Sex talk - is this normal?

[Bluegreenandyellow]

I feel like these things aren’t normal but I’m struggling to frame them. Dh doesn’t shout or anything, I think he might think this is meant to be attractive? It doesn’t feel it and I don’t like it.

Tells me if I walk around wearing x I will get it whether I want it or not.
Calls me his ‘sexy piece of ass’ as in he will say ‘whose sexy piece of ass is this? It’s mine’
Asks when he will ‘gets a go on his sexy piece of ass’
Says things like ‘I want to knock the back out of you.’ And ‘get your knickers off and go and lie and think of England for three minutes.’
Bought me some chocolate and when I thanked him said ‘got to have your eyes on the prize.’
Says things such as ‘it’s my marital rights to have sex on tap’

He’s never forced me or anything. He has sulked so that I’ve given in though.

He makes comments quite frequently about killing me / another man if i left him and met someone else or if I cheated on him. But it’s said jokingly. He also says I’m never allowed to leave him and puts his arms around me and says ‘this I the ring of steel I’ve got you in.’

None of it is said in an abusive way or anything but I frequently feel like an object rather than anything else. Are these normal jokes? I don’t know.

None of this is normal or acceptable.

He sounds creepily possessive! It’s like a passive aggressive way of trying to threaten you in case you start thinking about leaving him. I’d feel smothered by him.

OP do you think you should have to behave in a particular way and partake in sexual acts in order to ‘placate’ your partner in a happy, consensual intimate relationship?

OP, the thing is if you're uncomfortable at any time with someone, listen to your gut and be safe. If you need help getting away because you're afraid of the things he 'jokingly' said but now considering if he would carry them out, then you need to talk to someone about it. Get help but don't stay in a frightening situation with anyone.

Some of the talk is not massively abnormal in some consensual relationships. Some involve power play etc.

HOWEVER thats only the case when both parties have agreed what they fancg together and the woman (in this case) absolutely would say no, I dont like x or y /I want my cltohes on and expect it to be respected.

What you describe is absolutely abusive and scares me. Id want you ti be planning a way out

If you're asking this question, then it's likely time to either talk to him about it (how you feel about it, not that you might leave) or get a move on and free yourself.

Did he talk to you like this pre marriage or is it something new?
I’m far from prudish but this is gross.

@Bluegreenandyellow how long have you known him/been together? Is this new behaviour/since you got married?
Do his actions ever match his words?

Sulking, wow how sexy. I'm surprised your pants didn't fly off there and then

I just wonder if it’s normal. Because it doesn’t feel it but then I’m not sure.

No it's not normal. As everyone has indicated.

I was trying to placate him when he got dressed. I knew he was angry.

That's also not normal. You don't have to manage his emotions for him, he's not a toddler. He does sound potentially dangerous though, so be careful.

You really need to work on your self esteem.

It's fucking grim, and you know it is.

Stop trying to work out why he does it and start walking away.

Wondering if you need to ask yourself a different question. Rather than "is this normal?" maybe "do I feel loved, attractive, free to be myself?"

It sounds like you are doubting yourself too much for my idea of what a caring relationship looks like, but it's your feelings about this that count.

A man who needs placating when he doesn't get what he wants is basically a toddler that just got taller, to me anyway. Not sexy.

Grim. Not normal.

Bluegreenandyellow Its really not normal, have a look at this;

Red flags of abusive relationships;
newdirectionsshelter.org/red-flags-of-abusive-relationships/

Vile

Not normal OP. Some of it very scary. There was a thread very similar to this last year

It's still emotional abuse even under the guise of a joke. That's because it isn't a joke.
In my experience this will eventually turn physical as in violence or sexual assault - if it hasn't already. All I can do is echo the last 4 pages and say it isn't right and is abusive. However you will only leave once you make that decision for yourself. We can't do it for you. I hope the light that has come on gets brighter and you see it as we do and get help in leaving.

That was her own thread.

Currently I’m not supposed to sleep wearing anything.

The words 'supposed to' here ring massive alarm bells. Any 'supposed to' in a relationship is not healthy

Not normal. No boyfriend, partner, or other male has ever said anything like that to me.

What does he do when he gets angry?

He says things jokingly so that he can get his point across but deny all knowledge of it if he's challenged.

He sounds like a nasty piece of work. (I'm remembering a thread with soapy fingers and I do hope it's not him - that was hideous.)

Honestly me and my fiancé make little jokes like that but in no way would we ever talk to each other like that in a serious way! Apart from it being creepy as fuck I'd always be so weirded out 🤮

Also - get your knickers off and go and lie and think of England for three minutes. am I being stupid but what on earth is that meant to mean, I have never heard that phrase in my life!😂

You know this is not normal so why are you still with this disgusting man?

You could try Jo Brand's line

"Oral sex makes me feel like a gangster in court".

"How so"?

"If I go down you're going with me"