Should I get a vasectomy

[Flower8919]

What do you think about vasectomies? Do you think if you are in a marriage and don’t want any more kids it is fair for the man to get a vasectomy or should the woman continue to stay on brith control? If the man gets a vasectomy and for some reason the relationship goes wrong. There is then no chance of having kids with another partner.

But do remember that it is totally your wife’s right not to want PIV sex without an excellent guarantee of not getting pregnant - the sort not provided by nfp and condoms. And a good therapist should understand this.

There's risks with any type of surgery, but my DH's vasectomy was so straightforward that he was driving the following day! Not because he had to, but because he was fine. As a PP said, it's a local anaesthetic (sp?). He did put ice packs on the area for a couple of days and generally took it easy, but everything was in full working order within a couple of weeks. It hasn't affected his sex drive either.

It's a big decision, though, you have to be absolutely sure it's what you want - and you don't sound sure, OP.

@category12 I got a general anaesthetic for mine.

Thanks for posting. I think the actual process seems ok and straightforward. It is a bit daunting but im sure that it would be fine. I hope that i would be like your DH Amicrazy. It’s just the other stuff

I do totally understand my wife’s right and point of view that’s why I am very seriously considering it. I bought up the idea of non hormonal contraception but she doesn’t want that so I have respected that and not pushed it at all

I bought up the idea of non hormonal contraception but she doesn’t want that so I have respected that and not pushed it at all

Has she actually tried a non-hormonal coil, though? They work really well for many women and last for years. Easily removed if they don't work out discomfort, etc.)

Full disclosure. I tried coils for a few years and they didn't suit my body particularly well, hence DH's decision to have a vasectomy. But, I know many people who've been fine with them. Mine just wouldn't stay in place after a while...the first one started coming out after doing a pilates class!

@category12 I was advised by GP it would be a general anaesthetic - and I see someone else has posted that too. It may depend on where you live? But I can only say that even now - the thought of a GA for anything petrifies me - so much that even if I required a life saving operation I’m not sure I could go through with it!

Locally they are done through Marie Stopes and are all under local.

You need to do some independent thinking about all scenarios. If you separated or lost your wife, would you want more children? If not then a vasectomy is perfect. If so then it isn’t for you. Getting a vasectomy with any plan to reverse it is daft as it is unpredictable in its success and expensive, not covered by the NHS.

My STBXH had one because we have four children and he wouldn’t want more regardless of circumstances.

But, granted with my phobic perspective, I would say that a lot of women take the view that it’s the very least you can do for your wife - as if it is risk free and no big deal- and yet come up with all kinds of risks and side affects associated with the hormonal contraceptives or the coil?? There are horror stories in every direction - and all I would add is you can remove a coil, stop using hormones, but not always or easily reverse the effect or complications from a vasectomy or sterilisation. They are very different things.

amicrazy I don’t think that she has tried the non-hormonal coil before. It sounds like maybe that could be a good alternative to try before doing the V. Was it painful for you? Do you regret trying it as an option before the V?

How long ago were you looking into it, Babaoreally? The NHS site says it's a local and I find it quite odd that some areas would do it the more dangerous and expensive way of a GA - it may well be so, but seems mad. www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/vasectomy-male-sterilisation/

Tell a lie, it says in rare cases it may be done under a GA.

I found having a coil put in very painful - I nearly fainted and I'm not a fainty person. But you can ask for a local anaesthetic to have it put in - they don't offer it automatically, tho, the bastards.

I've never had the coil put in but have heard it's very painful.

I have a non hormonal coil, putting it in was fine, it was much like having a smear test. I had heavier periods for a few months after it was put in, but they settled eventually, and other than that it’s great. I can forget about it for years and as soon as it’s taken out, my fertility is back to normal. A risk free, positive experience for me.

OP... with each of your posts,
you sound more and more resigned, passive, manipulated, controlled and defeated. So much so, that I'm beginning to wonder about this thread. A few things are raising alarm bells with me.

Something doesn't seems off.... but I wish you all best.

I'm out of here.

I would never have a coil. I have heard more horror stories about them than a vasectomy
Proper horror stories. No fucking way.

Tbh. We have 2 kids I'm 30 hubby 34. At the grand old age of 26 I was sterilised. Hubby wouldn't do it even tho gp tried to convince him. My thing is I'm the mum I'll always have 2 kids even if we split up I do not want more kids I hated pregnancy and I just hate it all baby stage etc. One aged 10 one aged 5!! Much better. Anyways if we split I can guarantee he would want another baby so I was done.

Thank you everyone for taking up your time. All your advice has been really helpful and I really appreciate it

I had a copper coil for many years which made periods heavier and then had a merena (hormonal) coil which was the best thing ever as you have an extremely low, local dose of progesterone right where you need it. Periods became almost non existent and to be honest coils being put in and out wasn't bad at all and was done in seconds. Your lady is pushing you around by the sound of it. She has her fears and your have yours. Her needs aren't more valid and don't overide yours

Sorry to respond again but still think the best approach is a COMPROMISE for both of you in using condoms. I simply cannot understand your wife's aversion to them after an accident many years ago. There is morning after pill to fall back on.

Why all the chat seems to focus on convincing your wife to have a coil etc when condoms are easy and effective I don't know.

Depends how old you are.

@sandyy2k yes strange.post, I don't think it's a man posting at all.

Typo correction to my post at 19:48.

Something seems off

Just pull out dude! Different target each time! 😎

I find it totally selfish for a man not to have a vasectomy after their partner has carried the babies and given birth. Giving birth is excruciating and some women die in child birth. It’s not a piece of cake like a vasectomy.

There are enough people in the world without having more children. You sound totally selfish, take your turn to limit your family, instead of thinking of ways to get your partner to take the responsibility again.