Sex talk - is this normal?

[Bluegreenandyellow]

I feel like these things aren’t normal but I’m struggling to frame them. Dh doesn’t shout or anything, I think he might think this is meant to be attractive? It doesn’t feel it and I don’t like it.

Tells me if I walk around wearing x I will get it whether I want it or not.
Calls me his ‘sexy piece of ass’ as in he will say ‘whose sexy piece of ass is this? It’s mine’
Asks when he will ‘gets a go on his sexy piece of ass’
Says things like ‘I want to knock the back out of you.’ And ‘get your knickers off and go and lie and think of England for three minutes.’
Bought me some chocolate and when I thanked him said ‘got to have your eyes on the prize.’
Says things such as ‘it’s my marital rights to have sex on tap’

He’s never forced me or anything. He has sulked so that I’ve given in though.

He makes comments quite frequently about killing me / another man if i left him and met someone else or if I cheated on him. But it’s said jokingly. He also says I’m never allowed to leave him and puts his arms around me and says ‘this I the ring of steel I’ve got you in.’

None of it is said in an abusive way or anything but I frequently feel like an object rather than anything else. Are these normal jokes? I don’t know.

Not normal, but worryingly unpleasant. I can't imagine anyone feeling safe around such a man.

Yuck. Are you sure you're not married to my exh. It's degrading and abusive. Have you told him to stop?

It seems like he gets off on playing the Alpha male and is using you to back up his fantasies. It’s upsetting you so it’s not right.Time to move on before he gets even more angry.

This is awful, utterly disrespective and rather chilling frankly... he thinks he owns you...

*disrespectful i mean.
You dont have children?

How long have you been with him and why are you with him?

This is exactly what I wanted to ask.
Also to say, if you can't express your wish not to be addressed that way, if he punishes you with mood/sulk or something, that's not good.
I couldnt live with that OP. Hope youre ok x

Calls me his ‘sexy piece of ass’ as in he will say ‘whose sexy piece of ass is this? It’s mine’

Asks when he will ‘gets a go on his sexy piece of ass’

Maybe just said as a joke?, and meant as that maybe.

But the rest of it is very naff, nasty and suspect:(

Did he talk to you like this pre marriage?
It sounds absolutely disgusting.
Agree with PPs, this is bordering on abuse.
He does not ‘own’ you.

Why are you questioning his actions all of a sudden?

Is this wanker trying to be the Aldi version of Christian Grey or something and it’s going revolting wrong? If he’s not and he really means this stuff then pack your bags immediately

It sounds like he's quite a dominent person and wants you to be submissive.

If he's nice, caring, supportive, loving in other marital aspects then it sounds like a fetish.

If not, then it's not good news.

He is abusive, sorry. Have a read of 'living with the dominator' or please access the freedom programme, it will give you great insight into what is abusive behaviour.

OP, there's nothing normal about his behaviour, this is coercive control and it is illegal.

My ex used to insist I sleep nude. He was an abuser, jealous in the same way your partner is, and made me feel like a piece of meat. I didn't realise it at the time. When this kind of thing goes on for so long it becomes your version of normal, you don't realise how messed up it is, especially if your childhood home was also one full of abuse and so you don't know what a healthy relationship looks like. You need to get out, OP, then learn to set boundaries for yourself.

This is one of those awful posts that has left me with a shiver. I’m so disturbed by what I’ve read, no it’s not normal for a man to behaviour this way. I think you are on the cusp of an iceberg with a deeply controlling and dangerous relationship. I hope you get out as soon as possible. I think it will get worse and harder if you don’t. I think though you must know this deep down to write it. I hope your concern has been validated.

OP has said she's posted some of this before but other parts - like him getting angry at her unless she sleeps naked - are new. Which means he's intensifying the abuse OP. It's getting worse and it's going to keep getting worse. He has successfully made you fear angering him so your only option if you want to live without the abuse is to get out ASAP.

My partner likes when I sleep naked. I like pjs or underwear. Guess what I wear to bed? Whatever I feel like on that day. If he nagged me about it I would tell him where to go, and if he genuinely got angry about it and tried to coerce me into it I would leave him, absolutely no joke.

My husband calls me his sexy piece of ass. He’ll say “I own you” or “you’re all mine”. He will come out with little sayings he thinks are sexy....but to be honest I don’t mind at all.

Thing is, I know and trust my husband. I like that he says these things to me. I find it funny and a bit cheese, so it’s amusing. I know he’s saying it in a good natured way. I know he isn’t seriously claiming to actually ‘own me’. I know that despite what he comes out with sometimes, his actions are respectful.

I’d suggest that you know your husband best and that if you feel objectified and disrespected, his actions are clearly wrong.

Its not normal op
He doesn't love you, he thinks he owns you, not the same thing

Oh my god OP. You don’t have children with this man do you?

This is REALLY not ok.

“Marital right” to have sex with you is bad enough on its own but alongside everything else this is really serious abuse.

You need to get help to leave.

Op that's vile, and extremely concerning behaviour

I'm a man and this is absolutely NOT how men talk.
He's an arsehole

‘ Which he said sort of jokingly but presses me on it. As in ‘what’s this? It’s against the rules’ and then he got up and put all his clothes on so I was then saying no no i’ll Take them off, get back into bed, sorry.’

My heart sinks.

OP I don't say this lightly, but reading your posts honestly made me feel sick to my stomach. No it's not normal and your husband sounds dangerous. One day he will rape you (that's if you don't count the coercive control already as rape). How can you bear to look at such a pig?

How do you feel when you are reading all of these replies Bluegreenandyellow?