Sex talk - is this normal?

[Bluegreenandyellow]

I feel like these things aren’t normal but I’m struggling to frame them. Dh doesn’t shout or anything, I think he might think this is meant to be attractive? It doesn’t feel it and I don’t like it.

Tells me if I walk around wearing x I will get it whether I want it or not.
Calls me his ‘sexy piece of ass’ as in he will say ‘whose sexy piece of ass is this? It’s mine’
Asks when he will ‘gets a go on his sexy piece of ass’
Says things like ‘I want to knock the back out of you.’ And ‘get your knickers off and go and lie and think of England for three minutes.’
Bought me some chocolate and when I thanked him said ‘got to have your eyes on the prize.’
Says things such as ‘it’s my marital rights to have sex on tap’

He’s never forced me or anything. He has sulked so that I’ve given in though.

He makes comments quite frequently about killing me / another man if i left him and met someone else or if I cheated on him. But it’s said jokingly. He also says I’m never allowed to leave him and puts his arms around me and says ‘this I the ring of steel I’ve got you in.’

None of it is said in an abusive way or anything but I frequently feel like an object rather than anything else. Are these normal jokes? I don’t know.

I have posted elements before but some are new. The part about sleeping with anything on being against the rules. Which he said sort of jokingly but presses me on it. As in ‘what’s this? It’s against the rules’ and then he got up and put all his clothes on so I was then saying no no i’ll Take them off, get back into bed, sorry.

Grim as.

Tbh I'd be happy if my husband was more vocal and appreciative lol and the dirty talk doesnt phase me when done right? I try and do it but never works lol. But each to their own. If he wont stop and u dont like it then ask him to leave.

Currently I’m not supposed to sleep wearing anything.

Oh love, please seek help. It isn't normal or OK. It sounds like he doesn't have to raise his voice or hit you because he manages to manipulate you into doing things you don't want to do. And he knows it.

This is so wrong.

Only you know in what context these things are said. You keep mentioning it's not said angrily or in an abusive way, etc so it's probably not because you will know if it was.

Sounds to me like expensive jokes though. But before we go all get on the "Yee haw! what a bellend, this devil MAN is" bandwagon, have you told him to stop when he makes this clearly expensive/rude jokes and statements. Have you communicated your feelings about them?
On paper, it sounds abusive but things may not be that way in real life.

Some people are unaware of how they come across with what they say and the proof is when you let them know you're uncomfortable but they carry on, then you can give them the finger or whatnot.

My vagina would spontaneously seal over on hearing things like that.

OP what do you honestly want from this? Reassurance that this is normal and this is ok? Because it isnt and you arent going to get anything other than this is awful and abusive and is one step away from rape (I notice you havent said how often he expects it because that too I imagine is shocking)

Do you have children/joint house ownership etc.

Other than that is it that you are scared that he will get physical and hurt you if you leave because if so you need to frame it in asking for advice in how to leave safely

But before we go all get on the "Yee haw! what a bellend, this devil MAN is" bandwagon

RTFT @Nothing2doooooo she has worn something in bed and he's reacted to it. Amongst other behaviours.

Urgh. He sounds like a right sleezeball, OP. And you're clearly quite used to being a doormat- he had you apologize for wearing pyjamas?? He's got you well trained. What happens if you say no?

and then he got up and put all his clothes on so I was then saying no no i’ll Take them off, get back into bed, sorry.

Wouldn't him getting up and putting all his clothes on be a win?

If he left as well, it would be a win win.

But seriously what would he do at that point - why would you apologise and take your clothes off; what do you think would happen if you didn't?

I agree with @12345kbm that within an understanding relationship with boundaries, this could be ok, potentially, in certain circumstances.

It quite clearly isn't ok here, and he isn't listening to what you're telling him. It is, as pretty much everyone else has said coercive and abusive. It won't get better - and no, it isn't normal.

And yep, DP and I use sex talk a LOT, including saying things that most MNers would be uncomfortable with. But it's in the context of both of us knowing it's ok, and that we both find it erotic.If either of us hesitated, it would stop immediately, because enthusiastic consent is far more of a turn on than a sulk.

My ex did this- took him 12 months to hit me and 18months to physically abuse me during sex. Be careful please x

I remember this too, what was the advice before?

You dont have to live by his "rules". You are a person in your own right and YOU get to choose what you wear

It’s against the rules’ and then he got up and put all his clothes on so I was then saying no no i’ll Take them off, get back into bed, sorry.

@Bluegreenandyellow So was the rule that you both would sleep naked in bed then? Because why beg him to keep his clothes off if he got up to put them back on because you also have clothes on? A bit confused sorry

The advice was that it wouldn't get better, he was abusive and that she needed to leave.

🤮🤮🤮

How can you possibly put up with all this revolting shit? I’d be packing either my or his bags pdq!

I still think there's something you haven't said or done to nip this in the bud. Do you join in when he says these things or do you tell him where to stuff them or that they make you uncomfortable? You've stood up for him quite a bit in your OP, why is that? But then seem to be drip feeding the other more abusive things he's said/done now as pp are saying how awful he is.

Are you in need of help? Do you need to get away or are you just trying to find out if your "weird" relationship is normal?

This is all completely gross and very concerning. A joke is one thing but this sounds like he is constantly saying it which is awful and shows he really believes this shit. Think very carefully if you want a future with a man like this

I just wonder if it’s normal. Because it doesn’t feel it but then I’m not sure.
I was trying to placate him when he got dressed. I knew he was angry.

OP it’s not normal. Not normal at all

Ew he sounds disgusting this is totally not normal he is treating you like a piece of meat and being controlling and abusive

Thanks @MrsTerryPratchett I've just been looking the FT over. There's just something about this I think OP isn't fully saying.

Yes, this whole thing sounds strange and abusive in a certain light but I think OP has a "unique" relationship with her DP that she's beginning to question.

so how does 60+ messages telling you its not make you feel OP