely existence it's hard to believe my life used to be so much more calmer & I do keep asking myself how on earth did I get here.
xxx

Hi going to doctor today think I need some counselling to help me. Just feel sad and empty i know he will not come back to me and I should not want him back after everything he has done. Laid in bed with a brew no motivation at all. Feeling really anxious

Seeing your GP is a very good idea @Debis I hope you have a caring GP. Counselling is a good idea too - I had 6 free sessions through the NHS which I found helpful. You can ask your GP to refer you or you might be able to self-refer. Talk to your friends and family as much as you can in real life, it helps to get talk it through and be hugged by people that love you

I feel so low and he has made me feel worthless and blames me for a crap marriage and making him feel bad. I hold my hands up I wasn’t perfect but he seems to think he was and it’s all my fault in his eyes. He said he will not apologise for hitting me even that was my fault he did it.