Sex talk - is this normal?

[Bluegreenandyellow]

I feel like these things aren’t normal but I’m struggling to frame them. Dh doesn’t shout or anything, I think he might think this is meant to be attractive? It doesn’t feel it and I don’t like it.

Tells me if I walk around wearing x I will get it whether I want it or not.
Calls me his ‘sexy piece of ass’ as in he will say ‘whose sexy piece of ass is this? It’s mine’
Asks when he will ‘gets a go on his sexy piece of ass’
Says things like ‘I want to knock the back out of you.’ And ‘get your knickers off and go and lie and think of England for three minutes.’
Bought me some chocolate and when I thanked him said ‘got to have your eyes on the prize.’
Says things such as ‘it’s my marital rights to have sex on tap’

He’s never forced me or anything. He has sulked so that I’ve given in though.

He makes comments quite frequently about killing me / another man if i left him and met someone else or if I cheated on him. But it’s said jokingly. He also says I’m never allowed to leave him and puts his arms around me and says ‘this I the ring of steel I’ve got you in.’

None of it is said in an abusive way or anything but I frequently feel like an object rather than anything else. Are these normal jokes? I don’t know.

Absolutely horrible. He is treating you like a sex slave trophy. Wear WTF you want to wear in bed. I suspect his 'jokes' will turn much nastier one day especially if you have any male friends.

Currently I’m not supposed to sleep wearing anything

This is ABSOLUTELY disgraceful! Your a woman! It's YOUR choice in what you wear or don't wear do NOT let your husband tell you what you can and cannot wear it's abuse and as of the way he talks to you Jesus Christ. I wouldn't even want to be in the same room as that. It's just pure cringe and filth! and it doesn't sound like love.. you need to get out of there ASAP op. Would he allow any man to talk to his mum/sister like that I don't think so?

Fuck that sounds vile. Maybe he thinks he’s being sexy but god no.

“Currently I’m not supposed to sleep wearing anything.”

🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

It’s not normal. It’s repulsive.
Even if it was normal (and it certainly isn’t), you don’t like it. I think the advice will be the same as it was last time. Don’t put up with this disgusting behaviour any longer. It will only ramp up as time goes on.

So what are you going to do OP?

am I being stupid but what on earth is that meant to mean, I have never heard that phrase in my life

It's linked to the idea that sex is a duty that women perform for their partners, rather than something they might actually enjoy themselves. Hence the instruction to 'lie back and think of England'- basically lay on your back while it's done to you and try to keep your mind off what's happening. Incredibly grim and rapey.

He sees you as his

You are not allowed to be who you want to be

He is potentially a very dangerous man

Sometimes women take a while to work their way round to realising, then they need to make a plan on what to do next.

If you've talked to him about it to let him know how you feel and his reaction had been to get angry with how you feel it are expressing yourself, I'm afraid you're in really dangerous territory and need to take steps to look after yourself, such as immediately creating independence from him (not living together), and ensuring you have a supportive network around you to help you, and ensure that in any more contact you have with him you are in control in a safe space, and able to leave immediately if you feel uncomfortable. If a man is not able to hear how the comments make you feel vulnerable, he is not caring about your experience, and in turn not caring about you but objectifying you. Yes these are dangerous comments to make as they reflect a distorted and controlling perspective of you and his relationship to you. Look up support from any domestic abusive helpline or Samaritans who can help with immediate advice. Good luck xx

It doesn’t feel great - but is this just how some men talk?

Only the abusive dickhead ones who have watched WAY too much very very grim porn.

You don't deserve this OP.

@BecauseReasons that's absolutely awful, I've never heard of that phrase either and know I know the meaning don't think I would ever want a man to say it! Just vile. Some men have no respect at all.

Never mind whether he is normal or not, OP. That is the wrong question. In fact it is really not even a normal question and I am sorry that people are wasting time addressing it.

The correct question is: Do I like being treated like this?

And even if it were "just how some men talk" it is ok not to want to be with those men. You get a choice. You don't have to put up with any old shit just because he is a man.

At best unsexy and at worse deeply creepy. And - 3 minutes, seriously?

This is not normal! Men do not talk to women they respect like this. Reading what he says to you has made me feel very sick. You need to seek support IRL.

This is horrible, really dodgy. Has it just started? Something has made him this insecure. If he’s been doing it a while I’d tell him to stop. And if he doesn’t get out.

Yuck!

How would you feel if someone treated your daughter like this op?

Doesn't matter whether it's normal or not, you don't like it or how it makes you feel and that's a massive thing. I wouldn't like it either btw.
Things like 'I'm not supposed to...' make me think you're already responding to his behaviour to get what he wants through fear. That's abuse.
Joking about killing you is not normal.
What are his good points? Do they overweigh this side of things?
Do you feel you could discuss it with him. If not, why not?

“sleeping with anything on being against the rules” is there more rules?

he’s a creepy cunt tbh.

No, this is not normal. Yes, he's being abusive. But neither of these are as important as this:

Trust how you FEEL.
Trust how you FEEL.
Trust how you FEEL.

Your feelings are your barometer when your mind gets confused. Navigate by them.

I still think there's something you haven't said or done to nip this in the bud. Do you join in when he says these things or do you tell him where to stuff them or that they make you uncomfortable?

Because men need to be told that making frequent “jokes” about murdering or raping a woman isn’t kind or loving?!

WOMEN ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE THINGS MEN DO OR SAY.

this is just going to progress into full blown sexual abuse if you don’t leave, op. i’d be out today if i was you, see if you can stay with your parents or a friend or something. stay safe x

How long have you been with him and why are you with him?