19 years lost to a 29 year old

[BrighterShades]

Straight away - sorry to be a burden and despite never really using this message forum, want to now use it for support. But..... really would appreciate some advice.

Would really appreciate some advice/info from those with previous experience. V. briefly my husband and partner of 19 yrs has recently left me (2 kids, 7 & 9). Repeatedly said he 'just didn't love me'. Guess what ladies - no surprise coming here, but 3 weeks after he moved out, myself and the children found his 29 yr old girlfriend in his flat.

Obviously devastating for us. The children will never forget this.

I thought we were having a bad patch, but not this bad. But maybe, on reflection, without knowing about the 'girlfriend' did think a bit of time apart might be the best thing.

Anyway, what I really need to know about is what does child maintenance actually consist of? Our situation averages out per week as 4 nights with me, 3 nights with him. But I also pick up from school every night (& look after) and will also be looking after in school hols, as I work term time.

Based on his income of 20k a year he needs to pay 146 pounds a month - but surely this doesn't mean that this is his whole contribution to all clothes, food, house, bills etc... or does it?

I'm not trying to screw (the cheating bastard) him, but also want to make sure I get what I'm entitled to. Before the kids I had a better paid job. Did the usual Mum thing and lost her career etc...

What are other people's experiences?

Thanks in advance for anyone who replies.

The school pick up on his days and covering his share of holidays during the day is unpaid labour. If it were me I'd get a job sharpish if poss and make the point that either he pays half for childcare on his nights for pick up and half the holidays he covers or else he needs to pay additional (voluntary) costs to you.

@BlokeTarget.
Your being very argumentative and I didn't say anything of the sort. But I think he should pay more than £146. They should do 50 50 and as I have said I'm entitled to my opinion. That is what this is for. It's not for people like you to be just replying to just one person and digging them out.

Hi, i‘m a bit late back to this. Thanks for all your advise & replies (hell, I can see how this could be addictive)!

Just to clarify a couple of things. I do already have a job. It’s part time & I work hours so I can look after the children. I’ve also applied for universal credit (& now get it), we did receive a small amount of tax credits before, but once he moved out that is classed as a ‘significant change in circumstances’ so tax credits ended and I applied for UC.

Despite my sadness, anger & frustration about my husband leaving (& the 29 yr old girlfriend) I understand that relationships break up. I’m just devastated and wanted some people’s opinions on the maintenance situation. Really sorry if I’ve inadvertently upset anyone.

Oh sorry - and also it’s not 50/50 childcare. It’s probably 60/40 in terms of nights, but I do all the picking up & days in the holidays

He should be paying you for all the days over and above 50-50 when you are taking care of the children.

50/50 is only based on overnights. Days doesn't come into it.

Legally a contact day is based on overnight stays, which is what will screw the OP who is providing daytime care to allow her Ex to have the children overnight. This is what makes this unfair. The Ex is not taking on the full burden of parenting on his contact time and he is also not paying the full requirement of CM given the parenting work the OP is doing.

You have to stop enabling him to screw you over OP.

Child Maintenance is a fucker. The resident parent ALWAYS loses out.