Sex talk - is this normal?

[Bluegreenandyellow]

I feel like these things aren’t normal but I’m struggling to frame them. Dh doesn’t shout or anything, I think he might think this is meant to be attractive? It doesn’t feel it and I don’t like it.

Tells me if I walk around wearing x I will get it whether I want it or not.
Calls me his ‘sexy piece of ass’ as in he will say ‘whose sexy piece of ass is this? It’s mine’
Asks when he will ‘gets a go on his sexy piece of ass’
Says things like ‘I want to knock the back out of you.’ And ‘get your knickers off and go and lie and think of England for three minutes.’
Bought me some chocolate and when I thanked him said ‘got to have your eyes on the prize.’
Says things such as ‘it’s my marital rights to have sex on tap’

He’s never forced me or anything. He has sulked so that I’ve given in though.

He makes comments quite frequently about killing me / another man if i left him and met someone else or if I cheated on him. But it’s said jokingly. He also says I’m never allowed to leave him and puts his arms around me and says ‘this I the ring of steel I’ve got you in.’

None of it is said in an abusive way or anything but I frequently feel like an object rather than anything else. Are these normal jokes? I don’t know.

It’s not normal.

He’s never forced me or anything. He has sulked so that I’ve given in though.

That is emotionally manipulating you, even if you verbally consented, if it was just to stop the sulking it was not freely given enthusiastic consent. Sorry OP

It doesn't matter if he never lays a finger on you OP. Verbal abuse and emotional abuse are a thing in themselves, separate from physical abuse.

He sounds common as muck and of low intelligence.

Ok. It sounds awful. What happens if you push back? If you say 'CLANG that's my vagina shutting down when you talk like an arsehole.' Or just 'talk to me like a human being, you never know, I might like it'. Tell him consistently that you want something different.

If he doesn't listen, then...

OP some of this could be taken as intimate talk between a couple. It all depends on how it makes you feel and if the talk is mutual. Saying 'Hey sexy' or 'Bring that sexy ass over here.' Isn't abusive in a light hearted, loving context.

However, you're saying that you feel objectified by the talk and he gets angry if you don't want sex which is coercive. Someone pressuring you to have sex, is abusive. If there is unwanted sexual touching such as him grabbing your breasts or crotch, that's sexual assault.

No one is entitled to sex, whether they are married or not. To force you to have sex because you're married is marital rape.

Something someone else may find erotic or sexy, you may find threatening or objectifying. It's very personal and you have a right to set and maintain clear sexual boundaries.

It’s abuse OP. I would log the threat with 101 and make plans to leave.

He sounds pretty horrible.

I'm wondering whether he's my ex... same comments!! Was he married before?

You've posted this before.

Currently I’m not supposed to sleep wearing anything.

So many warning signs in everything you say. I've been married for many years, and DH has never once told me what I should wear, in bed or out of it. Nothing that your DH says is normal.

As for it being his marital right to have sex on tap: no, it's not and hasn't been legally since 1991.

You need to get far, far away from him. There are men out there who will love you, fancy you, want to shag you til neither of you can walk straight - but they will also respect you and your wishes, listen to you, and most importantly recognise that you are also a human being. None of which your H does.

Here’s a man who finds it hard to be intimate ....its like he’s picked up his seduction techniques in a workmans’s cafe ! You haven’t said what the rest of the marriage is like ? If he’s good to you otherwise , supportive and caring then it might be worth trying to re-train his thinking . Tell him what you’d like him to say ...tell him you really feel good when he says you’re pretty etc .......if the rest of the marriage is a struggle then ask yourself is it worth saving ?

How did you marry this man? He is disgusting. Don't you find it humiliating when he speaks to you like that?
Leave him

Have I read this before?

Currently I’m not supposed to sleep wearing anything

This has frankly shocked me to the core. This is an abusive and controlling man and his horrible sex talk may be just the tip of the iceberg.

Bluegreenandyellow Wed 29-Jan-20 20:16:35
It doesn’t feel great - but is this just how some men talk?
.......
Not since the 1980s.

It's not being shouted because he doesn't need to.....yet!

It is a grey area OP at all. He controls and dictates your behaviour in an incredibly abusive and chilling way

I’m not going to do a search but I’m pretty sure you’ve posted about this before as I recall a post along the lines of “you are getting it whether you want it or not”.

It’s not ok OP. It doesn’t sound like some fantasy role play that both sides are into . It doesn’t sound healthy at all.

No, it's not normal, as pp have said it's abusive. He's treating you as though he owns you.
If it's possible for you make plans to leave or just leave then go. As soon as you can. He'll probably get worse over time, in your shoes I'd get out now, if I could.
Sandii
It's very sad that you think a woman should have to retrain her obnoxious misogynistic husband.

My ex was the same, made me feel like a piece of meat and was a massive turn off. Particularly hate the ‘knock the back out you’, mine used to say smash your back doors in. Because aggressive anal sex is so attractive to women

I would guess his misogyny isn’t limited to sex? Is he a fully equal partner in all other aspects of your life?

I've read this before too.

Not a grey area, surely, Quartz!

Dictating what you wear is wrong. And telling you you must not wear clothes in bed is controlling and worrying.
You need to really really consider your own worth. You don't have to live like that.